Is it ok if I kill myself because of this? If not, tell me why

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NoIdeaWhichName, Aug 12, 2016.

  1. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Last few months I'm obsessed about some videos about me on YouTube with my voice in them.
    One of these videos has 18k views and growing. Since there is no my image or my name youtube won't remove these videos. Maybe it sounds funny for you but I can't live normally because of that. I can't talk to anyone about that and I'm scared that someone would recognize me.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No two people's pain are the same so no one here is going to tell you it is OK to kill yourself. We are pro-life.

    It's not a silly issue, i can understand why it would be distressing. I think other than seeking legal advice on the matter please get some counselling and maybe see your doctor. If you ever need to talk im around, please do not harm yourself. How old are you may I ask?
     
  3. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    I'm 24
    I was actually looking for a forum where I can get some instructions how to correctly use an exit bag but I only found this forum and after reading the rules i realised that I can't talk about suicide methods so i just wanna ask if it's worth it because i actually wanted to kill myself for years...
    In last 9 years I also has other reasons to kill myself but currently is this one. I'm kinda ashamed to go to doctor or psychiatrist because i don't trust anyone and i'm scared that they would reveal my problems to someone. I went to psychiatrist once before 2 years only because my doctor couldn't gave me xanax without me going first to psychiatrist and i said that I feel depressed, i didn't say actual problem that I had in that time (it was different problem than this one and i still didn't solve it but it's currently not bothering me for some reason)
     
  4. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Btw thanks for your answer.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I don't want to say on the open forum for privacy reasons here but trust me when I say I DO understand, more than you think. Thank you for taking the time to read the rules, that's appreciated, Are you currently still on xanax? I was for years now in the process of coming off valium. I really am glad you found us rather than a site to help kill you because these issues can be sorted if not physically then mentally, see a counsellor and work through your current issues, that's what they are there for and I am sure they would be only glad to help.
     
  6. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Exit bags dont always work, its not as surefire as some make it out to be. And if it goes wrong, you can be left with severe brain damage and other health problems. So please, stop and think very hard about your ideations using a exit bag. The fact that you are seeking validation for your plans shows you are not sure in your own mind what is the right course of action just now. So, you are not ready to take your own life because you are filled with doubts. Thats a good thing that you are questioning your own reasoning.

    Personally, I dont think my voice being online anywhere would make me feel suicidal. If someone was to recognise my voice, what can they do with that information? I dont use social media, so if anyone posted anything about me online I would not be aware of it. So please try to explain why this is such an issue for you.

    Talking about yor problems with a health professional is confidential, so whatever you talk to them about would not be revealed to anyone else. But they can help you properly, its what they are trained to do. They might offer you some medication to help you balance your mood which is also a vital part of therapy. I honestly think you can get past this and move on with your life, but only if you get the help you need.
     
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is really too bad when our own fears allow us to not get the help we need to have a normal happy life. In the end, it is far easier to talk to somebody then to bear the pain of a miserable existence day after day after day, and making changes to our lives when it really sucks is far easier than being in pain every day if the pain is bad enough to want to actually die.

    Clearly there are issues you need help with, and you managed to see a dr for the purpose of getting a specific drug you wanted- actually talking and getting the right meds and the right help would do a whole lot more good and would be a very good step towards ending what you want to end- the pain that is making you feel like this.
     
  8. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    I think this recent issues is perhaps the tip of the proverbial ice berg for you. It sounds like there is far deeper stuff going on there that's contributing to your thoughts of suicide. Sometimes when so much has been happening for such a long time it's difficult to remember what made you feel that way in the first place. Counselling is a good way to find your answer if you can persevere with yourself. Counselling lets you dig around in your own thoughts and play with ideas with someone there by your side as a safety net. Please don't make any quick decisions about ending your life and take a step back from what's happening right now. Always look for the root of the problem first. Allow yourself time to do that.

    The online world can be scary and intrusive. I don't use only social media at all and only chat here because it's my life line and I want to give a little back. Sometimes taking yourself away from the online world allows breathing space. Especially places where your image and personal space is made public. Keep chatting to us, there's a wealth of experience here xx
     
  9. Spn1234

    Spn1234 Member

    I was afraid to go to a therapist at first too. It was really hard for me to talk about my problems because I felt like they would judge me and think I was stupid. But then when I opened up and realized they were not judging me at all, it really began to help. You don't have to be afraid to go, I promise. I wish I would've started therapy a long time ago honestly. (I just started going in March.)
     
    moxman likes this.
  10. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Your answers helped a bit because i never actually talked to someone about my problems and my thoughts. Thank you all.
    I had many reasons to kill myself in last 9 years... All these reasons hurt me so much so I can't even talk about them.
     
  11. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Well thank you. i'm glad that you understand me, yes i'm still on xanax.
     
  12. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    I finally remember whats my real problem. I'm obsessed with others peoples opinions about me. I'm obsessed what other people think about me, what other people talk about me and i'm afraid of being judged or laugh at.
    I'm basically hiding from people for last 5 years. I can talk to strangers that i won't see ever again but talk to someone that i'll have to see every day (for example new work collegue) i'm kinda scared to talk to in person and i'm not sure what to say. I just think that everyone is evil and that everyone is trying to trick me, use me or make fun of me.... Btw i just took 2 xanax pills and i feel better and i'm so happy that you guys gave me some motivation in my endless pain. I feel like a pussy for a man...
     
  13. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hey there, NoIdea...I'm sorry you are in such distress! I expect it is quite unpleasant.

    Sometimes it's normal to wonder/think about what others think/say about us. I guess if that wondering becomes fear and worrying, then it's taken over. I suspect someone important to you once made you feel really badly and perhaps insecure about what people think of you. If the person who did that was say a parent or other loved one, I think the hurt could last a long time. The good news in all this is that 99.9% of the rest of the world is very busy wondering about themselves and how they will get by. Most people have very little time to worry too much about other people.

    The best we can do is to try our best in what we do in life - whether it's school, hobbies, work, friends, relationships, family. If we do the best we can, we are doing all that we can, and if people decide to talk about us, they really don't have a real basis to say anything.

    It seems to me that you probably have a lot to offer the world, but unfortunately, you're hiding it. It's unfortunate, because sharing ourselves with others - even if we're quiet and kind of shy - is a great way to feel better about ourselves. One technique I have used with people I am just getting to know, is to ask about them and their interests. It shows them I'm interested and lets me find out enough about them to know how they "really" are. Eventually, I find that most people have an interest/experience of some kind that I can relate to, and it gets easier from then on with them.

    Not everyone is out to hurt you. Some might be. That is a risk we take when we let others in - they might use us or abuse our good nature. The risk of not trying is being left scared and alone a lot of the time. I am so glad you reached out her on the forum! That is a major step! I hope you will continue to share with us. Maybe you could tell us a bit about your interests and hobbies? *hug* I hope to hear from you here soon. :)
     
  14. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Thank you very much for your support. I just woke up and i'm still stressed about a fu*king video. I reported it many times but Yt did nothing since there is no my image or my real name . Yes i know that i'm boring but that thing is just killing me for months just like in last 2 years some other problem was killing me inside. And i think that even physically people started noticing that there is something wrong with me.
    But i currently see this video as a biggest problem.
    Every time when i want to start living, workout or going out... i remember that I have something that makes me inferior so i just give up.
     
  15. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Not everyone is there to hurt me I agree but all my "friends" except few of them were always looking for my weak spots to hurt me. That basically made me isolated in last 5 years.
     
  16. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Yes, unfortunately, NoIdea, there are some people who look for others' vulnerable spots. I can understand how being hurt could have held you back. I found that meeting new groups of people and getting to know them "slowly" worked for me. I had to observe for a while to see which folks were nice and which ones were users/nasty before I put a lot of myself out there with them. It's a fine line, isn't it, knowing how much to say, who to trust?

    I'm sorry about the video you mentioned. If it harms your reputation and was taken without your knowledge and then posted, perhaps the local police could help you get Youtube to take it down?

    At any rate, video aside, I hope you can find a way to meet kind people that works for you. It's hard to be isolated. I'm glad you're here reaching out. *hug*
     
  17. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Could you tell us how to find the video? Then we would see it, understand what is making it so famous, and have a more factual basis with which to reassure you. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Also, you can make several other videos with the exact same title, and then people who look it up (who is promoting it so brilliantly that you have 18 thousand views? Usually that takes a lot of hard work, and knowledgeable promotion and adverts. Is someone doing that, and if not, how did it get so many views? What's the topic? Why is it so strangely famous with no one in it? Seems not to make sense, a video with no one in it, getting 18 thousand views. Makes no sense, but it would if you could explain it. But as I said if you can post, say, ,10 other videos with the same name, all those thousands of people who are somehow being drawn like mad to this mysterious video with no one in it, those people will then be foiled. They'll look up the title and instead of your video they will be landing on the other videos of the same name, and not finding yours. That is one of the things about youtube. Isn't that a relief? A good way to steer the crowds away from what must be a really compelling video to be so famous! So may we look at the video and have a better idea what you are so upset about? What is the topic? Who is promoting it to get such a huge number of viewers, and what is it about? What happens in this compelling video? Why is it so famous? That's a huge fact, perhaps it's the whole key, and knowing that, then surely we could help you with getting the fame to stop. So sorry for your anguish. Stay with us. WE CARE! Hugs.
     
  18. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    PS If it breaks any rules for us to go look at the video and see for ourselves why it is so famous, then ignore that request. But I'm sure it would be okay to answer the other questions. That kind of information would REALLY help us comfort you and understand what is going on with this video. Obviously, it's about something that's really trending, and trends do end, but if you're pretty sure it's going up to 100 thousand views, WOW, that's a major video! I mean, really, then that is a FAMOUS VIDEO. So why? What is it? What happens in it? What is the topic. Most of all: Who is promoting it so hard? It's so mysterious! Blessings!
     
  19. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Title itself is promoting it because it relates to lot of videos with the same topic. User that posted it seems inactive for 2 years. Video is related to many other videos. I'm not really into making videos with the same name because i'm not sure that would fix anything, it would just made it more popular but anyway thanks for your advice.