Is it good or bad that im drunk and suicidal?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by UmbrellaCorpSoldier, Feb 4, 2009.

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  1. well since im drunk i dont give a shit about punctuation, so bear with me. My life all went bad at the age of 14 i moved from Charlotte NC to Louisiana it was a very odd change to me the land was different, it was very swampy i was used to a creek or two in the area of charlotte, the creeks where shallow and sandy. that was the first thing that started to affect me. im was used to having a walk to a river or creek and trotting through it to see what i could find(nature wise). louisiana was very different it was wet smelly and the mosquitos where horrible the rivers and streams where infested with parasite or just plain out dangerous with snakes and gators. school sucked when i moved i was told it was a great school, it wasnt. the strictness was unhealthy it was that bad, i just about ended up getting expelled from that horrible school before my mom took me out to homeschool me. My dad bought a home school program and didnt pay the monthly dues so i missed a full year of school until i moved. within that year of no schooling my dad was generous enoughj to buy two Suzuki four wheelers, living on 5 acres and having alot of abbandoned land around the area made it fun. hangin with freinds drinking smoking new things it was pretty fun until my dad divorced my mom during the move. my mom still talked to me and my sister still lived in charrlotte so it was me and my dad, as i got older i figured out my dad left NC because he was in debt and ran from it. he made a retarded desicion to leave it wasnt that bad. after we had a talk about it everything changed he stopped acting like a dad and acting more like some asshole that didnt give a shit about anyone but himself. we moved moved to a small town that was boring. One sunday he told me he had a girl friend and she was moving in monday unknown to me she had 4 kids. my dad practically disowned me for those damn kids, no allowance no money no lisence it was all going bad. school was getting worse i started in 8th grade in that town and turned 16, while still in my second year of 8th grade. i decided to drop out my mom found out about my dicision and disowned me same with my dad, i left before i dropped out by then i finally got a lisence and a shitty car, so after i dropped out i left and hit the road, lonely and tired, living off people trying to make myself happy my sister was the only one who still talked to me, she really cared about me and wanted me to go to NC to live with her. I decided to go and lived with her trying to get a job in NC without a diploma was hard but i found a job and started to make money. My sister was annoyed to have me around after a year so i found a place in another state that i could pay for on my own. that worked out ok i had asked for some help but got no answer from anyone no girlfriend no family just the lonely old me. i had an ok job the suicidal feelings where stronger than ever i justed wanted to go to sleep permanantly. Suicide just felt the only way out from a hole that i was in, the more i tried to get out of it i just dug deeper and deeper until thats all i wanted to do is die. blah blah blah here i am now.......(not telling anymore) i lost my house and was living off a friend that actually cared. I still had no family no job no life, my life spirraled out of control. now at the age of 28 life still is going worse than it ever has.

    My one question about life is "whats life worth living for?" i have lost so much i just despised life(i still do) its all just circling the drain for me no money no education diploma it was all fucked. I guess i was born to lose and destined to fail.
    I woke up today and felt like pulling the trigger to end such pain.
    i just want to seise living and go away permanantly.

    Note: i am drunk my true feelings are coming out and i really hate life! so pardon my speelling
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ... don't worry about your spelling. it's all good. . .

    you have had quite a unique life experience, and it sounds kind of sad and confusing, and chaotic.

    due to your mixed up educational background. . . . .you are being really hard on yourself :sad:

    you sure came to the right place - we understand. . . and how many times have i asked that question. . . what IS life worth living for. . . indeed.
    no clear answer - no wisdom . . have i to offer. but. . . i think it might be something simple - like - be good to each other...and to yourSELF.

    douglas macarthur (spelling!) once said - looking at a seemingly impossible situation - "'problems are always complex - solutions are often simple.""

    that is what keeps ME going for now. and yes, i have been drunk and suicidal. not the best combo my dear friend.
    i hope you find support here. for sure, reach out - there are people here who care. i care. pm me anytime if you want to talk. :hug:
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Omg dude you went threw my lifes dream! (in a way)
    You managed to leave, you managed to get a car, a job, your own place!
    Im 23 (almost 24) and still live with my parents, on thair money
    i dont have anything that actualy belongs to me
    I cant work, i cant even treat myself as i dont have money
    (luckly my parents pay for my meds)
    I have no rights for help as im not a 100% citizen...
    Dude, your life against mine, you are if a fucken heaven!
  4. cradle 2 da grave

    cradle 2 da grave New Member

    hi there, it sounds like you have had alot of emotional and other issues to deal with, i can certainly sympathise with you as i know how it feels to feel abandoned. i know how it feels to come from a broken family as mine has similar problems, i grew up with only one parent which caused me alot of problems. i left school at age 15 in the uk and that set me back alot but hasnt stopped me from becoming what i wanted to be.

    its not healthy to dwell on the past dude, you cant expect the future to get better if you put all your energy into thinking of the past, and killing yourself will not solve problems, thats just giving in to them and admiting defeat. you need to be strong and take a good hold of yourself, its never too late to change things and make your life better. iam on this forum because at one point i felt my life was done for and there was no way to solve my problems and no other way out except suicide, i was wrong, and after surviving a serious attempt i was helped into sorting my life out which led to me being where i am now, alot happier and finally going places after years of hell.

    its a good start you coming here to seek help because this is somewhere you will find it, so hang on and im sure we can help you out, there are alot of us here with different problems, but we are all here for the same reason.

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