I've been struggling getting over a friendship that resulted in a sexual relationship where I was badly hurt because I fell in love with him, but he didn't feel the same way. It's been a year now and I still can't forgive myself for ever starting anything with him in the first place and I despise him for taking advantage of me and leading me on. Now he doesn't have any contact with me anymore and has moved on but I have stayed stuck with resentment. I had to write 2 pages of why I don't like him anyway, but I still can't get him off my mind without feeling great remorse and sorrow. Now my neighbor is a good friend of his and everytime his name was mentioned I cringe inside and I'm jealous of her even though she says she doesn't have a sexual relationship with him like what I had. I have tried to kill myself many times over many reasons, but now I'm entertaining my mind to make another and maybe final attempt to end my life successfully so I don't have to put up with this pain anymore. I don't have a plan yet, but if I don't do anything, I can't bear the pain I'm suffering from not being able to let go of a relationship that was never meant to be. Something must be wrong with me to hold such resentment in my heart that I want to take drastic measures to kill myself over him because even seeing him at a distance or hearing about him bothers me so bad. I just don't want to be reminded anymore and I think if I killed myself I wouldn't have to deal with him and my feelings anymore. I wish I had a definite plan but I just don't and it's weighing me down and I am feeling so alone.