Sam - its a question we all ask at times - but your brave enough to actually ask it openly were I and others just ask it of my own self.
Maybe your asleep now - best place for a real bad bout of the depression - when the darkness hits hard - only sleep holds a solace for me.
Life does not seem to be worth it at times - but 'times' come and go - and sometimes we have good times in life. I'm sure you have at some point felt comfortable? Even if only for a brief time. Maybe for a few years.
What your missing right now is just that tiny bit of optimism that balances things. I get that myself and I'm flying without a moral code at that point! So - I try to hold onto any good thought!
This usually begins with one bad thought. Some of us have struggles behind us - issues - sometimes abuse or being unloved. Sometimes we get control of ourselves and think we got that past under wraps - then it hits us again and we have nobody to share it with.
like Total Eclipse says - with hep the pain CAN go away - and you have happy days ahead even now in your darkest hour they are waiting for you - something, someone, some job, some people - a chance to be happy - I guess we all want to think of the happiest day of our life - but maybe we got a blank piece of paper sometimes!
As for the point of life and what is there at the end - we just don't know! Not really! Your too clever to have any other answer so I will not throw in my own beliefs.
Oh - ok then.
I don't think death is the end - and therefore killing myself is really pointless. Some might think that anyone who believed this would prefer whatever is next to this life - but I think this life is a short trial - seems forever, but eternity is a long time so rushing to get there means you can miss out on things that really will not happen again.
I think the point of this life is to have a moral code - to try to be kind when the world is going another direction and show empathy when many might kick others in the face for being down.
The world is almost 7 billion souls!
It can seem pointless when you ask what impact you can have.
But the truth is - even guys like me - might be strong but if there were not good people out there to help me - I'd crash and burn. Not like in a car! I mean emotionally - maybe spiritually also.
You have inspired me at times Sam when I've been down - I've noticed that you care a lot - and if you think that does not matter - please understand it is a lifeline!!!
Your not being here makes the world a less nicer place.
That's why we kind of tolerate all this pain. To help others as much as ourselves.
I wish you well and hope tomorrow will see you feeling a bit better.