Is it worth keep fighting like a warrior?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by nicesinging1, Jan 18, 2008.

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  1. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    As of Jan. 1st this year, my war against severe depression and traumas have passed 10 year mark. To put it bluntly, I feel utterly devastated and hopeless that I am still struggling.
    When I started the war at 16, I really felt I could overcome depression and be set free from all these mental tortures within 10 yrs. That is what motivated me to keep fighting when I just felt like collapsing and ending my life.
    Now, the grim reality is that I am still struggling in a war against severe depression and trauma at 26. I feel exhausted and worn out to even think about the word, "depression."
    Can anyone please help me on what I should do at this point? Do I really have any good options? I feel dizzy when I even picture about keep fighting and continuing life through these miseries and tortures.
    I really need good advice desperately. Thanks in advance for any insights.

  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Things could get better Hank, but then again you may have to keep on fighting for another 10 years. I don't know how long it will take for you to overcome your depression. Have you gone out with some friends lately? Don't lose faith in God Hank. He won't give you more than you can handle.
  3. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Of course it's worth fighting for. How long and how hard you try depends on you as a person and what you value in life. If you really don't care about yourself and other people then no it is not worth fighting for, however if you want to feel better and have hopes and aspirations, then it is and will be very much worth it. It goes without saying that regardless of what you believe friends and family might think about you, if you were gone it would affect them.
    Hang in there fella.
  4. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    what have you tried to do so far to overcome? Is there any reason for your depression or is it all a bit of a mystery?
  5. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    I have tried cognitive-behavioral therapy and group therapy along with anti-depressants. I have had limited success.
    The reason for my depression stems from my bad childhood. I have had to endure very severe depression, traumas, PTSD, OCD, etc... Sometimes depression attacks me out of nowhere and completely makes my good day into miserable day.
    I know it is my decision on what to decide on my life but I am still at standstill.
    One side of my mind is saying, "Stop dreaming! Haven't I suffered enough? If I couldn't overcome it in 10 yrs, what makes me think I can overcome it in the future?"
    Another side of my mind is saying, "Is there still a hope? Is miracle possible? Can I still find a way out of this to go on living life and achieving my dreams?"
    It is a dilemma.
  6. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Hey...woah i have to say you are an inspiring person, battling for 10yrs, i guess i have done the same but the first 5 i was in denial so i'm not counting those. I have thought the same thing, battle, battle, battle, all the time. It becomes exhausting i totally understand! Yeh and sometimes my mind wanders down the....'will this last forever' path. But i think instead at this 10yr mark you should look at how far you have come. Ok so you may still have deep depression but were there any high points? You must have graduated high school right? (i'm english so forgive me if that is the wrong terminology) have friends? a job? a family?? You have so much strength and will power that you have survived through so much! That is inspiring!!
    For some reason i'm thinking of a late bus analogy, how if it doesn't turn up you will wait 10minutes but after that start to think, ''mmm...well should i walk home?? but then it may come in the next 5"" so you wait and it doesn't turn up but by this point you think "well i might as well wait around for the next one"" - prehaps you are at that mid point? I'd wait for the next bus......:rolleyes: ouch sorry that was an awful analogy but i would keep fighting till there is absolutely no strength left. Please don't give up!!!
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Never give up Hank. I know that you can beat this. Life is a battle even for people who are not going through depression. It's just how life is. You just have to be strong and have faith in God and keep fighting.
  8. arrrgh

    arrrgh New Member

    yes it is worth fighting for, bro

    i have had to endure extreme hellish states of pointlessness and seeing that things are rotten to the core
    i recently had the worst experience (because of its intensity combined with prolonged duration) i have ever had
    it lasted for days
    as the feelings got worse i was standing near a cliff (no i didn't drive to the cliff to jump off it), and the feeling that i was experiencing was hellish to say the least, but i didn't jump.
    and if that is not enough i have ongoing bodily problems, blocked ears, dodgy sight, breathing problems...etc
    and my mind makes heavy tortureous associations when in less conscious states
    it is friggin hell, to put it mildly

    the only solution i can see is to practice detaching from the feelings and thoughts (good and bad) and watch them arise and cease
    i know that is easier said than done, but it is possible even if it lasts for days (you will notice that it fluctuates - do not attach to that either)
    if you own happiness then you will also own suffering

    At to top it all off i am a nice person with good intentions towards other beings

    last night i dreamed i was trying to hold the door shut, but a super evil human figure with the most evil eyes broke through (i know i could have tried harder) with some sort of meat cleaver and started to slice me vertically.

    prayers to god (that i used to believe in) do not work
    pretty dam sure god has wiped his hand of all response-ability
    i think the devil, satan, mara... is the god of this realm and it is our job to get the hell out of it (break all ties to it) so that we have the chance to create the world that we want for ourselves, rather than living in some dungeon masters torture chamber

    whatever we react to, we have made ourselves subject to
    listen to music for happiness? you have made it your master and the switch can be flicked to the otherside at anytime

    if you drop your sword and sheild (ability to remain detached as well as aware of what is happening) pick them back up as soon as possible

    if you can find someone (with deserving trust) that will listen to you that is also good.
    but becareful that you don't take anything unwholesome from them,

    all i can think of for a reason, for this hell that i have being subject to , is that i must have been a pretty bad bugger in a previous life.

    untill we sort out our sh!t we are subject to temptations

    i have lost neary $100k
    are getting sprayed trails comming out from non commercial jets
    our drinking water (not to mention the food) is poisoned
    as well as that i get random hellish bodily sensations
    the god of this world is the torture master

    but in my heart i know there must be a way out.

    when you are feeing in a bit of a better mood, i recommend watching monty python's Life of Brian.

    words have limitations, and are at best, signposts
    at worst, they control willing subjects

    hope you got something useful from that

    if you want to discuss

  9. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    You know my view on it Hank. You need to find that outlet. Just that it doesn't seem possible until you do. Especially if you've already tried things like meds and therapy. There's a full array of options but you really must speak to someone who knows them well like a physchologist who can talk to you and direct you into the right path for it maybe.
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