i was abused by my father from age 8-15. i told my mom 2 times and then finally decided to believe me on the 3rd time. she was a alcoholic. her and my stepdad have been married and sober for 19 years this year. i feel so useless sometimes. my paranoia has gotten so much worse over the past couple of months. i'm usually depressed most of the time and suicidal. i'm also a cutter. i didn't cut for about 10 months and then screwed up and cut a couple of months ago. it is very rare that i'm happy.i have 2 kids i don't raise which kills me. is all this sh** worth it,really? sometimes i just want to die so bad that i ask God to take me. it does not even matter how it happens as long as it just happens. i'd even take a heart attack.