Is it worth mainting this friendship?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Shi, May 19, 2010.

  1. Shi

    Shi Active Member

    Hello,

    I (female) would love some advice from people, because I don't know what to do.

    I have this friend (male), we know each other for 7/8 years now. We are now in our twenties. I must say we are both difficult people and had many arguments in the past. Nevertheless he told me that if I need something I can always speak with him and he would always be there for me. When he had a girlfriend who was jealous of me, it was the girlfriend who had to go.

    So far so good. I know that I am not an easy going person and because of my childhood I mistrust almost everyone and I am very egoist at some times. He is also pretty egoistigic and stiff.

    My problem is: Even though he says I could always speak to him about anything, I feel that he is not the right person I would like to talk to if it was about problems or past experience. He made some stupid remarks in the past, about very sensitive things.

    Plus it's the way he speaks to me. For example he told me " I DEMAND of a friend that he be 100% trustworthy."...how on earth can he demand anything when he himself is not trustworthy and I also have my pride. Speaking to me like this is not acceptable.

    On another occasion he told me that he had broken with another "friend" and said to me:" I have given her more chances then I would have given to you because she is younger..." He has been talking about " Chances" quite often and I finally replied that if he would speak like this to me once more I would draw my consequences. I told him that he can behave to other ppl like an emperor or Pasha but not to me.

    And here I am now. What should I do? Of course 7/8 years is something, but how can you have a friendship if one is always talking about "Chances". for me this is not a friendship. I am not going around telling my REAL friends "Ok yeah you have made a mistake, you have another 2 chances...". Plus, if I think that he is not as trustworthy as he thinks he is, and I will never speak about someting important because of that, what good is this friendship for in the end.

    I am not even looking forward to visit him anymore, I can barely stand spending one day with him. Evertime I have to deal with him, its like a fight for me, hearing his name alone makes me aggressive.

    It was better at the very beginning, but apparently he does not feel that way. He still wants to see me and talk to me, and wants to know what I am doing, but I dont want to tell him anything anymore. He does not seem to realize how serious it is.

    My mother said I should maintain the friendship. I know a good friend isn't something you find everyday, but would a good friend really behave like he does???
     
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    See... I see pretty much anyone I can get along with as being a 'friend' < it doesn't necessarily mean you have to be best friends. You think about them from time to time, treat them well when you're together and talk once in awhile... it's natural for alot of friends to part ways and become distanced after they are finished highschool but it doesn't mean you don't have to be friends at all anymore.

    If you feel that his friendship is somehow damaging you mentally... but you still like him as a friend and have all of that history- you don't need to stop being friends completely. Cutting that bond is painful as well. I wouldn't do it unless he was the type of person to hurt you all the time... but it sounds like you two argue and he just hurts your pride, yes?
    I think you can make new friends. Just hang out with him a bit less as time goes by and it will only feel natural for you to be around other people.

    ...do I make any sense?
    Anyway...I don't think it's necessary for you to stop being friends completely- but it might be best for you to move aside and find some new friends. positive friends. people who you don't have to argue with and who trust you as a friend.
     
  3. Shi

    Shi Active Member

    Well the thing is I only use the word for very special people. People I just get along with are not my "friends", I like them but that's it. In some regard he is what i would excpect from a friend. He said he would take the train in the middle of the night to get to me.(It's 7 hours).

    But on the other hand, a friendship can only work out for him, when everyone obeys him, thats how I feel it. I am not going to bow to him.

    It propbably sounds like he is "just" hurting my pride, but it is much more. Words are like knifes sometimes. They will leave scars. Trust me much has happend to make me think about whether or not it would make sense to end this friendship.

    If I want to stop this friendship it will be completely. He is not a person were you can be friends a bit, its all or nothing.

    The thing is because I am always away we dont even hang around a lot with each other, 4-6 times in a year at the moment and still I have the feeling I am so annoyed by the presence of his very name.

    But you are right, I need to find new people, POSITIVE people. The only thing he ever talks about is negative things. Yeah I will keep a distance to him, but sooner or late it will be all or nothing.