Is it really true?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by netsirk, Jun 12, 2008.

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  1. netsirk

    netsirk Active Member

    I have self harmed for years now. I have been in a program that includes medication and counseling and support groups. I was talking to a non cutter friend I have and she said that a person who self harms is alwys a self harmer. Just like an alcholoc is always an alcholic.

    Is that true? Is there no help for me then? Is all that I am doing now worth it then?
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have never self harmed but I don't believe any statement that claims once this, then always that. There is always a choice for change. Always always always!
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Well, I guess even if you don't still cut, it's probably going to be in your mind, regardless. Same way with alcoholics, even if they haven't had a drink in 15 years, if something bad happens, they would probably want to have a drink. You don't HAVE to cut, even when something bad happens, you just need to find a better coping mechanism, and then you won't feel the need to cut anymore. Sorry if none of that makes sense, but basically, you'd be a former cutter, that's just my two cents anyway. Hope you find the help you need soon. :)
  4. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    Change is possible. We can get through bad times without cutting, if there are other coping strategies to replace the cuttting. The thoughts may likely come up as that is what you are used to but you can control your actions. It may be hard to begin with, in time it gets easier. Nothing is set in stones for the rest of our days.
  5. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    It will be worth it, if you believe there are other ways to cope with the pain, hurt and struggle. why will it be worth it? because it is a sign you care and respect your body and you are worthy person who doesn't need to suffer the additional harm (physically pain and/or scaring and/or future prejudice) deal with what goes inside and outside of you. It is going to be no easy task, I am trying break the habit myself. There is hope and change is not impossible. warm wishes, oceans
  6. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    I suppose it deoends what way you look at it.
    Yes, in the fact that it will probably always be in the back of your mind when something doesn't go your way
    No, in the fact that it is your choice whether to use that coping strategy, or work to improve others, such as exercise, writing etc. Just because you think about it doesn't mean that you have to act on it. It IS possible to stop, and stop for good. So don't give up on yourself.
    Take care
  7. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    I think for some people that's true (one, then always), but I believe that for many of them, they only say it as a kind of excuse. I'm not trying to be inflammatory, and I know that for some people you always are, but I'm just saying that you always have a choice. If you can leave it alone with no relapses (which is hard to do, I know) for long enough that other mechanisms replace it, I believe that you can leave it behind forever.

    And just because you think about it after you're done doesn't mean you still are what you were. Even the faint compulsion you feel won't. The only way that statement is true is if you fall into a relapse.
  8. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    At the end of the day it's just a label. Self harmer, non-self harmer, alcoholic, non-alcoholic, smoker/non-smoker etc it's just a word, a term, phrase... ultimately, it doesn't matter. Just be proud of yourself for being able to stop yourself from falling into self harm. It may be better to think of it as getting past self harm. Moving on from it. It can be hard but it is possible to move on from self harm. Surely it's worth it. :hug:
  9. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    I think I understand what they mean.

    Alcoholics are always going to be alcoholics- this doesn't mean they will always drink, many sober up and never drink again. I think your friend believes that there will always be the temtation for self harming (like alcohol). This is not to say you will always self harm or that there is no hope- I just think they are thinking you ill always remember and at times continue to struggle.

    Just keep moving forward, and don't let labels make you feel like it isn't possible.
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