I have made mistake upon mistake in my life that I was up once again until 3am this morning thinking everything about my shitty little life that I have screwed up and only me. It's my fault, I feel I dug myself the grave now I deserve to lay in it. I decided to go back to college to try and get direction but I can't concentrate at all, it just seems everyone younger than me is brilliant smart while I sit like the big screw up I am, thinking of ignorance and how incapable I am and how it's cost me by my own admission. My family dont understand and are not interested as they have heard it all before from me with failed OD attempted suicides and the hospital visits. I want to find hope and reason to make a go and do well but how the hell can I and whats the point when I feel I have passed up every good opportunity and chance (this is my last chance) but I feel guilty for being so mentally weak, I cant even get a part-time job working which will require me to work with the public as I have no confidence in myself and my abilitys in the workplace or in education because of all the failed attemps before. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am seriously thinking of pulling the final curtain on myself with some metal chain I got for round my neck. But am I thinking too much, taking life to seriously or not enough? I don't know, I need guidence from people who know from their own experiences and thoughts like here on SF. Please could somebody offer me some advice and guidence, I need some perspective on life if there is any????