is it really worth the wait?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by visions of the past, Sep 16, 2009.

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  1. How I have felt over the past three months:
    Three months ago is when my depression began. I recognized it and did nothing about it. To give some background, I have had problems with stealing for quite some time. Stealing pills from my parents. Stealing money from my parents. Money usually used to get drugs. I have such an immense feeling of guilt and shame that I can barely stand to be in the same room as them for fear of breaking down and telling them. I have isolated myself in my room for the past three months. Leaving occasionally to go hang out with some friends, thinking that it will uplift my spirits, which it did not. Now the fall semester has started up at school and I do not even feel as though I am there. As though I am not in the room. Words are said that are not comprehended. I know that they are talking about me. The tone in their voices, the looks I get, the sneering, condescending looks. The jokes, their laughing. It sickens me. As though they know the right things to say that make me want to off myself even more. It is as though they are waiting for me to snap. I can find no one that will listen. I can think of no one that will listen. They all seem to think I am crazy. I stumbled on this forum, and thought, hopefully I can find some understanding, some compassion...anything. I just do not know anymore.
  2. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Isolation and loneliness is hard. Im at the stage of getting used to it. But Ive found it not bad because I can learn more about myself, and actually find the real me and the things I enjoy doing. It gets lonely at times but self pity is pointless. Just stay strong, remember that you won't need any of them but also try to understand what you're looking for. A friend? they are hard to come by but you have to be willing to be a friend to make a friend.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. I hope you can find what you are looking for here. Yes, you will find compassion and understanding here.

    Speaking from experience, I hope that you can come clean with your parents. I went through the exact same situation and altough it took time for my dad to forgive me, he did.
  4. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    It sounds like it is just a phase.

    I would recommend self discipline and self respect.

    If you go on the path to drugs and irresponsibility now, it will ****ing come down on you so hard later on. Just learn to control yourself, think before you act, etc.

    Stop using drugs. Stay in school, etc.

    Do you have long term depression or anything like that? It sounds like your emotions are based on your actions, and on peoples' reactions to your actions. Kids lie, cheat, steal, etc. and is to be expected. Maybe just fess up to your parents, tell them you're sorry, go through punishment, try to better yourself, etc.

    I'm sorry if I said anything that is wrong, but this is my opinion.
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