Is it possible to NEVER get over an old love?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shogun, Sep 7, 2008.

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  1. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    Closing in on 9 years and counting.....

    I think I'll die of a broken heart before I commit suicide.....
     
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I am sorry :hug:

    Something that helped me to get over an ex was when I asked myself what she gave me that I could not give myself. Eventually you can see that it's possible to give yourself all the things they gave you :hug:
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You can learn to live with it. I divorced my ex about 20 years ago and to this day I still have feelings for her because she is my daughters mother!!She ripped me off and she cheated on me and i still feal for her. I have a screwed up trac record with women, everyone I have been with eventually cheated on me. I was told I was boring because I worked all the time and when I was off from work I wanted to sit around home and have a few drinks to relax. My last one I was engaged to got me for $18,000, and cheated on me. She didn't make three months worth of truck payments. So I lost it..Yes you can get past this, you might have to set your feelings aside for a while and find something to occupy you thoughts.Eventually you will have to deal with your feelings, a good therapist can help!! Take Care...:chopper:...
     
  4. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    How attached are you to the familiarity of the pain? Strange question I'm sure. :smile: See, in psychology, we often speak of the payoff of various neuroses.

    Holding onto grief tells me there is some attachment, something you'll lose by choosing a path that will you lead to recovery. As "Dr. Phil" might ask you, "so how's that working for you?"

    Maybe it is the close memory you have of her. Could be a myriad of reasons why you won't get therapy, seek help, take bold steps to let go of that stage of your life.

    John
     
  5. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I know this is easier said that felt but...
    Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
     
  6. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    i think you never really stop loving people, unless you never really loved them at all. you may learn that that person isnt really a good influence in your life, or that you could both be happier without eachother, but if you loved them i think you always will. my ex and i parted ways because we learned we could be much happier without eachother, but it didnt mean i stopped loving him, the love just changed form after time. now he's like a long-time very close friend that i just dont ever talk to or see, but when i think about him or hear something about him, its with that feeling in my heart. i wish him well and hope all is good, fondly remember the good times and dont dwell on the bad, but i dont think he will ever lose a place in my heart. the key for me was to really evaluate my feelings, get past the longing for the familiarity of him, rationalize away the idealization that absense brought, and see the reality that he is indeed a good man, but we were a poor match for eachother. its a tough struggle and takes alot of clearheaded introspection, but it is possible to change the form of the love. i think the problem alot of people have is that they try to make it go away and forget. thats not really possible, nor do i think its very healthy.
     
  7. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    >>>As "Dr. Phil" might ask you, "so how's that working for you?" <<<

    excuse me but, I'd like to strap Dr. "PHIL" to a chair and spread
    beandip on his ugly mug with a drywall knife. useless plonker.
     
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Did it end in a particularly bad way Shogun?
    My marriage ended in a way that no matter what I can't seem to get past it.
    I miss us not him, if you know what I mean; but the hurt he caused is what stays and haunts me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2008
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    How did it end shogun? Maybe you would benefit from counseling to help you get over the past :hug:
     
  10. ZundertowZ

    ZundertowZ Well-Known Member

    this is excactly how i feel, i got out of a ten yr relationship six months ago and this post scares the hell out of me! i just wanna forget it ever happened! as far as "it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" our whatever...i think thats bullshit! in certain cases a person can come into your life and destroy it! anyway i hope you feel better!
     
  11. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    LOL, i hears ya. He's doing something right. No hair, lots of mulah, and Oprahs lapdog. He's is good shape, like it or hate, him I'd say.
     
  12. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    You know, I heartily disagree with that old saw. Some of the worst pain I have felt in my LIFE has come from loves gone wrong. Depending upon your disposition and personality, a deep love lost can truly fuck you good. Long. And hard.

    -JOHN-
     
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey clam dip! If you have nothing positive to say then why don't you take it elsewhere!!! I seem to remember giving you that advice before. These others come here for advice and support not to be belittled by you!!!:chopper:!!!
     
  14. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    woah woah woah... lets just calm down a bit. everyone here is struggling and trying to get by in any way we can. negativity can be dangerous, i think that's all stranger was trying to say, if a little less then eloquently. i dont know you or what it is you deal with in your life, what story your scars tell and so i dont seek to judge you with this, but i do think you need to take a step back and relax a little.

    i have family members with anger management problems and i struggle with episodes of rage myself from time to time so i say this with no malice. this isnt a place to pick fights. no one here is trying to flame anyone, only trying to get help from people who may understand. its a cold hard world out there, this place should be a sanctuary from that.

    please try to keep an open mind and see through the red. we just want to help eachother. i know your posts had that same intention, stranger (and possibly others) just felt your advice was a bit too negative and may do more harm then good.

    we all want a brighter tomarrow, want hope for a happier life. for most of us it feels impossible, but we strive for it and are looking for help finding it. turning off our hearts, going cold, and getting angry at the world won't nessisarily help us to that goal.
     
  15. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    >>if a little less then eloquently<<<

    more like a mud eating cyclops? ok, gotcha. thank so much
     
  16. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    She just ended it. I was a very immature 19 year old and she was a very educated, upper classed 27 year old and she was only with me because of the way I looked. I didn't treat her well at all.

    The strange thing that I can't quite get over is how can you go from a nearly 2 year relationship to ending all contact and not even attempting to get back in touch? I know she's moved on, but how can you cut off all contact whatsoever with somebody you shared two years of your life with? I don't get how somebody could be that cold.

    It wouldn't be hard to contact me, I have a Facebook account under my real name and I haven't ever changed my mobile (cell) number in 9 years in a desperate hope that she'll call me someday. :(
     
  17. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    for some people, in some situations, cutting all ties is the only way possible. too many memories, too little resolve, whatever the reasons. it doesnt nessisarily mean she never thinks about you, maybe she even misses you, maybe it hurts for her too. but its possible she did what she felt she had to do. sometimes a clean break is the only way.

    im the kind of person who cant keep contact with my exs. for me its too dangerous. poor impulse control and warped thinking can lead me into the arms of an ex if i had access to them. if there was good reason for me to not be with them now, then i need to keep my distance to ensure i dont repeat my mistakes and saddle myself with more regret, and possibly destroy a current relationship in the process.

    maybe these things dont apply to her, maybe she has no reason, or 'shallower' ones, but it may do your heart some good to think that she may struggle with this from time to time too. if you held a place in her heart once, its likely at least a small part of it still remembers you and her distance carries its reasons.
     
  18. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    ten years of marriage and he hasnt spoken to me since the split ..people can be very cold and down right cruel.
     
  19. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    I AM very sorry to hear that. but only because it seems to make you
    unhappy. if he's a plonker, aren't you really better off? and that way,
    you wouldn't be unhappy, and I would not be sad. not to mention
    on restricted duty, WITH pay :) uh...until further notice. do you really
    miss the guy? how come?
     
  20. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    the swishy stranger got in my face. NOT the other way around.
    save your advice about "anger management" for someone who cares
    even a little bitty bit. that group does not include me.
     
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