Is it just me, or can friends never really be trusted?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Angelo_91, Mar 22, 2009.

  1. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    What I've come to realize through experiences of having friends is that they just can't seem to be fully trusted. Maybe I'm just a guy with high standards of friendship but is it really possible my definition of friendship is just garbage? I just can't seem to be bothered with explaining my problems to my friends these days or even trusting them because:
    1. They always seem to expect something of profit or well-being if they associate themselves with me. It's like i have to prove my fucking worth everytime
    2. When I explain my problems, they just dont seem to have the sensible ability to just fucking put themselves in my shoes for once, they are always about their own fucking problems. They either just ignore me, or change the subject with something so fucking stupid and random. Sometimes I think, why do I surround myself with such dumb fuckheaded people.

    But even as optimistic I try to live, I still feel like a pathetic little boy who needs friends to validate life. Im trying to change this mindset, but it has become clear I can't keep a single mindset for far too long because my mind has it's way of telling itself, if thinking this way will create change, where the fuck is it? and it is endless.

    Back to friends, they seem too selfish and only care about their own wellbeing. It makes me laugh, and make me want to kill them because of how they think they are invisibly fucking above me. It's not there, they hide it but in depth i can tell they always do things with the intention of showing their ways of saying hey "Im better at you at this." And I always have to acknowledge and say, something like wow thats cool just to put them up, but whenever I do a simple brag about something they know Im good at, they just cant have the decency to appraise me, like it is some sort of fucking competition. Makes me laugh.

    Now im contemplating about how stupid this topic has become because I have created the idea in my head people will think that this angelo_91 guy is one desperate fucker, which seems to make me feel this emotion of fear and a threat to my third person image. Is that kinda fucked, or is it just me.

    I think it is time for me to grow out of this phase where i need friends, where i need a sense of belonging, but at the same time I deeply somewhere inside me linger and hunger for the attention they get. Oh how killing people would make this so so easier for me. :L

    WARUMONO Member

    I totally understand what you mean. I'm going through some shit right now with my lame-ass friends as well. At first I thought they were decent peope - I'm very careful about who I associate myself with and if I don't want you around I'll basically tell you to fuck off. Anyway, people can be so annoying. If I told a story they'd have to top it, just like you said - a competition. It's so fucking pathetic. And one friend, my very best, is a hardcore Christian while I myself am an Athiest. Funny how she only has time for her church going friends though, now isn't it? But me, I don't get a minute of her time. Because I don't believe in the silly man in the sky? Come on! There's so many more problems I've encountered but this would be 20 pages long.

    I want to get rid of that mentality too but I don't think it's possible. There is only one person in the world I can trust and he lives a billion miles away. If people give you shit, ditch them. There are good people out there you just have to take the time to find them. And I'm guessing it will take a while.
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I had to get rid of all of my friends in the last 4 years or so, because most of them were what I call leeches "only friends with me because of what I could offer them" and my Mum even constantly says 'friendship is give and take'.
    But what about the times when you really need them? Can't it just be a little more take then give at those times?

    It doesn't appear so, not with most people. Because once they realise they aren't getting anything from you or benefiting from knowing you - they're gone.

    And to me, that isn't friendship at all.

    I think if you even have ONE good friend, hold on to him or her, because real friends are hard to find but acquaintances are there always. Useless beings that they are however.
  4. Pr3cious

    Pr3cious New Member

    I never had a friend that I trusted 100%. I wish I had one.

    Only friend I had that I trusted 100% was a BOYFRIEND. But he abandoned me in the end.
  5. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    online people ... no... mostly. irl.. some can be
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    People can be trusted to behave as they do, nothing more. Just because you're close friends with somebody doesn't imply that that person will be more accepting of something that goes against their beliefs.

    I can be a friend, but at the end of the day I'll behave like me. We're all stuck in a hole and nobody can get out of it. For instance, and I mean no offense, but you complained that all your friends did was talk about their problems. But as their friend, who wants them to care about you, shouldn't you have taken a key role in helping them through their problem?

    It's easy to trust people if you don't give a damn.
  7. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    What are you trying to say, im so tired of reading fucking mind boggling responses? try to be straight. Are you trying to say I need to feel for their problems? Well i do, hence why i said. and I even appraise them without meaning it. Plus their problems are so simple minded. For example, one of my friends was pissed because his ex truely became the whore she was. I tell him to move on theres no point in dwelling. I tell them about my problems and they act as if Im just dwelling like I usual do. I get no sympathy, really.

    And your last statement, don't give a damn about exactly what? I dont really get what your saying.

    I trust my friends to a certain point, but my point is why I don't get any mutual treatment. And not everyone is in a hole they can get out of. Some people are in way deeper holes, no one is the same. Worst part is most of us don't know how to deal with the stress. So we are bound to curl up even more, with more issues straining you, til you lose your resilience and just break aka suicide.
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Don't get on my case if you don't like my answer; ignore it. :mad:


    Anyways, I'll try to be more clear.

    It's their problem, not yours. So you can't judge how detrimental it is to your friend. It may seem trivial or "simple minded" but it doesn't to them. How do you feel when people tell you that your depression is nonsensical and you should move on? It doesn't matter, just saying as an aside.

    After telling them to move on, they return it to you? That make sense to me. Most people just give what they've been given. Friends are there to support people no matter how deep the hole is. It's not a pissing contest.

    Next time just ask your friends for sympathy.

    And about not giving a damn:

    If I don't care what you do or don't do. Then I can trust you because your behavior doesn't effect me. That's what I meant.
  9. maranature

    maranature Well-Known Member

    Interesting points OP. I agree with much of what you've said. No such thing as unconditional love unfortunately unless you embrace Jesus.

    Yes, I agree, people ONLY form relationships for reasons of usefulness: women for children, men for status and money. Deviation from these rules is mental weakness, which is of less value for reproduction...see where I'm going...such is life.

    Yea, I guess I am still trying to figure out where I fit into it all??? and I'm over 30!:huh:
  10. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ok. there are many reasons people may form relationships.

    i am 45. my kids are 16 and 11. i am not going to have more children - i could but i don't want to traumatize my existing children! lol but. . .seriously. women DO form relationships for reasons OTHER than having children. come on and get real here. and men want love and companionship - not just status and money.

    everyone wants to be loved. and to feel like they are not alone in this world.

    we are companion animals.

    but...most of us are very human - not simply ''animalistic''

    real friends can be trusted. but. we are all human and even trusted friends can make mistakes.

    it does not matter how you meet the friend. real life, virtual life, etc.
    what does matter - is the situation - and the character - of said friend.
  11. SadPandaBear

    SadPandaBear Well-Known Member

    there is a large portion of people that cant be trusted, and sadly only a very small handful of people that can be trusted.

    just got to weed them out.
  12. Regenesis

    Regenesis Well-Known Member

    The only ones that will stick for you are your parents(and eventually brothers,sisters).
    The rest don't really care for anyone else.Yeah,they might say stuff like OMG,poor guy,but after they walk 20 feet,they will forget about it.The fact is that in life we can only have faith in us,not anyone else.
  13. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    .....sadly, parents are not always to be trusted.

    there are times when friends are more faithful and trustworthy than blood relatives.

    it is not the relationship we have with someone - that proves them trustworthy. it is the character of the person, themself.
  14. Regenesis

    Regenesis Well-Known Member

    Maybe for you,but in my experience it was exactly the oposite.
  15. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    definitely agree with you !