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Is it me or is it you?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by destroythesethoughts, Oct 31, 2012.

  1. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    I'm in a relationship with a super amazing guy. He treats me extremely well and honestly, I've never been happier.
    But there's a small problem. Well a small problem that is turning into a big one.
    I feel like I'm put on the back burner all the time.
    He's a really social person and has a lot of friends.
    Me on the other hand, I'm a socially awkward retard, and I'm also pretty much anti social.
    I don't care that he wants to hang out with his friends. I'm not clingy or obsessive.
    I just feel like he chooses his friends over me a lot.

    And I'll even provide an example of why I feel like I'm put on the back burner:

    Last night I was having one of my break downs. I was considering cutting and all that crap. So I sent him a text asking him if he could come over and comfort me. I really needed him at this point. But his response was "I'm at my friends watching movies. Why don't you just go to sleep?" :| I was seriously pissed off at that. like for real? I'm breaking down and need you and you're telling me to go to sleep because you're with your freaking friends?!

    That's not the first time he's done that either.

    Could i be over reacting?
    Should I bring it to his attention?
    Or should I just let it go and deal with possibly being less important to his friends?

    HELP ME.
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    You are definately worth more than you know. Its hard for someone who doesn't experience the life you live to understand where you are coming from. Its neither your fault or his. He definately not aware of the severity of His words that's for sure. Perhaps you should chat with him about your issues? If he dumps you he wasn't right for you plain and simple.
  3. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    He's aware of my issues, that's the thing.
    He knows what I'm going through but puts me in second place.
  4. CogitoErgoSum

    CogitoErgoSum Member

    I'll answer your three questions in order and hopefully you'll get something out of it :)
    I'm socially awkward on the internet! So I respect your way of socializing and I'll hope you overlook my flaws here :-D!

    Are you overreacting?
    I wouldn't say you're overreacting, considering the fact that both you yourself and boyfriend seem to know you have you "darker" moments :) so it's all in all very understandable.

    Should you bring it to his attention?
    YES! You have to! But be-warned you need to know what you want to get out of the following debate before you get into it. Remember that he's earning your attention just as much as you're earning his.

    Last question
    I don't know how answer this question because I don't think you're looking at it the right way.


    The situation you brought up could be seen as him ignoring you in favor of his friends. I hate to say it but honestly think the underlying issue is whether or not your partner has come to terms with understanding your needs. If you're a bit of an un-stable person you're going to need certain love and attention (of'course not piety, you probably want to grow and learn to deal with it to a point where you can cope without it interfering). Stable people will sub-consciously remove themselves from such negativity.

    If the last bit didn't cover enough please send a message somehow I'll be happy to explain. If this wasn't your cup of tea then I hope you at least managed to come up with something on your own :) Best of luck! <3

  5. destroythesethoughts

    destroythesethoughts Active Member

    Well, everytime I speak of him putting me on the back burner, he gets super mad. It's all just getting so old.
  6. BandAid

    BandAid Member

    No, you're not overreacting. Since you have brought this to his attention, it's obvious you are just in the backseat and I don't believe he is taking you seriously. Perhaps a talk about how his words affect you might put it in perspective for him. Men don't exactly read between the lines. Sometimes we need to be told directly. That being said, if after that talk no changes come, I think it's not meant to be. In life, we may have to settle for jobs, cars, or other activities, but love is the one thing you do not need to settle for. Good Luck.