Is it so wrong?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by necrodude, Jul 16, 2011.

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  1. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    I just want to give up sobriety for good... To go back to when i didn't care... But the problem is that was when i used to sleep rough in bus stops, drunk with nowhere to go.

    Is it wrong to go back to that, to run away and hide behind the alcohol, to kill the pain with booze?

    I know i self harm more when i drink, but that has to be be better than feeling this way... Doesn't it?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun it is not better you need to face the pain and sadness and deal with it once and for all okay get help councillor a therapist your doctor get help to heal okay you deserve that you do hugs.
  3. Kassy

    Kassy Well-Known Member

    I have been craving alcohol for 2 good weeks now. I found out that counting helps me to change my mind. I count when I feel I am going to give up. The other day, I counted up to 181, then I start back and re counted until 300, then, I was okay.

    I know how hard it is.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Alcohol is too messy to be used to combat depression.

    If a bit of the mothers ruin (alcohol) is going to mean that you are 'sleeping in bus-stops' - then its not worth it because whatever pain it takes away - alcohol always throws it back at you again.

    Alcohol was a complete failure at helping me cope with the blues. I mean - if I was down and drank to be happy - I got 'messy'. Even so - I never drink at home and never get drunk. Beer for me - is like a gateway drug. I often find it difficult to say no to what other people might be using also.

    The things is - for you - I think that booze is not to be touched until such a time that you can really just have a few pints in your local pub. I know mate - lots of people just drink at home now. Price of beer is such that its 4 pints for £10 in my world. There are cheaper ones if you look - but in the UK we drink local so its about £10 I guess.

    And if you smoke - hey, its £6 a packet now! That's 30p per cigarette.

    But drinking at home, in the place I live we have a lot of single people - divorced. Aged 30 - 60, you can imagine. Almost every women drinks! All the younger ones I mean. There is a 'hooker' (East European, nice girl really) and another who drinks to the point she has 5 relationships a year (and numerous affairs) Men fight there a lot. Another young 'lady' her kids taken into care - she wears mini skirts, dresses like an 18-yr-old at a rave and is in her 30s! I think she is also - on the game.

    But the men! Well, I have to say, I have a neighbour just across from me who drinks every day from 10.00am onwards. His mates arrive - all of them with cheap bottles of nasty whiskey and vodka. 3L bottles of strong cider are the choice of many men.

    At 12 noon they get serious - buy some tax free cigarettes (a carton of 10, 20 packs of smokes.) 4 smokers - that's a total of 50 cigarettes each! Just normal - and they often run out and buy more! People sell these tax free cigarettes all day and up to 2.00am!

    Now for the serious part.

    One of the 'girls', a real nice lady I've known for years, did actually kill herself right by my home. She left 2 daughters. She was aged 50 - looked 30,

    One of the 'lads' - 48 or so - he died of booze! I know his mother and she always warns me about drinking alone or drinking at home and having alcoholic 'acquaintances'

    Another man I know - he just got some 'exclusion order' from his girlfriend who is insane. I mean, woman here have issues - but I see no insanity!!!!

    The man is a drinker - dedicated to the bottle, but a nice lad who is like many in England - living on unemployment benefit - but the very lowest rate. He helped me fight off burglars - so I fixed his computer up and gave him earnest and foreboding advice re the exclusion girl.

    I told him he would end up in jail. I was wrong, he got probation and community hours. I wrote an affidavit or character reference stating that both parties were VERY drunk, so much so that nobody at this little party remembered much except that there was a blazing boozed fuelled row.

    I think she attacked him. Some woman do this when drunk. She might have went for a knife or something - so someone said - but they were drunk also - and having their own individual party within the party at that point.

    This was a couple of years back. He is now back with her. He competes for attention with several other men.

    To surmise in short what I take 100 lines to say - stay off the booze!

    Its destructive, its addictive, its something that you can either handle or something that ought not pass your lips again.

    You cut under the influence.

    Thanks for sharing a little of the way you feel. Feels good does it not? The pain of depression is lifted by opening up a little. Sharing here is a step in the right direction and your journey in life NEEDS direction!!

    I gave up booze after working with a chef as his understudy. Actually, I was a kitchen porter but we got along so great he promoted me to be his right hand man in a kitchen which had maybe 40 plus staff in there! He bullied me into getting high - lol. Seriously though - some chefs are like rock and rollers. I never knew that, but...

    The chef was loved by the people we worked for. The man was drunk from ten in the morning till 2 at night, every night! We started up by getting breakfast sorted out (easy) then it was time for a few joints - and coffee. At 12, the bar opened, Trays of beer appeared like magic! All free. At first I was drinking 2 pints and going for a sleep in the afternoon. Once into the swing of things it was 4 pints afternoon - with two or three 'smoke' breaks.

    Sometimes we slipped out for a pint in the pub - so came back in time to prepare the dinner! The chef has 'commis' chefs - who make a lot of the 'easy' stuff - such as cook the veg, rice, cut up meats and fish. The chef was brilliant - his rule was a noble one - but he swore at other commis chefs.

    So, after dinner - another 4 pints - more smoking. At night always the pub! This is after 8-10 pints in the day! Back to room - shower, shave and - wow, old red eyes IS back.

    The saving grace was that the chef would cook me anything I wanted at any time! He soon taught me a few tricks and allowed me the keys to the kingdom - a state of the art kitchen with a walk in fridge and a larder. We had three kitchens but I chose the 5 star one - with the 5 star food. Well, it seemed like 5 star food to me!

    So , 1.00am after the pub - I was 'the chef' and wore my hat and swore at the younger drunk ones! The rule was - clean up always - which is easy when your kitchen is the size of a house!

    Sadly, the fun did end and there came a moment when I visited the chefs wife and children. The chef said he was divorced - he slept about 3 hours a night as he was a handsome dude and had half the kitchen staff on the go. Few men have the ability to do that after maybe 15 pints, and smoking hash all day.

    His wife - a lap-dancer, was oblivious to his philandering. One look at his two daughters, 3 and 5 - or something - and I realised that my few months of booze had to end. I think I knew back that if I used booze to combat 'the blues' I could become a big drinker very fast. Normally, I'd maybe like a few pints in the evening after work.

    Well, one night - I had taken more booze than normal and ended up on a date with someone real nice. I had to take a train - but the chef had given me a BIG box of assorted frozen meat. I only realised on the train that maybe turning up to a date with a big box of maybe £100 worth of meat was, lets face it - fu**** up. I sold my meat to a man on the train (sounds wrong - but I leave it because its funny)

    Meatless, I meet her. I get the wrong night - she is working in a pub. I decide to say and we can have a drink when the pub closes. Everything became a blur - I actually got so drunk I ended up on a motorway for some strange reason. On the slip road. I phoned up the taxi but it turned out to be cops. I had phoned using the little phones on the side of the motorway - they can connect to the police.

    For all I know I was walking on the actual motorway.

    The girl I knew/know - she never did say anything which was pretty cool. She never gets drunk - not sure if she is a stoner but its immaterial now.

    So, for men at least, I think drink loses you the right kind of women and sets you up for the wrong ones. I think I lost a good woman just on the strength of turning up for a date, on the wrong night, and so drunk that even my amazing powers of conversation were lost. Without that - I am lost for words (pun)

    Good luck with your choices - try to identify WHY you have this pain in the first place.

    Why destroy yourself - when all you want is the pain to go way?

    Why not take away what causes the pain?

    Or put something in place to shield you from that pain.

    Thanks for reading this - hope some helps and I hope you do not mind a bit of levity to defect the pain. Just frown upside down more often!

    Best of luck - I think its Wales, no? I can see Wales from my window.

    Pob lwc* to you! (*good luck!)
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