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Is it still rape?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Steviee, Oct 25, 2014.

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  1. Steviee

    Steviee Member

    Is it still rape if i went along with it?
    I kept telling him i didn't want to but he wouldn't listen, wouldn't take no for an answer. He just kept doing it so eventually i just went along with it.
    It almost been a year and it still haunts me. I still can't talk about it.
    Does that count as rape?
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Steviee, I am sorry for what you went through, for what you still are going through it was wrong what he did. I think if you didn't want it, then it is rape in my opinion. I am certainly no professional and I don't know legally but to me it is, If you kept saying no then he has no right even if you stopped saying no he still had no right to do what he did. He did something to you against your will, that is wrong, wrong, wrong. I am sorry for your suffering and pain, The humiliation and degradation.
  3. Beka

    Beka Well-Known Member

    Yes it's still rape.
    I'm sorry that you feel like you can't talk about it, try writing it down instead.

    I'm here to help you get through this. <3.
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    No is no is no. I am sorry you experienced this. I'm not sure where you are, but please seek out some help so that you can process this and not have it haunting you.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome you told him you didn't want it. THAT IS RAPE. There are no if's , but's, or it could be my fault. It's not. It is rape plain and simple. How old are you? Please tell someone as rape will have a very damaging effect which is why you probably ended up here unfortunately hun. Please tell someone you trust. Who is this person? You can talk here. You are safe to talk here.

  6. Steviee

    Steviee Member

    I was 18 at the time. yeah, my doctor is going to send me to therapy so that will hopefully help. It actually feels a lot better now that i can think it wasn't my fault. thanks for your help.
  7. Steviee

    Steviee Member

    Thank you. :) It means a lot <3
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm being very gentle in saying this....do not ''think'' it was your fault. KNOW it was not your fault. Even at age 18 its not your fault, not at 50 not at any age. I know what I am talking about I was raped when I was 12, I did initially think it was my fault but now at 25 I know he is a paedophile and a rapist and should be locked up (I did try and press charges there was not enough evidence).... but anyway I am glad you are getting help and talking about it, well done..it is a great start, I wish you all the best. Therapy is excellent, it really does make a lot of difference.

    Much caring, Lynn x
  9. Steviee

    Steviee Member

    Thank you so much! That must have been really difficult. I'm excited and nervous to try therapy but i really think it's going to help.

    Thanks again, Stevie x
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are so very welcome,only glad to be of help :) It's natural to be nervous about starting therapy. Get to know the therapist first, build up trust and confidence and go from there. :hug:

    Also yes it was very difficult but worth it in the end. Do not let it rule your life. You are in control now. :)
  11. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I still struggle myself with the sexual abuse I have endured. I have those mixed feeling, as well. I feel at times I welcomed it. I was hanging around with the wrong crowd, sadly. Its taken me 40+ years to finally accept that it was NOT my fault.

    You will get through this, and best of luck with your therapy, trust me, you will get through this and don't beat yourself for having mixed feeling about the ASSAULT (blaming yourself) - it happens to people that have been abused, and always remember it was NOT your fault.

    I hope that makes sense.
  12. PaigehBabeh

    PaigehBabeh Member

    If you told him no, then it is rape. He did not have your consent. In your head it was easier to go along with it than to keep fighting him. <3
  13. jenny4

    jenny4 Member

    I understand these mixed feelings. I was only just 15 when I was taken advantage of by a guy who I'd been hanging round with. He was about 23 (maybe a bit older, not sure). It was my first time, and we were in his car. I know he took advantage, but I still feel conflicted about it. I remember telling him to stop, but I'd gone along with everything before that (even though I didn't feel comfortable) and felt it was my fault for getting myself into the situation. I still feel it was my fault in fact, and I'm 36 now!
  14. Event_Horizon

    Event_Horizon SF Supporter

    Well I would like to clarify how it is not your fault and I wish I could evaporate your guilt with such knowledge. But here goes. Rape predominantly is defined by sexual activity without your consent. If you say no that is withdrawal of consent in that instant. Any guilt you have feeling like you did not fight harder to convey that is irrelevant as no means no when it comes to law. It wouldn't matter if you were dressed provocatively, let the person in, drunk, high, or aliens had scrambled your brain for some experiment that only they understand. All that matters is you said No.

    It also sounds like you were under, Undue Influence. Which is defined as follows.

    Virtually any act of persuasion that over-comes the free will and judgment of another, including exhortations, importunings, insinuations, flattery, trickery, and deception, may amount to undue influence.

    Since you can be prosecuted for undue influence alone, its a safe bet to assume this person is a criminal scum bag. Not worth your guilt. Easy to say I know, but hopefully therapy will truly help you realise that. Trust in the definitions of law on rape along with undue influence, as well as your own instincts that this was wrong. It is easy to second guess yourself into feeling some how responsible. But the moment you withdraw consent and feel coerced, a crime has been committed.

    Please take care.
  15. Yes it is rape, and regardless of what you wan to label it, it was something that traumatised you and that you didn't want.

    And the fact that he had to pressure you proves he KNEW yuo didn't want it.

    Screw him (not literally). Report him.
  16. TracyWills

    TracyWills Member

    Sorry to hear for what happen to you Steviee. Hope you'll find peace for yourself.
  17. little lucy

    little lucy Active Member

    Yeah its rape. If you said No, it's rape. It's not your fault he didn't stop.
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