Is it possible for marriage to drive you to suicide?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by twiste, Oct 18, 2010.

  1. twiste

    twiste New Member

    Hi, I'm new here so sorry if this is in the wrong place. I grew up in a very chaotic family, got married at 24 and had 3 kids very quickly. My husband is a great guy, kind, sweet, has put up with my depression and mood swings for 12 years.

    The only problem is, I think he's the cause of my issues. I feel trapped and unhappy in my marriage. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years so I have no money, connections, or resources. If I left, I could never make enough money to support my kids and I don't want them to grow up in a fractured family like I did. I spend part of almost every day thinking of ways to die because I can't live for 50 more years like this. I fantasize about my husband dying or about dying myself, and the only reason I can't do it is because someone has to pick the kids up every afternoon and take them to sports and activities. My husband keeps telling me he loves me no matter what, and it just makes me feel angry and used -- because if I don't love him back, what good is it to tell me that? I feel like he just wants me around for his own selfish reasons.

    I've tried different therapists and several kinds of medicine (only one that did anything was klonopin, but it stopped working) and I'm pretty much done exploring that route. Now we're in couples therapy but it's definitely making me feel worse, because the therapist has latched on to all of my family dysfunction and seems to think I'm the cause of all the problems here. I just want an escape, and I think death is the only way out.
  2. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Well, how about looking at it from a different point of view.

    Imagine you have no kids, no responsibilities, no husband. How would you invision your life? Would you be traveling? In school? Working? Releaxing? Looking for love? Exploreing?

    I would suggest, instead of focusing on the negative, focus on what makes you happy, and what will make you happy. And go for it.

    Minus ofcourse hurting someone lol :) Dream a bit. find a moment when the kids are out and your husband is out, sit down with a cuppa tea and just imagine what you could be doing in that moment. And if you find something, perhaps that's the beginning of you making your life the way you want it. All you would have to do then is walk it on your own two feet, and achieve it with your own actions and thoughts :)
  3. twiste

    twiste New Member

    I've tried that, I have hobbies and friends and I regularly make plans and try to continue my life. It's just becoming harder and harder to get any real pleasure out of that. I could get a job, but I'm the primary caretaker for the kids (husband works a lot) and that won't change so I don't know how to find a job that will fit my schedule.

    I don't want to think of my ideal life because I can't have it, and I was taught that it's not productive to worry about things you can't have. I have a pretty good idea in my head of what I like and don't like, but I can't make my life fit that without destroying my family. Basically, I like my life only when my husband is not involved. He seems like a great person to everyone, even to me, but something in the back of my brain just sees him as loathsome.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi twiste.....the answer to your question is YES....
    I can relate to so much in your posts...I'm sorry you're going through this..

    I too had an unhappy marriage and got to the point of suicide...
    I was thinking that if I didn't get out of the marriage then I'd go out in a box.
    So I thought what have I got to lose and left the marriage....
    I won't lie and say it was easy...It wasn't....that was 16 years ago now .
    I can't advise you what to do has to come from your heart and only you know if and when you're ready if you decide to leave..

    I believe though it's better to be alive and your children need you.

    regarding the couples therapist....can you change to another if you don't feel comfortable with this one?
    I hope you don't hurt have a right to a happy life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2010
  5. James888

    James888 Member

    I agree with the poster above. Any option is better than suicide. You have a duty to your family to live.