Is it always a bad idea?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by myname, Sep 10, 2014.

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  1. myname

    myname Member

    Wondering if suicide is ever ok. I have no friends, family that doesn't care about me and rarely speaks to me, no job and haven't worked for months. What would be so bad about me killing myself? I contribute nothing to this earth. Wish I had some talents, skills, or abilities to contribute to other's lives but I don't, I'm simply a waste of space.

    I've tried taking drugs (prescription) but they didn't do anything for me. Tried therapy and despite really putting in effort it also did nothing. One therapist asked what method I'd use to kill myself. Told them and they acted like I told them what I was going to have for dinner, no big deal. No health insurance so even if I wanted to do anything I couldn't, but as I've said I've tried medication and therapy to no avail.

    Today I emailed an old friend I haven't been in contact with for years to see if I could talk to him but he responded that he has problems of his own and can't help and emailed me the number of a suicide hotline. Not helpful. Kind of proved that I am not important.

    Just done. It will take at least a week for anyone to notice I'm gone anyway. Truth is no one will miss me, no one will care that I'm gone. Kind of ahrd truth to deal with but guess that really I've known this for years. Guess its time to man up and just get it done.
     
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    professionals are supposed to act like it doesn't bother them. of course they care else they'd not be in that profession.
    what did they say about coping mechanisms?
    old friend might help if you give the friend support in return.

    suicide helpline is helpful as a last resort. don't give up and try them once, twice, three times, as many times. just cause none of it worked before, doesn't mean it won't in future
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I do not know how long it has been since you tried medication and therapy, not how many tried / how long you tried for but I will point out the obvious that you are not doing either now and yet here you are , so not doing has not helped in the least either. Many people try one time or try for less than a couple weeks and make the decision it is not helping - so I would really give both another try. What is the worst thing that happens? They do not work and you feel suicidal? You might as well go with fighting so you know you tried. So far as the therapist- I agree with above- what did you expect them to do? It is like on here if you say you are suicidal- we care because we know how awful it feels but it i snot like we read it and are surprised or it is some strange occurrence. If they hear only 25 times a week about being suicidal it would be a slow week. All they are trying to do is determine if you are an IMMEDIATE harm to yourself or not and since you are still here sounds like they did what they were supposed to do without over reacting and locking you up involuntarily.

    You do not work now and are not contributing because the depth of your depression is making it impossible for you to do so. Fighting the depression can change all of that very quickly once you hit the right combination for you. If you are not working then you have no income so go sign up for medicaid. While you are waiting for that to be processed you can work on getting enrolled in the national plans with low or no income will be free and have no deductibles as well as talk to your county mental health services which will have free services available based on income.

    To answer your question - it is wrong to choose suicide as a last or best options when there are still lots of other options for you to try but are not. Not wrong from some moralistic viewpoint- wrong because even if the world had dealt you a crappy hand and not helped out, you owe it to yourself to help yourself out. So far as a friend you have not contacted for years- once again - what is somebody you have not spoke to for years supposed to do? They are not professionals , have no training in how to act- we do not know how to fix ourselves after years of dealing with it - how would somebody you have not talked to for years help you? There are people you can call that can help and are trained to help- call the people that can help instead of the people that have no way of helping.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  4. myname

    myname Member

    Some clarifications. i talked to the friend that I did because they know me better than just about anyone else on this planet. I also chose them because for many, many years they were an alcoholic. A few years ago this person went to rehab and got their life together, they regularly attend AA meetings and help other people. So my thinking was that they know struggle in life and how to overcome it and that they might have some useful advice.

    The reason I don't have a job has nothing to do with depression.

    I did do medication for at least 6 months (same one), and it may have been closer to a year, so I feel that is a good amount to try something. I'm not fond of medicine in general and feel people are too quick to pop a pill. Not saying some don't need medicine but just saying I don't even like taking aspirin, just don't like medicine in general. Medicine did nothing so no reason as far as I'm concerned to take it when who knows what the long term effects to my body (liver etc.) are.

    As far as medicaid goes I won't qualify because I have a little bit of savings. If you have any money at all in the bank that disqualifies you. Also I live in a state that is so broke that even if you financially qualify for medicaid you are given a number and they have a random lottery system for who gets on and who doesn't. No joke. If you don't have a diagnosis of something that will kill you in 6 months or you're not pregnant then no medicaid for you.

    Therapy in my experience is so therapists can collect a fat paycheck. Someone mentioned coping mechanisms, guess I wasn't rich enough to have therapists teach me these. Been to a few therapists. One woman I went to for a few months pretty much just sat there while I talked. One session neither of us talked, just sat there. I'm really glad therapy works for some. Have a friend in a different city who has been a victim of childhood sexual abuse and therapy has been a great help for her but for me despite really trying I think it is just not for me.

    I don't agree that I owe it to myself to help myself out. I've been trying that for the past over 40 years and it just isn't working. Tired of the struggle. Just can't do it anymore. Feel like the fly caught in the spider's web. Better to quit struggling and just wait to be consumed.
     
  5. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    Philosophers, psychologists, psychiatrists, priests, pastors, poets, suicide relatives have all tried to answer your question by putting it in writing, by trying to help those who are thinking about it or who have survived. All have come up with different answers, but nothing definitive.

    If you die, your enemies or abusers rejoice, your loved ones are devastated, heartbroken and sometimes end up commiting suicide.

    If you survive, you end up physically damaged, you keep on trying, are more frustrated than before, almost everyone gets disconnected from you and you are judged all the time
     
  6. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    Therefore, I think it is always a bad idea and from my personal experience, it was the worst idea I've ever had.
     
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