The life I want Hey everyone. First off, im 18 and i have severe social phobia. I almost have no friends because of it, but the weird thing is, I don't care. I never get bored even though I don't go anywhere because I have plenty stuff that interests me at home. The thing that makes me suicidal is because I fear my future. Its an outgoing world and I just don't know how I am going to make it as far as making money for myself. I came very close to killing myself tonight. I mean, I bought the rope, got a haircut, bought a fresh tee shirt to kill myself in, and I wrote the note to my family. I was going to go in the woods behind my house to hang myself. I knew if I made a date to do it, then it probably would not get done, so I decided to do it that night while I was in a suicidal mood. The thing that saved me is I started to think about a life living in my own apartment (I still live with my family) with a ps3, a computer with internet, a tv, all the essentials for my entertainment. And me living alone, by myself, playing ps3online, chatting on forums, watching movies, just stuff I like to do. With that kind of life and a computer job that I can do at home, I will be the definition of happy. My question to you guys is do you think it is ok? I mean, when I tell my parents about it, they think I'm just running away from my problem (socialphobia), but I don't think I am. Sure, I probably wouldn't be like this if I didn't have it, but this is who I am now__ someone who likes staying home instead of going out. It's my life and if I want to live that way and I'm happy, then that's ok, right? The feeling I get when all my brothers and sisters are out somewhere and it's just me at the house, I can't describe it but I like it. And even if I do get extremely lonely in my apartment, it's not like I can't go out for one night. So what do you guys think? I know it's not the average life, but I'm not the average person. And my life is mine to live, right?