is it so wrong that i want to be able to trust atleast one person? and let them know everything thats happened to me? without them looking at me like im so sort of freak... for once i want to tell someone the truth of why im scared. the truth about why im jumpy. the truth about why i hardly smile, and when i do its a complete fake and cover up. i hate the fact that everyday i help people... or atleast i think i do my job intitles me to... but recently i lost the one paient who i felt at ease around... he didnt make me rush around we would stand a chat for a little while he never knew why i was so sad... but he tried to make it better he'd crack jokes.. even tho they was lame i felt like he was really trying to get me to just smile.... i actually miss him.. yes i know it was wrong to get emotionally attached.. but sometimes you cant help it right? sometimes you just want someone to care about you? and for those 15mins i spent with him aday he did.. he showed me what it was to feel cared for. i have an amazing boyfriend and he tries hes hardest to protect me and help and support me.. but i constantly feel useless.. like everything hes doing im not taking in it makes me feel awful when we argue and he'd say "i do wish you would atleast try" i am trying... ive been trying for years im trying to keep breathing keep moving on keep on going on in life.. but then it hits straight in the face and im back at square one..