Hello everyone here. Here I am again. Feeling just..horrible. I don't know if this will help me in any way...but I have reached a stage..where I just plainly don't care anymore. I see no way out of this. I have a strong wish just to end my life. Yet another fight with my mother. Ever since I turned 18 I keep getting into fights with my mother every second day. "What is that tone you use with me? You are disrespectful and a good-for-nothing!", is what I hear on a daily basis. We fight over things that are normal for others. We are asian..and so the rules in this house are pretty strict. I am not allowed to go out very often, because I am supposed to study or to help out in the house. And if I do go out, I have to keep our reputation up. I have to be the "good and successful" grown-up lady, no drinking and no relationship with anyone. I have to listen to what my parents say. If I don't, I am a disrespectful brat that doesn't deserve to be in this house. I have to get good grades. I have to obey. But I can't... I'm tired. After every fight I am the one who is wrong. I am the one who has to apologize. I am the one who has to promise not to do wrong again. I spent half of the day trying to talk to her. But she doesn't wanna hear. "If you come near me I will bump my head against the wall and die!!", is what she said and demonstrated to me just for me to see that she was serious. I am so very tired. I know that to some point they just want me to be happy and lead a good life...but I just don't. I am not happy. I don't want to live. I want to be free. And..it seems to me that I can only be free when dead. Thanks for reading... have a nice day.