is it just me

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fuck i fail at everything, last time was just a messy nightmare. physically and mentally.
i feel alone.. i smile for the day but inside i feel odd. i know the pain of suicidal one leaves behind them but i still cant stop wanting to die.. wondering if i would leave a trace behind that who fade away so easily since, nobody really know who i am. i learn to hide what i think or feel no to hurt my dear ones.. am only fake...
something i imagine to set up my own death making it look as a mere accident not to hurt my mum...
i keep thinking that to take the step toward unknown takes a lot of courage and is a choice...... in some case.........
only my opnion not the absolute truth*


Senior Member
Hi, crashnburn. There is a song from the play "showboat". The lyrics in one place say "I'm tired of living and scared of dying". I think of that song sometimes. But i gotta tell you, A mother never ever recovers from the loss of a child. no matter the age. No matter if it is from suicide, accident or illness. A mother never recovers from the loss of a child. :flowers: and :rose: for you


Well-Known Member
hm, does a grandmother recover from the loss of a grandson?

i wonder, if it was a nightmare would u do it again?
that is one of my fears, if i hurt myself too bad in my attempts i will not be able to do it again :(, like right now i have a god awful fear of pills, when ever i have a pill bottle, i end up being sick for a few days, i learned i cannot take any medicine for any pains i have because i will eventually get suicidal and take the bottle and get sick, and now u fear pills! i would refuse to take any, they make me sick just thinking of swallowing them, i need to find a better method,
I have to agree with everyone else too. My brother commited suicide 2 years ago, he was 24 and no one has gotten over it and it will never ever get easier. My sister is suicidal too as am I. suicide has messed up my family and our lives. Think of the pain you would feel if you lost your mum, now think of the pain she would feel. Xx
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