I mean is it really? Obviously I can't know what anyone else is feeling but I've been down that road a few times but I've always come to the same conclusion... I want to know what happens next. I've been struggling with my feelings for a rough 20 years now and I know things aren't going to get better, I accept that I'm not ever going to be what I want. My daily life is on a constant decline and has been for a long time. Still right now I don't think I would choose suicide, no matter what would happen. Even though things are very bad I know they could be a lot worse, still I can't consider the possibility. Sometimes it feels like I want to die (or at the very least that I wouldn't care if I did) but that's always a passing feeling, no matter how bad it may seem. Why choose death when you can first try to numb your demons with alcohol and/or drugs? Really? It's not recommended of course but certainly it is better than death? Right now I'm realizing that certain substances can be a good and viable option to death when things get out of hand. I think society is way too judgemental towards mind-altering substances. Sure you will get a hangover but tell me what psychological medicine doesn't have side effects?