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Is it weird for a guy to request a female therapist?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Gonz, Mar 4, 2018.

  1. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    So I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement here regarding finding professional help, for which I am very grateful. And I’ve finally settled on a place to try. They have a number a therapists on staff, so there’s a decent chance there’ll be someone there I can work with. And a psychiatrist as well, in the very likely event that we decide medication is a good idea.

    I’ll probably be calling them sometime in the next week or so. But, before I do, I have a question. And yeah, it’s what’s in the title. I know it’s pretty normal for people to request someone of their own gender. But, for various reasons, I’d just be more comfortable talking to a woman. So, would that be a weird thing for a guy to ask for?
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    In my opinion no. As long as you find a therapist that you like and feel comfortable with.
    Gonz likes this.
  3. Ineluki

    Ineluki The Storm King

    I think it is perfectly fine.

    For a number of reasons, I don't trust my own gender with my feelings so I always gravitate toward female therapists. That way I don't have to work as hard to open up in the first place.
    Gonz likes this.
  4. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I've always been asked if I have a preference. Same as with an MD (research shows better medical results BTW). As I have learned about myself, I do ask for specific personality types (I need someone who will hold me accountable for following through).

    I did have a male psychiatrist though. It helped to have a male perspective on things at times.
    Gonz likes this.
  5. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    Thanks all.

    Oh, I really do hope they ask before I bring it up. That would make it so much less uncomfortable.
  6. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    It isn't weird in the slightest Gonz, I have always seen female counselors. Different people have different preferences and if you don't get what you feel you need then you won't be comfortable and may not be able to gain the full benefits of therapy. For me, there's just something I find more comforting in talking to a woman than I do men, I suppose it's bedside manner and due to reasons in my past. I generally feel more comfortable in female company, even here I think the majority of my posts or chats are to and from women.

    I spoke to my psychotherapist about this when I first started and she said it's perfectly normal and very common for male clients to seek female therapists. There are various psychological reasons for it, but they're all pretty textbook. I actually found it an interesting "ice breaker" when I first started seeing her. I felt awkward asking at first but I was glad I did because it cleared the air for me and we moved forward quickly. The worst thing you can do is keep quiet about something that is important to you, so don't be shy as they are there for you.

    Good luck with the therapy, just be open minded, honest, and don't be afraid to speak up, these people are professionals and have seen/heard pretty much everything. {{Hedgehugs}}
    Gonz likes this.
  7. StevenR

    StevenR Active Member

    Not at all. I myself had a female one for over 6 months after my wife pasted away. I felt more comfortable talking to her than I did a male. I had a male one for about a month and to me, he just didn't show much compassion. That made me feel like he didn't care. So as for me I would want a female.
    Gonz likes this.
  8. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    Oh man, you too? I lost my wife a year and a half ago. It’s the worst fucking thing in the world. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through it too.
  9. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    I feel much the same way. There’s this tendency with men to try to establish dominance over each other, even if it’s done unintentionally, that I can’t deal with. And, due to past experiences, I do particularly poorly with male authority figures. But I have an easier time with women because their approach feels more collaborative than competitive. Or maybe that’s all just my perception and it’s something I should work on. But, frankly, I have bigger concerns at the moment. The internet is different, everyone is genderless online as far as I’m concerned, but almost all of my RL friends have been women.

    Pointy, yet comforting. Thank you ouchmouse.
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  10. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    I agree with this but would also add that some men (this is only generalisation so no offense to any one who feels differently) naturally try to "fix" problems like they would a piece of equipment, where as women have a tendency to know when to listen and just to offer compassion rather than solutions. I know I'm a good listener, but I have an "engineering" mind that wants to get to the cause of the problem and solve it, which isn't always welcome (I've been told many times) and quite often pushes the other person away...hence my being single yet again :rolleyes:

    Perceptions are part of our character and make-up, I don't consider them right or wrong and something that needs to be worked on, but they tend to change naturally as we learn and grow from experiences. If your experiences have led you to be more comfortable around women, then that's the way it is and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    LMAO at this!! Loving the ouchmouse, seriously considering a name change to this!! (You will be credited for it, of course ;))

    hog fox hug.jpg
    Walker and Gonz like this.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @Gonz

    No - its not weird at all to request a therapist or a different gender, whatever you feel most comfortable with. It's a personal choice and I am SO happy to see you reaching out for help. You have made my day as I know you were struggling really intensely and you need the help, go for it and keep us updated. You can do this totally :)

    Best wishes :)
    Karmitkurmit and Gonz like this.
  12. Females tend to be better listeners and more empathetic. Hence the phrase, "a man of few words". Males can be good therapists too, but if you prefer a female, nothing wrong with that.
    Karmitkurmit and Gonz like this.
  13. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Hey. Did you make your appointment yet? We're waiting... :)
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  14. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    I’ll get to it, I swear. Eventually. Probably. Maybe.

    Come on, cut me some slack. I have to get myself pumped up just to order a pizza, this call is a lot harder.
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  15. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Gimme your number, I'll call for you. Haha
    Sending you good vibes, bud. Keep hanging in there. Keep letting us know how you are.
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  16. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    P.S. I don't order pizza either. Phone calls are awful. Thank God for pizza app!
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  17. unlucky me

    unlucky me Active Member

    Hi gonz.not at all.i don't know why that is but i know most girls request male therapist and im not saying if from a special aspect and also there are guys who request female therapist so its ok.its totally normal ;)
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