Is it ok?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by secluded snake, Sep 15, 2006.

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  1. secluded snake

    secluded snake New Member

    The life I want

    Hey everyone.

    First off, im 18 and i have severe social phobia. I almost have no friends because of it, but the weird thing is, I don't care. I never get bored even though I don't go anywhere because I have plenty stuff that interests me at home. The thing that makes me suicidal is because I fear my future. Its an outgoing world and I just don't know how I am going to make it as far as making money for myself.

    I came very close to killing myself tonight. I mean, I bought the rope, got a haircut, bought a fresh tee shirt to kill myself in, and I wrote the note to my family. I was going to go in the woods behind my house to hang myself. I knew if I made a date to do it, then it probably would not get done, so I decided to do it that night while I was in a suicidal mood. The thing that saved me is I started to think about a life living in my own apartment (I still live with my family) with a ps3, a computer with internet, a tv, all the essentials for my entertainment. And me living alone, by myself, playing ps3online, chatting on forums, watching movies, just stuff I like to do. With that kind of life and a computer job that I can do at home, I will be the definition of happy.

    My question to you guys is do you think it is ok? I mean, when I tell my parents about it, they think I'm just running away from my problem (socialphobia), but I don't think I am. Sure, I probably wouldn't be like this if I didn't have it, but this is who I am now__ someone who likes staying home instead of going out. It's my life and if I want to live that way and I'm happy, then that's ok, right? The feeling I get when all my brothers and sisters are out somewhere and it's just me at the house, I can't describe it but I like it. And even if I do get extremely lonely in my apartment, it's not like I can't go out for one night. So what do you guys think? I know it's not the average life, but I'm not the average person. And my life is mine to live, right?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2006
  2. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    Sweetie that is perfectly alright. If that's what you envision as happy GO FOR IT
    Others may be unhappy that way so they don't think anyone else would either. Maybe they also think eventually you will want to be in the world outside, yearn for it, possibly slip back into depression. Take small steps. If that's how you want to live go for it so long as you're *LIVING*
    If, eventually, you wind up wanting more, take small steps to achieve that. If living inside your own world as you see fit suits you, do that for now and do it until you need and want a change.
    I wouldn't suggest exlcuded yourself from your family or friends you have, but you shouldn't let anyone force you where you don't want to be.
    It is a true blessing that you felt on the edge of things and found something to bring you back. I don't know you but am sincerely glad you are here.
    Live your own life - no one else's.
  3. Jenova

    Jenova Well-Known Member

    Do you have social phobia or are you just content on your own? If it's as simple as just being anti social I don't really see the problem. I know a few people who hermit and they seem fine. On the other had I have social phobia and if I don't go out and live, I get to the point where the thought of going out is stressful and I can't bare to leave the house. If you have a social phobia then it may not be best to keep yourself alone all the time. As long as you have a grip on yourself and feel good about life I don't really see a problem. I think it's great that you don't get bored on your own.

  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ahhh another social phobia person. I have a similar problem, I am scared of socializing. The main difference is that at a very young age my dad forced me too... literally he would take me out to a socail gathering and just leave me, so I just got really good at faking every thing. My mom knows of my fear of socializing and accepts it but complains about it constantly.

    I am suicidal because I also have paranioa. I am scared of pretty much everyone. Accept on the net, I am safe on the net. As a result I have never come to trust anyone, for a while. Now while I don't feel I have to be surrounded but I would like one person there someone who I could trust and love... that sort of thing.... but alas no one ever really could love me.

    So just keep your goals in mind and you will probably keep living. I have found that people in this world are too brainwashed to think that you need 1000 friends and to be constantly surrounded by people. So when someone chooses alone time over other people it is scarey.... so one way I look at life is you look at your goals in life. And keep completeing goals in life and once you are done with those goals your life is complete.... I don't know I am still teetering on the edge of <suicidal plans> so I don't think my advice is any good... I mean I followed it all my life and look at where I am...
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Hey hey, here's another guy thats got social anxieity/phobia, anti-social, whatever.

    I too am quite content right now being alone, no friends at all, just being at home playing videogames, watching TV, hanging with my brother, etc. But yeah, I'm worried like you about my future, that an antisocial person like me isn't cut out for the world, that I don't belong here and should be dead instead. Thats one main reason why I am suicidal like you and Forgotten_Man I suppose.

    At least we're not alone huh? :smile:

    I'm happy being at home and keeping myself occupied, I never get depressed with having no friends, I only get depressed when everyone else I know has friends, girlfriends, etc. and I'm the only one not to.

    I used to have friends long back, I think maybe all the moving I did in my childhood made me stop making friends and become more withdrawn? At least thats partially the cause.

    I'm now starting to think that yeah, be yourself, I don't think it would help at all to become someone you are not, you would never be happy that way, I'm slowly starting to feel that way, just, screw it, I'm happy the way I am, even if everyone else in college and around me has dozens of friends, whatever, screw it. I dunno if its the right way to think exactly, but I can't envision myself being social, going to parties and all that.

    Its funny that everyone says "Be yourself", but yet there's so much peer and social pressure for you to change your solitary ways and change your lifestyle and all that. Like for me, everyone would tell me to change, get out and make some friends because I'm living a completely messed up life.

    I think social anxiety is when your like afraid to go out in public right? I have absolutely no problem going out of the house, chatting with strangers, etc. I just can't make friends, have a deeper relationship because I'm inferior to everyone and just boring and all that. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, thats why I want to find out.

    Bah, all so confusing. I hope you see you around here more.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2006
  6. Forget It

    Forget It Member

    Re: The life I want

    I've posed similar questions to myself and I say it's acceptable. If you're not interested in people, there is no need to force yourself to be with people.
  7. secluded snake

    secluded snake New Member

    Thanks, everyone for the replies. You've made me feel a lot better. :laugh:
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