well since im drunk i dont give a shit about punctuation, so bear with me. My life all went bad at the age of 14 i moved from Charlotte NC to Louisiana it was a very odd change to me the land was different, it was very swampy i was used to a creek or two in the area of charlotte, the creeks where shallow and sandy. that was the first thing that started to affect me. im was used to having a walk to a river or creek and trotting through it to see what i could find(nature wise). louisiana was very different it was wet smelly and the mosquitos where horrible the rivers and streams where infested with parasite or just plain out dangerous with snakes and gators. school sucked when i moved i was told it was a great school, it wasnt. the strictness was unhealthy it was that bad, i just about ended up getting expelled from that horrible school before my mom took me out to homeschool me. My dad bought a home school program and didnt pay the monthly dues so i missed a full year of school until i moved. within that year of no schooling my dad was generous enoughj to buy two Suzuki four wheelers, living on 5 acres and having alot of abbandoned land around the area made it fun. hangin with freinds drinking smoking new things it was pretty fun until my dad divorced my mom during the move. my mom still talked to me and my sister still lived in charrlotte so it was me and my dad, as i got older i figured out my dad left NC because he was in debt and ran from it. he made a retarded desicion to leave it wasnt that bad. after we had a talk about it everything changed he stopped acting like a dad and acting more like some asshole that didnt give a shit about anyone but himself. we moved moved to a small town that was boring. One sunday he told me he had a girl friend and she was moving in monday unknown to me she had 4 kids. my dad practically disowned me for those damn kids, no allowance no money no lisence it was all going bad. school was getting worse i started in 8th grade in that town and turned 16, while still in my second year of 8th grade. i decided to drop out my mom found out about my dicision and disowned me same with my dad, i left before i dropped out by then i finally got a lisence and a shitty car, so after i dropped out i left and hit the road, lonely and tired, living off people trying to make myself happy my sister was the only one who still talked to me, she really cared about me and wanted me to go to NC to live with her. I decided to go and lived with her trying to get a job in NC without a diploma was hard but i found a job and started to make money. My sister was annoyed to have me around after a year so i found a place in another state that i could pay for on my own. that worked out ok i had asked for some help but got no answer from anyone no girlfriend no family just the lonely old me. i had an ok job the suicidal feelings where stronger than ever i justed wanted to go to sleep permanantly. Suicide just felt the only way out from a hole that i was in, the more i tried to get out of it i just dug deeper and deeper until thats all i wanted to do is die. blah blah blah here i am now.......(not telling anymore) i lost my house and was living off a friend that actually cared. I still had no family no job no life, my life spirraled out of control. now at the age of 28 life still is going worse than it ever has.
My one question about life is "whats life worth living for?" i have lost so much i just despised life(i still do) its all just circling the drain for me no money no education diploma it was all fucked. I guess i was born to lose and destined to fail.
I woke up today and felt like pulling the trigger to end such pain.
i just want to seise living and go away permanantly.
Note: i am drunk my true feelings are coming out and i really hate life! so pardon my speelling
My one question about life is "whats life worth living for?" i have lost so much i just despised life(i still do) its all just circling the drain for me no money no education diploma it was all fucked. I guess i was born to lose and destined to fail.
I woke up today and felt like pulling the trigger to end such pain.
i just want to seise living and go away permanantly.
Note: i am drunk my true feelings are coming out and i really hate life! so pardon my speelling