Is it my fault?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostsheep, May 12, 2013.

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  1. lostsheep

    lostsheep Member

    My husband and I had an arugment. He kept on saying I am a pain and I'm stupid. When he meets new people he makes fun of me. Earlier I got so angry I hit him on the arm. He hit me back 3 times and kicked me.

    I promised myself in the past when I was still single that if my husband hit me I will leave. However, I'm confused. Perhaps it's my fault? If I hadn't hit him he wouldn't have hit me.

    I thought of ending it all again but I did promise myself that I wouldn't do it. I did cut myself though and felt better after that.

    I need someone...
     
  2. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Lostsheep, It seems to me you did nothing wrong, you lashed out from sheer frustration at how your husband is with you and speaks about you to others.
    Was the arguement about this?
    I dont think hitting people is right, but dont blame yourself, cos you were in bad frame of mind and did it on spur the moment, him hitting you back 3 times was not acceptable and to kick you was wrong.
    My ex used to hurt me and out all the times I only hit back twice, made me feel bad but did it cos could not take anymore at that time, sometimes it'd be hours and hours of torment.
    Cutting makes us feel better, but only temporarily (well for me) wonder how you feeling now?
    I always said if i got in a r-ship again and the bloke hit me I would walk away, BUT I dont know for sure cos when you care about someone and love them then you put up with alot, it doesn't excuse it though, but sometimes its a one off.
    He belittles you to other people but has he ever physically hit you before or you hit him?
    Here if you need to talk either on post or private message.
    Take care xx
     
  3. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Lostsheep, It seems to me you did nothing wrong, you lashed out from sheer frustration at how your husband is with you and speaks about you to others.
    Was the arguement about this?
    I dont think hitting people is right, but dont blame yourself, cos you were in bad frame of mind and did it on spur the moment, him hitting you back 3 times was not acceptable and to kick you was wrong.
    My ex used to hurt me and out all the times I only hit back twice, made me feel bad but did it cos could not take anymore at that time, sometimes it'd be hours and hours of torment.
    Cutting makes us feel better, but only temporarily (well for me) wonder how you feeling now?
    I always said if i got in a r-ship again and the bloke hit me I would walk away, BUT I dont know for sure cos when you care about someone and love them then you put up with alot, it doesn't excuse it though, but sometimes its a one off.
    He belittles you to other people but has he ever physically hit you before or you hit him?
    Here if you need to talk either on post or private message.
    Take care xx
     
  4. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Wow, hon, it sounds like you are in a very unhealthy relationship. Not only physical abuse, but verbal and emotional abuse as well.

    I would suggest that at least you insist on some sort of counseling for your marriage. And if you're not safe, physically or emotionally living with your husband for now, then please go somewhere where you are safe.

    Take care.
     
  5. lostsheep

    lostsheep Member

    This doesn't happen all the time. There are times when he's ok. He's hard working and would sometimes get me stuff he thought I would like. I'm just confused at the moment. I don't know what to think. I might be over reacting? I don't know. I am going to some CBT this week. Perhaps something to talk to them about. I just need to know from others' perspective.
     
  6. lostsheep

    lostsheep Member

    Thank you for the message. It means a lot. It just feels like I'm loosing myself sometimes.
     
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'll try helping. Might not necessarily be what you'd want to read/hear.

    There's always a possibility that things aren't as clear as they seem. You said that if your husband hit you, you'd leave him, and the situation needs addressing.

    Have you considered talking it through with him about this? The abusive nature of what is in the opening post can escalate and things blow up out of proportion, where a simple conversation could be what it takes to resolve. It seems like it's cat and mouse, with both you and your husband equally responsible.

    Is it anyone's fault? If anything, it's 50/50. Him for being verbally abusive in the first place, you for getting physical with your reaction. Makes it clear that it takes two, and if you'd not reacted that way, then there would be room for potentially more sympathy, and the final reaction of cutting to feel better, I would advise you to consider trying to associate feeling better with another form of coping. Self-harm is extremely wide-ranged, and has serious consequences.
     
  8. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Assigning fault probably won't bring resolution. Perhaps it is time to both sit down and discuss, either alone together or through a professional counselor, the underlying issues that drive each of you to have stress in the relationship. In his defense (and I'm not really defending him, but speaking figuratively), there may be more serious underlying issues going on and you may simply be the source for his release. Maybe if a root cause can be determined, you both can work together to resolve the problem
     
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