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Is it me or not?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by zeroloss, Jan 15, 2014.

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  1. zeroloss

    zeroloss Member

    Hey guys...

    it's been a while since my last visit here but I haven't forgot this. I need to hear your opions about an issue I've been struggling with. For more than 3 years, I've been involved with a girl. She lives far away but it's some special kind of bond between us - always has been -, you can take my word for it. Well, we met in July of 2013 and it was like we knew each other since ever, that day was something I had to experience. Otherwise I would have went nuts or something... One month later she went far away for an exchange (10 months), we talked like we always did but since September nothing but silence. I can't comprehend, no, not at all and it's driving me crazy. Almost 5 months now without a single word. I asked, I implored but I coulnd't make her talk to me. I can't say if she's doing pretty well or if she's about to give up over there. She has no clue what had happened to me during these months. I had a traffic accident on my way to school, got hit by a car, afterwards I was in intensive care. My depressions ate me alive, like... I couln't even get up in the mornings to school, couldn't eat or do anything. I'm not someone who would attempt suicide and survive. If I'd try, I'd do it right. That's something that scares me and honestly I am not living for myself or anybody else except her. So I don't really know if I've already lost her and if my life's worth living anymore. And I know if I still mean something to her, she'd probably follow me. And I don't want to sound arrogant but she once said that if I would leave, she wouldn't let me alone. I think she's also suffering because of her depressions, that's why she also did this exchange, as a chance of recovering and getting back up again. My mood changes every hour, from losing my mind, hurting others, being an a**hole over becoming calm and hoping that everything's gonna be okay. There are some strange things going on with me... I'm having several dreams over night and if she appears and I wake up, I think that it was no dream and true and that we're still having contact and that everythings fine. When I'm awake, my head starts to heat again because of my emotions flowing over and I'm pillow soaking again, wishing I'd be dead and this vicious cycle stops at last. I am trying everything I can do, I got up so many times, staying alive because there is still the thought of us finally getting together, what might sound funny for you or whatever...

    And I think that there is a line which, if my depressions cross it, allow no turning back, I got my final exams 2 months later and I am hopeless, thinkin if it is worth the effort anymore. Her last words were like: "I am not being silent on purpose, I wana talk but I don't know what about". What should I do now? How does this sound to you? I need help, I'm dying...

    Sorry for my average language skills...

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2014
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    it seems you're addicted to thinking about this person and making her your hope and everything. gotta ask yourself: is that healthy?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    She is keeping herself busy with her studies and you need to keep yourself busy as well ok with your studies if sheis not talking then she has chosen to move on and you need to move on as well Find someone new hun
  4. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Why suicide over a gal? Its painful and it may cause u to be sucidal but it seems to me to have a.great life.ahead.of u and things to live for other than a gal.

    I am glad that you are aware of your emotions and.also the danger in.life. So I am.wondering.wat you are planning to you since.you recognize the danger of it.

    I dont know that gal but it seems to me that she maybe going thru something in life and.wants.to be left alone for awhile. If she.is ready to talk to you. She will. If she have moved on, you should too.
  5. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    Ask yourself this and answer yourself honestly:

    If you did get together with this girl... would your mind then be at peace?

    If you got together with this girl... would you then truly feel good once and for all on the inside?

    Peace and good feeling comes first. That is the solution you need, not the girl.

    You need to seek relief, counseling and help for depression.

    Personally, meditation has been great for calming down and it is highly recommended everywhere.

    Healthy girls want guys they can trust will be reliable. That is the guy you need to become first.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2014
  6. zeroloss

    zeroloss Member

    I don't think that she's trying to move on or something. She's morely trying to escape her depressions. But she didn't seem to want to break contact... But why does that have to mean to ignore me, I don't get it
  7. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    probs felt like needed a bit of space
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