Is it normal to want to go even if everything is doing better than good?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by welplayed, Nov 21, 2014.

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  1. welplayed

    welplayed Member

    My pet, a lovebird, flew away a few days ago, i hand fed him when he was only 1 week old when he was left behind by his parents. He never set foot on a cage, he could freely fly all around my house, he and i would play everyday, he would only trust me, he would try to draw my attention when i was the most busy, he would push dishses, glashes and everything off the edges and break them, then fly away as if it hadn't been him, i enjoyed every second i had with that guy, i was expecting to be able to spend at least 10 years with him but we barely made it to 3. Now that he's gone i'm back to where i was before he came into my life, i feel nothing, i don't enjoy anything, i really can't find any fullfillment in life, i'm about to get my telecom engineering degree, i have a nice family, a job, and a few good friends i guess, but i still feel nothing, i laugh a lot and talk a lot when i'm among other people but in reality i wish i could just stay quiet all the time, not have to talk to anyone, not have to do anything, because i don't enjoy anything, no matter how much fun other people have with something, i feel nothing by trying it. Girlfriends, friends, gym, work, travel, nights out, parties, reading books, watching movies, i don't even enjoy videogaming anymore. I didn't remember how i felt before i had my lovebird, but now that he's gone i realise that he was the only one keeping me alive, i wanted to succeed just because of him, i wanted to get a bigger place to have him in and get him other friends that could share with him when i was away. Now he's probably dead because of me, i heard his frustrational help whistles as he flew away, but i couldn't help him, i couldn't even see where did he fly to, he's probably been eaten by the at least 10 hawks that are in the area, i've cried him a lot, i stopped crying him about 2 days ago and i haven't felt anything afterwards. Just emptyness, now i've gone to my suicidal thoughts once again as i was when i didn't have him in my life.
     
  2. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that you lost your friend. It hurts so much and often people don't understand the bond that can form between a person and an animal. One thing that I would suggest is think about getting a rescued bird (or two). There are lots of abandoned birds and other animals who are desperate for a good home. We need caring people like you in the world and you gave that little guy a great life. Take care.
     
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