I'm just tired. so very tired. Honestly, the only reason why I haven't pressed the "off" button already is because of how that would destroy my family - and how unwilling I am to do that to my parents and my little brother. That's purely the only reason why I'm sitting here breathing in and out - existing. My parents are really concerned about my depression. My mom especially freaks out a lot because she's so terrified of losing another daughter. I've tried to reassure her that that would never happen (as far as it's up to me), but she doesn't seem to be reassurable until I get better and out of this depression. Despite her best intentions, I get exasperated with this. Isn't it enough that I'm willing to expand my unhappiness, so that she won't have to relive the hell she went through when my older sister died? I don't have it in me to both stay here and be happy. I've tried therapy and medications, and found they were quite pointless and didn't do anything except make the shrinks/docs feel better about themselves. and I'm too tired to fight anymore. and i'm not even sure if i care enough to even try to get better. I'm fine just being by myself, and sitting this life out. If I'm okay with it, why can't my mom settle for that too?