is it still su*?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Aug 9, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Is it wrong to feel suicidal?

    I know how it feels to lose a loved one, my uncle killed himself 20yrs ago so I know the questions you ask urself, I see what it does to ur parents, ur siblings, ur children. BUT...he's not suffering anymore, life was difficult for him, he witnessed things u shouldn't have to, he done things he shouldn't have too..and they haunted him so he couldn't survive, I Understand why he decided enough was enough.

    So, when someone tells me to think about friends & family am I selfish when I then take an overdose or when the thoughts of death are with me. I must be, cause I'm willing to hurt others to ease my own pain...that's something else I don't like about me, I've tried to change it, but the thoughts of suicide are more powerful then any rational thinking.

    I self medicate on high doseages is this classed as suicide ~ sorry probably strange question sorry.
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    If you feel suicidal it's not always a simple case of saying to yourself, "snap out of it", the depression hazes our minds into believing our life is unworthy, we are unworthy and/or we are better off dead when this isn't the case.

    I can understand you feel bad for feeling suicidal when you have people around you who would be hurt if you were to die, I know what that feels like but the fact that you're not killing yourself shows your inner strength and you're still here because you care, that is not a sign of selfishness.

    Saying that however I think of suicide as someone's desperate bid to escape from themselves and their life, a point where they can't handle it and is the ultimate way to try and "solve" things, it doesn't make you selfish, suicide is an act of desperation. There's a difference.

    I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are, it is difficult but hang on in there. Suicide may seem like the way out of things, but it isn't. Take each day as it comes one step at a time. Reach out to friends, family and doctors.

    As for your question about the high dosages, are you taking the high dosages in an attempt to kill yourself or more in a self harm way? Either way, it's not good and please stop, I want you to take care of yourself. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 9, 2007
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    I agree with Resistance and you do come across as a caring person, but deserve to be cared for and cared about to, you have friends here that will help and support you through this difficult time, as Resistance says one step at a time:hug:
  4. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your reply. When I tried to explain that to someone who said I talk of death and suicide too much they told me too snap out of it and move on, just forget it, forget the past...if only it was that easy.

    I have never wanted to hurt anyone, even the people who have hurt me, I'm not saying I haven't hurt anyone, cause I have and I live with that and accepted the consequences.

    I can't reach out to friends or family in the real time, I've tried before and was welcomed with negative thoughts that left me feeling worse..but I am seeing "professionals" to try and help me, I am trying everything to ease the thoughts it just not that easy and they won't go away or back off.

    I started self medicating cause I wanted a slow painful death I believed that is what I deserved, that the biggest punishment was to live and die a painful death and that is what is happening. I want to stop but theirs something inside my head that reminds me that it will take away all the pain, memories and everything.

    I'm probably talking rubbish and I apologise....I know some people will think I'm wierd and strange, but I honestly didn't wake up one morning and think today I want to die, I don't remember when I started having these thoughts but I do know that the thoughts are with me 90% of the time.
  5. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    you cant snap out of it if that were possible hun none of us would be on the forum, its not possible to forget the past either we have to learn to manage the feelings the past has given us and that takes time, we may never truely be able to but we may get to a point where upon we live with them TC hun:hug:
  6. chasing_dreams

    chasing_dreams Well-Known Member

    You're not talking rubbish at all :hug:. I find that a lot of people who have never felt this way find it very hard to understand - either that or aren't even willing to try. Sure, they have bad days, but then they feel better, and they seem to think it's that easy for anyone just to 'snap out of it'. They don't realise that you can't just forget the past and move on.

    You've already taken one of the hardest steps towards getting past everything you've been through by seeing professionals about it though. I know how frustrating it can be when you take those steps and nothing seems to change, but nobody expects that to be easy, including the professionals - I hope you find that slowly things begin to change for the better for you though. You're a wonderful person and you do have lots of people here who will support you through it.

    As for the self medicating, there is nothing that you need to punish yourself for. Please look after yourself

    :hug: x x
  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    bless ya all.

    I wish I could just believe what you say, my self image is completely the opposite to what others seem to say.

    I have tried to stop self medicating...I must sound insane...if i want to stop then why not just stop, but I don't seem able to. I'm not allowed to say what I self medicate with as I realise its against the rules, but they are prescribed and no longer over the counter drugs..I'm in serious trouble with these why don't I flush them? cause flushing them is like flushing away my escape from life.

    Please someone just hit me or something...I need someone to take control of my life for me cause I seem to be messing it up.
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