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Ideas & Opinions Is it okay to wish that you were never born?

#1
Suicidal thoughts, for me, often arise as as a manifestation of a weird, undirected anger which is quickly transformed into self-directed anger, manifesting in a thought like "I want to die." This thought, given enough despair and self-loathing and helplessness, can result in plan and intent, all the stuff that gets flagged as a crisis.

I'm wondering if "I wish that I was never born" is a better thought to direct that self-directed anger towards, since you can't exactly make a "not have been born" attempt. Would it be worth it to make an active effort of changing "I want to die" thoughts into "I wish that I was never born" thoughts as a form of harm reduction? I need something to try to grasp at when I'm overwhelmed by feelings of totalizing self-hatred and everything, even most of the "skills" I've been taught, whether or not they would be helpful, become totally meaningless.
 

the.end.ish

Misknown Member
#2
Do you think it is helpful for you to deal with your anger and suicide ideation? I mean, no one can stop you from making this adjustment so it's okay as it can be. But I think the real question is, does it feel like a step for you? Does it feel less negative or less absolute for you? Sometimes turning an idea on its head has helped me work through issues, even if they weren't necessarily positive.

I suppose you can only try it and see how it makes you feel. I had somewhat assumed you had already tried it. If so, how did it turn out?

If it does help, then it's worth it. For myself, it wouldn't be because I think it would still feel self loathing and therefore overwhelming.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#3
Suicidal thoughts, for me, often arise as as a manifestation of a weird, undirected anger which is quickly transformed into self-directed anger, manifesting in a thought like "I want to die." This thought, given enough despair and self-loathing and helplessness, can result in plan and intent, all the stuff that gets flagged as a crisis.

I'm wondering if "I wish that I was never born" is a better thought to direct that self-directed anger towards, since you can't exactly make a "not have been born" attempt. Would it be worth it to make an active effort of changing "I want to die" thoughts into "I wish that I was never born" thoughts as a form of harm reduction? I need something to try to grasp at when I'm overwhelmed by feelings of totalizing self-hatred and everything, even most of the "skills" I've been taught, whether or not they would be helpful, become totally meaningless.
The thought of wishing you'd never been born still keeps you in a state of self-loathing. Such a thought invalidates your entire existence and, given that you were born, might lead to even more despair.

You may have thought about this already, but where you say the thoughts begin as "undirected anger", do you always then direct it towards yourself? I know it's frustrating when we can't get a handle on our own thoughts and impulses. The fact that you're trying to find some alternative way of thinking in an effort to help yourself shows you're still fighting and trying to get yourself on steadier ground. Do you find some days are better than others?
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#4
You're thinking about this exactly right. Suicidal thoughts are a negative narrative that have taken over a person's entire thought process. Introducing a new narrative is the key and essential way to counter it and change how one thinks and ultimately, behaves. If changing the internal dialogue to 'I wish I was never born' helps you climb one or two steps up from rock bottom, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, couldn't be more okay.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#5
Depends on the definition of "ok". I think it's ok, and I think most people on this forum think that it's ok. Meaning that we would not believe that it would be in our genetic interests to reduce your chance of surviving and reproducing.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#6
I think it depends on the person. See if your idea helps, and if not, try to think of some other thing to think. Or, try to think that thought in a way that does not involve self-hatred. If you are able to replace 'i want to die' with 'i wish i was never born', you might later be able to stop thinking that, since as others mentioned you wish you weren't born all you want but you can't change the fact that you were, which is in the past.
 

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