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#1
Is it okay to wanting to sleep forever?
Is it selfish?
Is it okay to leave everything in this life just like this?
Is it okay to left my parents and siblings like this?
Will my family and my best friends disappointed and sad when they find me asleep later?

I kept asking myself that whenever i almost do it, and i broke into tears in the end.

I tried to do it, and everytime i tried, those thoughts keep me from doing it. I don't know if i really don't give up yet, or it's just me being a coward.

I always thought that there's no need for me to be here. I see no importance for me to be exist so why did i born? So that i could be an example of unwanted people? I kept asking myself and to the god up there.

Then it hit me, why i thought about them? Why it's not okay to be selfish? They don't need me so why i should think about them? why shoud they cry and disappointed of me?

Everytime i thought about that, something inside me is eating me alive. It's painful and suffocating. I also feel so empty and cold after that. It really scares me sometimes. But i hope whatever that is, could really end me someday.

I'm sorry if this is very negative and dark, but, those are my thoughts right now.
 

ThePhantomLady

Safety and Support
SF Supporter
#2
It is okay to be selfish yes, but I think you should be selfish in the way that you get yourself the help you need. Maybe your family would love to help you if they found out what pain you are in?
Are you in school? Could you go to a counselor there and get some help?

Or better yet, if you have concrete plans I urge you to get yourself to a hospital and get help. Life can be worth living if you let yourself be helped.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#3
It is okay to be selfish to a certain degree. Maybe you should be selfish and get the help you deserve? Thinking about your family and friends when wanting to commit suicide is your soul's way of telling you that there IS something that you would miss in this world. What you want to do by ending it all is to end your emotional pain and distress. I think therapy would be a good idea. And although opening up to others is hard, I find that most people are more understanding than you think/expect. Good luck with everything and please be safe!
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Falling asleep like rip van wrinkle or just getting enough rest to be able to tackle life is one thing you are entiled to be selfish about. We all need our rest some of us need it longer than others to heal our bodies and mind. Take a break and see how much better you feel after a rest. Even for 20 minutes out of a crazy chaotic day helps.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
You're entitled to have your thoughts, may I ask what has happened to bring you to this point in your life? As said above, be selfish and seek help for yourself. Keep talking to us here hun, we truly understand.
 
#6
It is okay to be selfish yes, but I think you should be selfish in the way that you get yourself the help you need. Maybe your family would love to help you if they found out what pain you are in?
Are you in school? Could you go to a counselor there and get some help?

Or better yet, if you have concrete plans I urge you to get yourself to a hospital and get help. Life can be worth living if you let yourself be helped.
I'm sorry, but i have trust issues towards people right now... i'm scared to trust anymore, even professionals. It's stupid right? A 20 yo college student scared of people, of trusting people, of being betrayed, of being rejected.

I think i really had enough of my life. Besides, I really just need to fulfill one more promise and i think i've live a good life.
Thankyou for everyone's support :)
 
#7
I know exactly how you feel. I have the exact same thoughts.
And it's incredibly exhausting indeed to have them so often.
All I can say is that the suffering seems endless, but it isn't. I know that's hard to believe. But trust me it will get better at some point. And it's ok to be selfish, but selfish in a way that you can do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Talk to people, look for help, treat yourself to something nice... And also keep in mind that those thoughts are just thoughts. Probably not even close to the reality. You are NOT unwanted, believe me :)
 

Tiger

Well-Known Member
#8
Hey I understand where you're coming from. I'm still not convinced there is a reason we exist or why we are born. I often think that I could easily have not been born and this makes me wonder if it matters if I leave. However. as soon as we are born we mean something. Maybe not something to the world as a whole but to the people around us. Whether or not we like living and whether or not the people around us appreciate us, we impact everything. I know this sounds weird but a while ago I was in school and I'd tried to commit suicide that night before. I was alive, however, and walking around and thinking that if I wasn't there, the footsteps of everyone wouldn't be the same. Somebody wouldn't have gotten to class late because they had one more person in front of them, somebody wouldn't have had a pen because the person sitting next to them, me, would not have been there to lend them one. You may not feel important but you as a person make an impact. And if you choose to kill yourself then that impact will carry on in a different way. I think this is called the butterfly effect?

I know you've mentioned trust issues but if you realise that once you're dead that is irrelevant, do you think you'd be able to reach out? If you consider that once you die you will become indifferent then emotions don't seem so troubling. Your family and friends would be devastated if you left without reaching out, at least if you try to talk to somebody they would understand. I imagine it would be easier to accept suicide from a person struggling than someone who everybody thought was okay.

-Tiger
 

bobbob

SF Supporter
#9
I'm sorry, but i have trust issues towards people right now... i'm scared to trust anymore, even professionals. It's stupid right? A 20 yo college student scared of people, of trusting people, of being betrayed, of being rejected.

I think i really had enough of my life. Besides, I really just need to fulfill one more promise and i think i've live a good life.
Thankyou for everyone's support :)
If you say you have "lived a good life", and u are only 20, then think what a brilliant life you will have lived by the time u get to old age. U are going through tough times now but things will get better I'm sure. Get help if can and be kind to yourself.
 
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