Is it infatuation? or is it Love?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by NotSureAnymore, Jun 13, 2009.

  1. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    Well here's my situation.. and hopefully I won't confuse anyone else with my erm confusion:

    So I've known this guy, we will call him Bob, and I've known him for maybe 3 or 4 years. Might be 5 years? We met in a chatroom ages ago. He use to be a mod for a chat-room I use to co-own with an ex bf about 3 or 4 years back. Within the last year we've gotten really close. We're basically best friends.. we tell each other pretty much everything and we're both honest with each other. Well he told me that he had a crush on me when I was with my ex. He told me this about 7 or 5 months ago. I've been single since Sept of last year. I was in a long distance internet relationship with this other guy for almost a year.

    Ok so back to Bob.. I really like this guy, he's sweet, caring, he's a smartass... he's just awesome. My best friend Heidi, of 8 years, tells me that it's funny how much me and Bob are alilke and we should get together already. She talks to him as well and she's told me a few things that he's said about me. I was in Vegas for about a week and he was constantly telling her how bad he missed me and so forth. When I came back.. the first few days he didn't really display this affection towards me. So I was confused with that.

    About 2 or 3 months ago, we both went into detail about how deep are feelings are for one another. It was a very long conversation over the phone. (But ever since then.. he's been acting weird? I almost feel though it was a mistake to have that conversation. Our friendship doesn't feel the same. I called him on out this and said that he hasn't been saying much. He's said its him.. saying that he sees me in a different light now and that is a good thing. But my logic tells me.. if you're into someone... you'd want to still talk to them still.. or just AS MUCH as before.) I told him that every time he texts me I smile and when he calls me I smile.. I get butterflies. He said the same thing, but in that guy language. I know that Bob and I are both holding back because we do live far away from each other, I'm in Arizona and he's in Louisiana. I think about him all the time.. but I can't tell if I'm falling in love with him or I'm just infatuated. Sometimes he does things that make me think his attraction to me is just sexual. But of course.. men and women do not think on the same wave length when it comes to feelings such as those mentioned. There are days when Bob does things that just turn me off. And then I'm back to liking him.. sometime's he just annoys me with things he does when we're talking on the phone.

    We both have our issues with ourselves.. so we are each others support system. But we're practically best friends and that's what best friends do.
    I'm suppose to fly out to LA in Oct to visit him.. to see if we CONNECT. And what's weird is that I'm almost hoping he meets someone else before then.. because I almost feel like I'm holding him back. He's a total sweetheart.
    The other thing is the age difference too.. he's 23 and I'm 27.. and he's still in that immature phase.. that high school mentality phase it seems like. Saying thing's like whatever.... and those other things. Or I'll ask him what he meant by something.. and he'll answer: I don't know. He does this a lot and it tusns me completely off.

    Internet relationships do suck.. but anythings possible. So is it infatuation? Love? or just sexual? I'm not sure what to call it.
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Infatuation, love, and obsessive-compulsive disorder focusing on another human being are, biochemically, identical ideas... Don't worry too much about the name, worry more about the feeling.

    One important thing to note is that no matter how your relationship is now, or how it used to be, it's going to be drastically different in person. I would say to go for it, to see how everything goes in October... Two people is complicated and hard and unpredictable. Give it your best shot, 'cause you'll never know otherwise.
  3. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    You just have to ask yourself one question- and it is the difference between real love and infatuation. Would you do anything, ANYTHING, to make him happy? This means letting him go even if you so want to be with him? Would you still stand by him any way you could as a friend and be happy for him if he were to find someone else?

    I found this out after it was too late. Hope it helps
  4. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    I would do anything to make him happy. Because everyone deserves to be loved and to be happy.

    When/if he found someone else... I will let him go. Would I be happy to let him go? Probably not. I would be sad for a while but I would still be he his friend.. I can't throw away 5 years of friendship. So with that said.. maybe it is love?

    Aoeu .. maybe I should just go for it.. I don't know why I worry like that. I guess I'm all about details. But it just makes someone think otherwise when the person who has a STRONG thing for you act's one way and does something else and vice versa.

    And to make things even more confusing.. I don't know if I can tell the difference sexual attraction and being in love. -Shakes head- But if I'm back to that question.. wouldn't this mean that I am indeed infatuated with him?
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Sounds like love to me :)
    I hope things work out when you go to visit him :heart:
    If not that's ok too :hug: