I don't want to live feeling like this for the rest of my life. Can't afford medication, can't get therapy, I don't know what to do about this. Eventually, maybe I can get those things. But I keep hearing about useless medication and therapy just not working. Even if it does help, I'll always be struggling. I've heard about people who have to deal with these feelings for decades, and I know I'll end up the same way. It's not just the depression, it's my anxiety. I'm always afraid, I can't even list my fears. I can't, I can't really explain everything, there's just too much wrong with me. I can't live like this, this isn't living. I don't want to always be struggling, but I don't want to die either. My fear of death is just a little stronger than my wish to stop hurting. But I'm getting worse. And now I just don't know if struggling is even worth it. I'm going to fucking die anyway.... Started rambling there, sorry. I'm having a bad time right now. Does anyone think it's worth it? Just, living I mean?