Is it worth it? Is it really worth it? I'm a college student, and trying hard to do well in school. I've been getting really good grades, which suprised me with all the trouble i had from Elementary thru High school. I've done all I can to over come my learning disabilities or in my opinion, my learning differences... and then in the matter of just a few months it all falls apart. I make a move from one home to another, from one boyfriend to another, and I find myself in a situation I never expected nor wanted to be in, even though I love my new boyfriend. His 23 yr old and 20 yr old daughters can't stand me, the ex wife is just plain trouble, and on top of it all the younger of the two daughters had to have major surgery... I feel horrible for him... that he's having to go through all this. Yet at the same time, due to a medication i was on i completely lost my hearing for nearly a month, with some perminate loss now that i'm off the med. I'm taking a speech class this summer which is condensed, and i'm struggling more than i ever thought possible. Each speech i give i get a worse grade, this last one i got an F on. I have one more to go and I keep wondering if I should even bother. The subjects that keep being brought up in the speeches being given keep causing me to have flashbacks to the physical, sexual and emotional abuse my family put me through, my father keeps showing up... my mother is always telling me what a mistake i am, and I can't distance myself more from her or my neices might be at risk to my father... and all I can think is... is it really worth it? Am I worth it. All I really want to do is throw myself on the train tracks when i head home tomorrow afternoon... or better yet, take all the medications i can find at once. I've been drawing knives and swords with blood dripping off them, and writting over and over that i'm worthless and deserve to die while listening to the speeches the other students are giving. I've been trying everything I can to keep from doing something to myself. The dr.s and therapists in this area don't seem to care, much less have any interest in helping. And I don't know where to turn. I just want to curl up and not wake up. I even dream of being decapitated. Why should I keep resisting? Why should I continue to allow myself to be my father's toy just so my nieces won't have to be, especially since their parents won't let him near... or so they say... what's the point? is it worth it?