Is it now time to call it a crisis?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Rowan, Jun 16, 2010.

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  1. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    I'm not sure... I feel like I'm going to lose it any time soon.
    I truly cant breath... I've had this feeling of wanting to... die non stop for 3 weeks now... scary what kind of thoughts can go through your head...
    I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm scared... utterly scared for what I might possibly do, but at the same time I'm not scared, I'm happy...
    Suicide and si... just keep rushing though my head, even at school those damn thoughts wont go away... My friends have noticed the difference in myself today... It was weird for them to point out how... I looked so dead.

    I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I cant deal with this anymore. I literally cant...
     
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Yes, it is time now to get some help.

    You don't need to do this on your own.

    Do you have family you can reach out to? Perhaps a school counsellor who can advice you on where to get help? Alternatively your doctor is a good place to start.
     
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey Raynah like domo said there is help out there and you should not have to do this alone, in fact you don't have to.
    WE are all here for you but often times, as is the case for me, I need a bit more then SF and I hope you reach out for that help...if you are shy or scared we could exchange information in PM and I would be happy to make some calls for you...it is so hard to advocate for help for yourself when you are feeling so bad so if you need someone to do the footwork for you I would be more than happy to help.
    I know the thoughts are scary but they are just thoughts that you do not need to act on so please get help before you do something to hurt yourself.
    Well big hugs to you and I am here for you
    Bambi
     
  4. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    No, I basically have no family to reach out too... they are just people that I live with... and just... bleh... I want nothing to do with them...
    I mean I have a doctor... but hes a new one and I've only met him once... Im scared to just randomly start talking about this like... yeah...
    I feel like Im alone in this. In fact I am alone... I mean two of my friends know whats going on... they knew I was going to this crisis center... they were the ones who basically made me go lol.
    The thoughts are just so overwhelming... I cant take it anymore... Im sorry for fucking up though... :(
     
  5. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    There is no need to be scared. Your doctor is there to help you.

    Does the crisis centre provide anyone who can help you in finding ongoing care?

    You are not fucking up. These things happen. We are all here for the same reason. You don't need to judge yourself that way.
     
  6. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    I know that... But he seems really creepy :unsure:
    I havent really talked to him... just slightly about the pain... but thats really it...
    And no they didnt provide me with anything furthermore, after I left... they told me they would do follow ups by call... but nothing more unless I had to go back...
    Im just worried at the moment of, I'm going to re do something... or Im going to attempt something...
     
  7. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Don't worry, my psychiatrist is like that...he gives me the thumbs up when i tell him i haven't attempted! But he has a good heart under is creepy and extremely dorly exterior.

    Well it wouldn't hurt for you to call them up. Just ask if they can help you find some resources in your local area. Or what about a school cousellor?

    You can rely on us here. Stay and chat until this passes. Or do you think you should go back to the crisis centre?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2010
  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    yes please be gentle with yourself Raynah you are among friends here so unburben yourself a bit and allow us to be your strength and support...we have to do it ourselves that is for sure but we don't have to do it alone so let the care, the support and the love in..we really do care ya know.
    Is there anything in particular that has got you down? Like any specific thoughts that keep running over in your head? if so please let it all out..it just festers in there and next thing you know it is all blown up so big you think you can never overcome it...which is far from the truth..
    One thing I really recommend is starting a journal as a way to let your thoughts out and you can see recurring themes as well as your progress...it really helps and you don't have to do it every single day...you can also make it totally private if you would like.
    Please know you have friends here and you don't have to do this alone....you are loved :arms:
     
  9. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    I've tried to stay... and chat... and then something comes out by accident.. and I get into trouble... I dont know... it was a complete accident... and now I just... cant do it anymore :(
    And... I dont want to go back to crisis... its too quiet... it helped trigger my thoughts of suicide... having about 48hours to myself excluding some talking time with the staff and another girl... and like two hours of sleeping...
    I had alot to think about... I cried so many times, damn Im so whimpy..
     
  10. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    Well.. not a complete thought that keeps re occurring... but I mean... school is becoming an issue, of how I might not pass 3/4 of my classes... which is horrid for me, I've never done this bad in my life.. I was always the good student, good grades... and now look at me...

    I feel very alone in this... and I dont comprehend why... I've never really used to forum... when now I know I should have used it sooner...
    I might make a journal... but Im not for sure. Thats a good idea...
    I remember a few things that one of the crisis members told me, and this might help one of you guys Im not sure..

    Its When someone makes a negative comment about you, think about it, and list the reasons why they would say that... not about yourself but why personally they would say it... like... uhm.. ''You're fat'' Could be like... they are simply just jealous... Thats a bad example sorry... just wanted to list something like that... it might help someone...
     
  11. Gina

    Gina Member

    Raynah. If you are still having constant suicidal thoughts and are afraid you may act on them, you need to go back to the crisis center. I know you said it was too quiet there, but the point of being there is to be in a safe place so you don't act on your thoughts. Period. I think it has been some time since your last post to this thread, but I also know you can still be feeling the same as you did before.
    The way you said all you did was cry there and didn't get any help makes me think that you didn't stay long enough. My experience of being acutely hospitalized is that when I leave I'm not suicidal then. I may feel a little emotionally numb, but I'm not suicidal. I'm just trying to say, that although you thought it wasn't helpful and if you are still acutely suicidal, please go back to the crisis center or ER. You may not like how the help you get winds up with you no longer feeling suicidal, it's just important that you survive this episode.
    I'm just figuring out icons, I'm offering you a big hug :arms: and I'm glad you have found this place to talk about things and I'd like to cheer you up :cheer: (but know that's not how it works), so I'm sending you a cheer to have the courage to go back to the crisis center :cheer:
     
  12. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    Yes, I still have that constant suicidal though sequence... still... I cant get it out of my head. It would be for the better if I just got lost... a lot of people don't want me here... I'm stupid and I say things that I'm absent minded about and forget about things. I literally don't want my life. Never have and never will want it. I don't want to wait it out either.. that's way to long..

    I thought about going to crisis again.. but I mean, I didn't like it there... I didn't eat there either, even though I hadn't eaten for a while. I was there for about 48hours. Its a safe place... but not for me. I was too overwhelmed with the thoughts that surfed through my mind. I almost attempted AT the crisis center. That was crazy of me... the staff member caught me before I could have done anything... but I mean... I cant go back there. I seriously cant.
     
  13. Gina

    Gina Member

    I'm in the US, here you go to a psych ward in a regular hospital. Do you have that available in Canada, or other options besides the crisis center you mentioned?
     
  14. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    There's a psych ward that's like.. 20minutes or so away from me... but I truly don't want to go to one...
    There's probably a few things I can do.. but I just don't know about them... but who really cares :( I don't, I should be gone by now.
     
  15. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    Im going crazy :( I cant take my mind... I just want it to shut up... I deserve having my mind like this... I want to go insane... and just lose it... I dont know whats keeping me here... I truly dont.
     
  16. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    I think it is time for me to leave this forum... :(
     
  17. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    This may sound boring but do you take any exercise like swimming?
     
  18. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    I cant swim :( Si, has sadly destroyed that, and Im really upset about that... I used to love swimming...
     
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I love swimming too Raynah. It feels very invigorating. It's ok to go swimming, even though you have scars. People will probably notice them, but they are a part of you now.
     
  20. Rowan

    Rowan Banned Member

    I cant swim with fresh... as you say ''scars'' So basically I have to give up on the fact of swimming unless I find boarding shorts long enough to cover them, and right now currently... I have not found a pair.
     
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