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is it weird that i don't even care if i get better anymore?

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meeko1004

Well-Known Member
#1
I'm just tired. so very tired.
Honestly, the only reason why I haven't pressed the "off" button already is because of how that would destroy my family - and how unwilling I am to do that to my parents and my little brother.
That's purely the only reason why I'm sitting here breathing in and out - existing.

My parents are really concerned about my depression. My mom especially freaks out a lot because she's so terrified of losing another daughter.
I've tried to reassure her that that would never happen (as far as it's up to me), but she doesn't seem to be reassurable until I get better and out of this depression.

Despite her best intentions, I get exasperated with this. Isn't it enough that I'm willing to expand my unhappiness, so that she won't have to relive the hell she went through when my older sister died?
I don't have it in me to both stay here and be happy.

I've tried therapy and medications, and found they were quite pointless and didn't do anything except make the shrinks/docs feel better about themselves.
and I'm too tired to fight anymore. and i'm not even sure if i care enough to even try to get better.
I'm fine just being by myself, and sitting this life out.
If I'm okay with it, why can't my mom settle for that too?
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
It is not wierd or uncommon you feel this way many people with depression go throught that stage as well. You need help your mother sees that your thougths are still being distorted by the depression. I hope you let her help you hugs
 
#3
i sometimes feel like this myself

is it really worth trying to get better anymore, when i'm so down

btw, the only (only) reason i'm not gone, is because of this forum. i'd be devistated if i left some of these forum people behind
 

aoeu

Well-Known Member
#4
Apathy is pretty much the main symptom of depression. The worst part of treating most mental disorders is wanting to get better, I think.
 

icequeen

Well-Known Member
#6
meeko1004, talk about deja vu...thats exactly what i have been telling my doc and therapist for weeks and weeks...i am just too tired for all this crap, why cant i be left alone till the grim reaper decides he wants me. but no...you cant do that, you have to do this...why? surely if we are happy on our own, in our own little worlds, hurting no one.,...whats the prob? you made me feel good as i never believed i was the only one to feel that way. thank you for posting.
 

gakky1

Well-Known Member
#7
I've tried therapy and medications, and found they were quite pointless and didn't do anything except make the shrinks/docs feel better about themselves.
and I'm too tired to fight anymore. and i'm not even sure if i care enough to even try to get better.


Good point about the therapists Meeko, wonder that too, maybe I'm a bit cynical after seeing so many but start to wonder if the whole point of them doing their job these days isn't becuse of that and of course the $$$.
In the same boat as you, I've lost caring about whether I'll get better, sort of on a long downward spiral, you know, how does one get that urge to live and start caring anymore when there's no reason in your life to?:unsure: Speaking for myself there and my uselessness but hope things are going better for you Meeko.:biggrin:
 

lightbeam

Antiquities Friend
#8
I am just about as tired as the rest of you. I look at my illness as a means to an end.

I used to have it all together - loving wives, kids, and the whole bit. But in the end, that's what eluded me. My illness had taken that away from me.

But I also realize that's what caused it. I should never have married. Let alone twice. I have kids, but I can never see them as long as my illness is rampant. Even with the medications, doctors, and therapy, I almost begin to wonder whether or not to just throw in the towel, and look at it all as lost.

Do I really want to get better? I'm not sure, because I have been sick so long.
 
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