I wonder whether this is because you feel guilty about having good things happen or you feel guilty (or something?) about feeling happy? Maybe you feel you don't deserve to feel good or something? Not sure if that makes sense but am just thinking outloud
For me when things are going well I often think in the back of my mind that it won't last and i somewhat wait for the negative things to kick in..
Yes, this happens to me often. It seems like the happier the experience the worse I end up a few hours after. I went to Leeds the other week to meet a friend, had a great day but as soon as I was on the train back home I ended up almost breaking down. Got home, went straight into bed and just led there for several hours wanting to end it. The following day was worse, I ended up making plans but was talked out of it by some good people on here.
I think It's a case of low self esteem, I don't feel like I'm worth anything so when something good happens I feel like I didn't deserve it.
Yeah, I always try to hold myself in check, not too animated, not too pleasant, not giddy, no never giddy; joy has always tended to come crashing down around my ears as soon as I get home and see my face in the mirror.
happiness just reminds me that the depression will be back. So when im happy/feel like im becoming happy, i simply wait till the depression comes back. Because it's easier to stay depressed/low then constantly go up and down.
For years, happiness caused great fear because I did not know what to do with it...I lived so many years being depressed, and this is how I defined myself...being depressed was safe, and I knew how to control my shame by punishing myself...J
This was exactly how I was for thirty years (yes 30!!!!) I ended up suicidal so I sought counselling, as it transpired the reason for this was that I was carrying guilt from a very serious event which happened early in my life, so everytime I was happy my guilt resurfaced and manifested itself as anger and depression.
I'm through the worst of it now thanks to God and and an excellent psychiatrist.
Sadeyes, is that what that is? Depression is safe? I know mine kicks in every time it feels like I could reward myself for doing something good. I wonder why it is easier to control depression than just boring normalcy?