is it selfish?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rv498, Jul 19, 2012.

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  1. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I get that suicide would hurt my family.

    I just don't want to live in this earth though. I have no friends, just family. Actually I don't want to have friends, they are just annoying. I don't know why. I've worked 25+ years and now I am out of work. There is age discrimination so it's harder for me to get hired. With no education degree, it's even harder to get ends meet. I got responsibilities to my family and I get that. However, I'm just tired of working all my life and getting no where. The thing is, I don't want to get anywhere anymore. Nothing would make me happy. So I might just be dead and be done with.

    I keep my psychatrist appointments but even that is pointless. It's not helpful. Time is slipping away and I wonder why I exist. I've been like this for 30+ years.

    I am not asking for advice. Nobody can cure me out of this, only I can.

    I know suicide is wrong but living in slavery is wrong too. I'm sorry but long hours of work to make ends meet is slavery and even that it won't cover all the costs. One hospital visit and it will set you back so much. I'm ready to become homeless and actually considering becoming one in a few years. I heard people will die in a few days from lack of water and food. That's probably what will happen to me. Either that or infestation from lack of personal hygiene.

    I'm gonna go to a different country to become homeless. At least try to travel a little bit before I meet my Maker.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2012
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I am a parent who lost a child to suicide. I understand that many in my situation say that the one who dies by suicide was "selfish," but I don't agree with that. Yes, it hurts the family greatly... I will never had my heart back again and I will never enjoy another day due to this loss, but I do not blame my child. I do blame the system and the world in general, but not in a malicious manner. I seek to contribute to making changes rather than punishing the system or the world for this. That said, I don't know your situation and I'm not here to talk you into anything. In the end, you will do what you wish to do and I can't change that for you with words. I'm not in your shoes nor do I know your story, so it is not possible for me to understand what has brought you to where you are feeling. I will make a few comments, however. You say you have no education degree... I do not either, and yet I ended up holding a senior management position, due to hard work and diligence and patience over the years, in one of the largest manufacturing companies in my country (USA). When I say senior management, I mean that I reported directly to the President of the corporation. No degree. You can do anything that you set your mind to. I proved it. If you have children, it goes beyond responsibilities. That's again your decision to make, but me personally... I love my children so much that I'd suffer ANYTHING, cut off my own arms and legs if necessary, to be present still to always support them (support not always meaning money). I do a lot of volunteer work, I always have. I think if I were ever feeling in a situation like your own, rather than just becoming homeless... I would consider volunteering for something where all of my time went into doing something good for others. I have friends, for instance, who travel to small third world countries to help build orphanages, etc.

    I didn't reply to this to talk you into anything or to give you advice. You posted and I am simply commenting. I hope that you find an answer and a solution that does not cost you everything you have (the only real thing that you own in life is... your life). Best of luck and good wishes to you.
  3. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    thanks pick. What an inspirational story. My problem is self confidence. I got the potential but unable to deliver so I always feel shy to show for it and I end up in a mediocre position. This has frustrated me greatly all my life and one of the major reasons why I want to go to heaven sooner and leave the earth. I feel that this earth is for certain people like you who can thrive and flourish. I just spent way too many years struggle and I am tired of struggle. Imagine working low paying jobs and inhumane hours for 25+ years. Anyways, when the things that I have right now goes low, I will become homeless. I will not bother putting in efforts to find two three jobs and keep torturing myself. They are not gonna meet the end anyway.
  4. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    rv498, where you said "Imagine working low paying jobs and inhumane hours for 25+ years." and add to that having to do it at a job you hate has always been my biggest fear in life. I went back to college and got a degree so I would not have to do what you mentioned, but guess what I still cannot find a job. I believe I have the self confidence in that I can achieve anything, but I just believe there are no opportunities out there. But I also believe as you that maybe life is meant for some to work hard and they will achieve, where life is also meant for some people to work hard and they will never achieve. I just do not know anymore :( I have always been this way, if you tell me to go move a mountain and you will receive whatever goal you are trying to achieve than I would do it, because I know that is in my control. But some things I believe are just meant to be no matter what we do. Sorry if this was OT on your comment.
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