Is it so bad I've never had a boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hanging_Hope, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    Being in a relationship seems to be one of the major points in life nowdays. I've never been in one. I'm 20 years old, I've never been kissed or hugged or touched or loved or liked or anything by any guy. Thus, I've never had a boyfriend. Overreacting or not, it's one of the things that seems to make me feel so depressed lately. I can't stand hearing people's experiences with their partners or significant others, I just get more depressed and end up feeling all suicidal all over again. Of course, that's not the only thing I feel suicidal for, but a mix of that with everything else that makes me feel this way just makes me shake from crying so much. Maybe I just don't deserve anything at all to even have a boyfriend. I'm never going to get one, anyone. Who would even think of ~trying to love me? No one. I know that much...
    I don't have a problem with how I look. It's one of the only things I appreaciate about myself. I'm not ugly, a friend of my aunt suggested that he could get me into the modelling bussiness when I was younger, of course I refused because I hate the idea, and that's definitely not the problem. I know looks aren't everything. I don't go for looks. A person with a great heart who I could connect to is more than enough to me. I actually hate people who only go for looks; looks fade with time, and if you're with someone just because of how they look you're going to be deeply disappointed and unhappy with them later in life. It's what inside that matters, because that's what makes a person different and beautiful, if their soul is. I'm quite a nice person, at least I like to think I am, but...Well, I guess I'm also unlucky when it comes to that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2009
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    honestly its no big. i was single until i was 19 then its been another few years flying solo. dont stress. not worth it really
  3. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    It makes me feel even more miserable though. Unwanted, unloved, and all that. And I hate seeing happy couples. I know it's wrong, but I can't feel happy for others that easily. It makes me incredibly selfish, but I'm so disappointed in my own life that...I just can't handle other people's hapiness...*sigh* And it hurts...Meh...
  4. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i know the feeling. trust me. but you said yourself your not ugly, so its just waiting for the right guy. the way i see it is its like waiting for the best x-mas or birthday present ever because thats what it feels like...
  5. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    Even if I were ugly though, would that take all of my hope from finding someone that cared for me? Are looks all that matter when it comes to relationships? *sigh* I don't get people who think that way...You can't say you're truly in love with someone unless you love them for what's in the inside. And you definitely can't say you love someone if, in case something happened and their looks got ruined, you left them just for that. I don't get people, I just don't. And most people I know mostly care about looks...

    I don't think the ''right guy'' will ever come. In fact, I'm quite sure I'll die alone. I've lost of all hope the past few days.
  6. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    ah i suppose i should clarify. ok looks... not everything. but they can be just what it takes to get that person to talk to you. me, i have a hard time talking to girls anyway, but youve got an advantage that may help. it may not but, theres always alternatives right?
  7. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    Well, I agree that looks can be a plus when it comes to relationships but it's not so much in the end. Personally, I would never be attracted to someone who's terribly good looking but hollow inside. Or, they could be nice, but if our personalities didn't fit, it would all be pointless. That's why I go for whoever has a nice, kind heart, for whoever I'll be able to connect to in a unique manner.

    I'm afraid of people. Of crowds. And no guy has shown interest in me in, ever, unless you want to count the ones whistled stupidly and shouted icky things. I have a much harder time talking to guys than you could imagine. I even have a had time talking to girls, hell, at least it's slightly better now but I can't seem to get over it.
  8. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i hate crowds too. i dont usually leave my flat. its hard for you to meet new people i guess? its a destructive cycle... dont like to meet new people, dont have relationships, confidence plummets, makes it harder to meet people... etc. you were brave to sign up here and i hope that same bravery makes you happy soon. :)
  9. Madison_Rose

    Madison_Rose Active Member

    You're not alone. When I started Uni (aged 22) I made a close friend. She was (and is) a great girl - smart, funny, interesting. She had never had a boyfriend though. When she started to spend a lot of time with me, her parents started to think that she must be romantically involved with me! She set them straight, and we had a laugh about it.

    I agree with your perspective on the looks thing. Looks shouldn't be important.

    If you socialise and get to know people (and I know it isn't easy, I find it difficult myself), you should find someone.
  10. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    You seem like a very nice and intelligent person, I am sure you'll fine Mr.Right soon enough. There are people who are shallow and mean, and are physically ugly on the outside as well, they're normally the ones who end up dying single, I don't think it's their fault though.
    I think everyone feels "love-sick" at one point in their lives, when they're single, but it's a lot better than finding out you've been with the wrong person the whole time and end up going on your separate ways, after years of intimacy.
    You're still young and you're a wonderful person, you should have this notion instead, cos it's true.

  11. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    This sounds similar to me, except gender and slight age difference. I'm 19, male, and never been kissed/hugged/touched/etc.. by any girl.

    I'm not sure what advice to give really since I'm in your situation as well.. sorry.
  12. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    Thanks for the replies~~

    Well, it's just...The more days go by the more I feel like there are no chances of me ever getting to be with someone. When I was 15, I knew I had all my life ahead of me but now I'm 20, and my depression is at its worse, and I dont' know what to believe or what to think anymore...
  13. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I'll take a few things based on what I think about me. I am 21 and a half, the same as you, got no one, never had no one.

    1. Situations
    Are you in positions where you meet people? A job, college, social circle. The more you do, the more people you know, the more chance their is you will meet someone

    2. Sex Appeal
    Are you shy, closed off, uncomfortable or appear innocent? What about the way you dress (i dont mean change to being a slut)

    3. Different kinds of Fish
    Could you go out with anyone? I doubt it, would you fall in love with any person, do you just want everyone you see, no. How can we cry about no one wanting us when we go around rejecting people in our minds. I'm sure there have been people want you, you dont want them, people you want dont want you.

    I say all this, but right now do I believe it? I am not sure, I think perhaps, for me, there is an extra influence, I have NO PERSONALITY.

    You're the same as me, same age, adolescence, life building, we need a relationship, we need a love life to be put on the correct life path. It is the key, it is all we want and crave intimacy.
  14. Ranxerox

    Ranxerox Well-Known Member

    I will definately die alone.
  15. Madison_Rose

    Madison_Rose Active Member

    I don't believe you :) Everyone has something interesting about them, when you get to know them. Sometimes, when people are depressed, or very shy, their personality gets buried and hidden. But it's in there!

    And I think that's good advice you gave, in the rest of that post :)
  16. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Heh, it's not that important. It's not like the ultimate purpose of our existance on earth is to find someone to love. Quite frankly, I don't know what it is.

    The media and society always tries to make people think they do. It's really your choice. I'm 19 and I've never had anyone. I don't find it really that much of a big deal.
  17. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    It's not a huge deal, Hanging Hope, loads of girls go a long time without finding the right guy. If you look at the girls that do date a lot, the guy they're with isn't always Prince Charming, right? Some people will settle for what they can get, some people will wait for that one special person and that just takes a little longer is all. You sound smart so you're already a little ways ahead of the pack and if you're as pretty as you say, guys do pay attention to you, they just do it discretely. What's inside matters most and even though I don't really know you, you make a good impression. If someone hasn't swept you off your feet in like six months, give me a call and I'll do it.
  18. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Reproduction is probably top of the list though:lol!:
  19. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I have never had a boyfriend either, and I'm 17 1/2... I want one badly, but I don't know if it's something I'm doing wrong or if they simply not are interested in me... I'm about losing hope, I think I will be alone forever.

    All my classmates have boyfriends/girlfriends, and I feel very alone, like an ufo.
  20. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I know I'm missing something, I'm so empty inside.