Is it worth fighting forever?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by foreverhumbled, Jun 9, 2012.

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  1. foreverhumbled

    foreverhumbled New Member

    I sit here everyday and I stare at the same screen, trying to find why am I here and if it's even worth it to be here, fighting. The question "Is it worth it?" haunts me ever moment of everyday. As of now I live for my Grandparents, they are who raised me when no one else wanted me. When no one... no one else wanted me. Still, no one wants me.. 'Family' is non- existent in my life. I am the one they "put up" with, I am the one who took my grandparents 'golden years' away. I am the one who constantly is fucking up and doesn't deserve respect. If my Grandparents die, I have no one. No cousins, no siblings, no parents, no aunts or uncles, Nothing.

    I sit here and I try to smile and I try to see the light, and I am succumb by the darkness.

    "Is it worth it?"
    "Lila, is it worth it?"
    "IS IT?"

    Now... Is it?

  2. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    It's worth it if you ever do find happiness in life. The problem is that you'll never know unless you stick around to find out. That's the gamble. Think of life as a lottery... if you believe that you will always lose, there's no point in playing. But on the off chance that you do win - even if it takes years and years before you do - it will make all the misery that came before worth it. That's what I keep telling myself. Do I feel lucky? Not particularly. But hell, what have I got to lose?
  3. foreverhumbled

    foreverhumbled New Member

    I suppose.. The sticking around part is the hardest. Also, even when I am happy I feel the darkness locked onto my heart. What happens when you win the lottery and you still feel this?
  4. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    That... I don't know. It's probably a sign that you have unresolved issues from the past. Or maybe a chemical imbalance. Are you sure you were really happy, though? Just because people think you should be happy, doesn't mean that you are. A lot of people base their happiness on society's ideals of happiness... they get the spouse, the good job, the home with the picket fence, the car, the dog, the 2.5 kids, and they wonder why they're still unhappy. Happiness is subjective. What makes you happy might not make me happy. It's not fair for someone to look at another person's life and say, "you have everything that anyone could ever want, you have no right to be sad". Obviously if you're unhappy, you don't have everything you want. Something is still wrong. You can't be happy as long as you still have that darkness in your heart. Happiness at that point will not come from what happens to you in life, it will have to come from within. You have to find out why you are keeping that pain locked up inside and find a way to let it out.
  5. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    I believe in almost all cases its worth it. I'm also alone, due to my history I guess and how things went for me,
    so I know how you feel. It wears on you. But life is too magnificent a thing. Take a moment to look up at the sky, or
    look at the ocean, nature around you, and you'll see what I mean. I think what I'm saying is try and enjoy what you
    can today instead of waiting for some great happiness tomorrow. We get caught up in our own little hells when we're
    constantly stuck in our own heads.. Instead of trying to be more in the moment. And darkness locking on to you, I
    understand what you mean but you can learn to live with it and even embrace it. :) It's all about the degree of the thing.
  6. PhantomLyt

    PhantomLyt New Member

    I just logged onto the site feeling the same way
    and was shocked when I saw this post just sitting there almost as if it was waiting for me.

    I am sorry you have such suffering in your life as well.
    I don't know why we must feel this way.
    My sisters are the only ones who have been there for me. But I am hurting them by the way I act and my emotions.
    I started getting help so I would not hurt them anymore. It is going on a year now... and it feels like I am getting worse.
    I thought I found good help... but the medications make me feel horrible and now I am at the point of not knowing what is real and what isn't. I literally have no control over my emotions any more. I don't know who I am and what my purpose of living is; epecially if I do more damage than good.

    I have no intent of harming myself, but I just don't want to live any more. I pray for peace in my life and in my sisters lives.
    and right now all I see is peace in death. I hate the fact that this is my conclusion, but nothing else seems realistic.
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    If you do something bad and drastic... leaving this world now... what about your grandparents? Think of how they devoted their years to you and remember that they did not do that so that you could leave. They did that because they want you to succeed and that should help inspire wellness. Achieve for them so that they can feel the reward. You say you are sitting and staring at the same screen - It is time to put the screen aside, get out and create the bonds, the friends, the inspirations. It's time to build a plan not for demise, but for getting better. It is a challenge that is difficult, for sure, but it has rewards. You can do it.
  8. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I don't think it makes a difference either way. People keep saying things like 'you'll be hurting people who care about you', but really, if dying is what's best for you then it's their problem if they don't understand that, and it's not like you'll care about anyone when you're dead. None of it really means anything in the larger scope of things anyways… no one on this site is much more than a tiny, tiny blip of insignificance and it's not like killing yourself is going to devastate nations or probably even hurt that many people. Actually, there's a good chance that very few people will give it more than a moment's thought.

    And even if you do 'fight', you're going to lose eventually. If there's nothing in particular that you feel like doing with yourself, or nothing about being alive that interests you, it's not like anyone killing themselves ever made much of a difference to anyone… unless you're famous, I guess, but even then, most people won't care.

    If all that you are and all that you're ever going to be is a lump sitting around wondering what to make of his/her shitty life in the middle of a shitty society, then there's not really much point. To be honest, I don't even know if there's much point even if you're a productive lump in the middle of a shitty society.

    But ultimately, it's all up to you and nobody should make that decision for you.
  9. Drake

    Drake Well-Known Member

    The real question is , is it worth it to try to make a new family , reflecting on your own experience .
    Is the gamble worth it or too scared to try ?

    Is it worth it to keep going well only you can decide , but I think you are asking yourself the wrong question .
    Is it worth it to continue the legacy for yourself , well you already know the answer to that .
    You just too scared to try , cause failure is not a option , but if you haven´t tried , how would you know you failed ?
  10. meowmix6969

    meowmix6969 New Member

    of course it is worth it. you say you have no one. no cousins, siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, nothing. but you have us. that is the purpose of this forum. WE are WILLING to listen :) WE are here for YOU! please message me if you want to talk :) hold your head up high love because one day you will realize you had everyone all along
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