After recently telling my sister and ex girlfriend about my thoughts of suicide (including telling each of them how I'd recently visited a gun shop for the worst reason possible and proving it by sending each of them pictures of the <mod edit - method> I was considering buying), I got two VERY DIFFERENT reactions. My sister has been in constant contact with me to check up on me and encourage me to get professional help and has shown me MUCH love and support. The ex girlfriend however, even though she has told me things that have meant quite a bit to me like, " I will always have a special place in my heart for you. " (told to me in an email on 2/26) and " I wanted to let you know I will always care about you " (just 3 days ago) has told me that she will not help me even though I've reached the absolute low point of my entire life because she " needs a break from me " and " I DO care about what you are going through right now but I cant handle the emotional stress ". I have told her that if she could just spare a couple hours a month to spend time with me it would help A HELLUVA LOT. That made no difference to her and she apparently is willing to take the chance that I may, indeed, kill myself while she is " taking a break from me ". Her reaction has been probably the most hurtful thing that anyone has said to me in the last 20 years (maybe longer). To say that I have been ABSOLUTELY FLOORED by her unwillingness to just spend a few hours a month with me to make me feel loved would be an understatement. She told me that 4 days ago and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. To the point where I had to leave work today because thinking about it caused me to have an all out panic attack. My question is this: is her attitude and lack of willingness to help me during this VERY DESPERATE time for me forgiveable?