I get that suicide would hurt my family. I just don't want to live in this earth though. I have no friends, just family. Actually I don't want to have friends, they are just annoying. I don't know why. I've worked 25+ years and now I am out of work. There is age discrimination so it's harder for me to get hired. With no education degree, it's even harder to get ends meet. I got responsibilities to my family and I get that. However, I'm just tired of working all my life and getting no where. The thing is, I don't want to get anywhere anymore. Nothing would make me happy. So I might just be dead and be done with. I keep my psychatrist appointments but even that is pointless. It's not helpful. Time is slipping away and I wonder why I exist. I've been like this for 30+ years. I am not asking for advice. Nobody can cure me out of this, only I can. I know suicide is wrong but living in slavery is wrong too. I'm sorry but long hours of work to make ends meet is slavery and even that it won't cover all the costs. One hospital visit and it will set you back so much. I'm ready to become homeless and actually considering becoming one in a few years. I heard people will die in a few days from lack of water and food. That's probably what will happen to me. Either that or infestation from lack of personal hygiene. I'm gonna go to a different country to become homeless. At least try to travel a little bit before I meet my Maker.