I'm doing my best to protect my children I've fled nearly 300 miles to try and get on with our life but he still haunts me he is still in my head telling me I'm not a capable mother that I cant do this on my own that my children will be better off without me I'm so f**ked up inside '(
You have been told some horrible things by a man who you trusted enough at one to be the father of the children. Don't blame yourself - some men are just incapable of manning up - and worse - they BULLY women due to their own insecurities and misgivings.
It is so easy for a woman or man - to fall for someone - and then they turn out to be someone else in a few years. Sometimes - a man or woman can become a better person. Your man had that chance - he had YOU - but he blew it - and now he wants to demean you as a mother!
Any man who does that is a lowlife.
His mask has well and truly slipped - you done the right thing - but as you say he is 'in your head' - this is because you invested trust in him - cared for him - gave him the support he needed.
But - you have your own voice in your head - the RIGHT voice which says forget this miserable excuse for a man - get legal help and support - an injunction? Seek some free legal advice - it is out there.
Have you any family out there who can offer support?
I know we have a lot of women on here who are in a similar position with some s***-head ex - children, and the horrible addiction of being depressed - sometimes severely so.
I'd just like to say that all you single mums do a brilliant job - your all stars and your children do need you so very much.
But - you need care also - people who are friends - pals - mates. Lovers? Well - I know we all need love - but I think its wise not to rush into anything.
On the other hand - its not like you have a choice sometimes.
Love has to be a fifty fifty thing - I could not imagine being with anyone who tried to demean me. Sure - I could get suckered perhaps - and whilst falling love is a roller coaster of emotions - being in love is when you are sometimes 'owned'. You give up part of yourself to someone.
Thankfully - the part we give away can be reeled back in. If your man or woman screwed your life up in a horrible way - your in good company here. I think we could actually fill a football stadium with all the people who were mean to us - and hurtful - on purpose.
These people - KNOW what they do - and trust me - what goes around does come around. Who hurts now - will later get hurt.
Your ex will hopefully live till 100 - so he can have 30 years old age thinking about the woman who could have saved him.
Part of you still maybe thinks you can save him - but you know its over - he has had his chance and used up your love, energy, health and confidence as a mum.
Damn him to the lowest depths of hell!
So - its goodbye a**-hole - and for you - life WILL get better. Your children love you unconditionally - when they grow up they will CARE for you in your old age. They will remember mum - who raised them - and you will raise the children as good kids.
You fled 300 miles - turned your life upside down - started again for the children.
But - its your life also. For now - you got the children but I want you to get well again and one day - soon! - something will always come along - a friend, something inspiring, maybe education? And there are nice men out there - trust me - I KNOW plenty of them aged 14 to maybe 70 odd.
Oh dear - I sound like a pimp or something! I'm just saying that I know lots of single mums - they learn from their mistakes with the first man - and I hope you meet a few mates - a few woman like you in your new place. With children you will have some social stuff to do - and I hope your feeling well enough to find a few to talk with. Helps a lot to just have a neighbour like you - someone to swap recipes with and devise murder plans for ex's who really do steal oxygen from me!
Good men exist - if you spot one - make sure you actually get him checked out by some mates - and you always got me for advice there.
I am a good judge of other men's character.
Any man who hurts a woman in my little circle of trust - will have me to deal with - and my brother and I don't know, 50 angry men - more maybe - I know lots of men who kind of think its normal to beat the crap out of someone who even talks nasty.
Even one word really - I think that's all it takes.
I hope some men can back me up here - I mean, we are the good guys right? Depression can make you a very caring person - it gives me insight - I know how men deal with self hate - they pass it onto their woman - or be like me - and do other things. When I was young - I did treat a few women unkindly - turning up a date on LSD - little things like that. I've never said anything bad to a woman - and never had an argument - ever! Easy to do actually - no! not turn gay! I tried that and fell in love with myself - dated me! We split up over issues.
So xliberty - I hope some of the humour here is not out of place. I guess you aint had many laughs of late - but this man you had - he sounds like a right clown! We all make mistakes - love is always a risk no matter what.
You got your children - so thank God for that. Something GOOD and sacred is in your life - you just need the confidence back - and for people to tell you that you are a good mum.
So - do you read to the children? I got a good books to suggest - or you can download movies and so on. Not too much TV though! But sure a little bit is just fine!
I know things are bad now - I've been there, seen it and just wish I could bottle the feeling I have sometimes - the feeling that things CAN get better and that WE are here to really live a life - not to spend our days with this darkness swirling in our heads.
It gets better - hope you can hang onto that thought and I wish you some peace of mind for the interim.
I pray also - but I'm not here to bother you with God.
Good luck xliberty and hope some of this helps you in some way.
im doing my best to protect my children iv fleed nearly 300 miles to try and get on with our life but he still haunts me hes still in my head telling me im not a capable mother that i cant do this on my own that my children will be better off without me im so f**ked up inside my body just dont want to carry on i just cant carry on being this low but there is only one way out i hate feeling like this :'(