is it worth trying to make amends?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by minion, May 27, 2008.

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  1. minion

    minion Well-Known Member

    It has always been drilled into my head, since I was a young child, that you should never hold grudges against anyone, or for anything. To me that is easier said than done. I’ve been burned so many times in the past, I can’t really take a person’s word for granted. Promises are meant to be broken even before they are finished being promised.

    These last couple of months, things haven’t been going all that well between me and my family. I used to love them, would have done anything for them. Now, not so much. I can’t stand the idea of being around them. Family gatherings and even random meetings at the store have become too painful at time. I know that they say distance makes the heart grow founder, but I don’t think that is the case with me.

    My family hurt me…in more ways than one. Taking the side of my abusive brother was the last straw for me. I told my mom to pick which side of the argument she wanted to be on, and she took my brother’s. So that Monday morning, I was gone. Haven’t been home since, and that’s been over a year now.

    But I know that it’s wrong to hate your family for what they have done. Is it worth trying to make amends with them? To only make amends then get burned again when they hurt you again. Is it worth putting my emotions out there to get stomped on? I just simply do not know.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I think it's worth the effort it if helps you. Dont do it for them. But if it will help you find closure on the matter then please do. Your family may never be what you need or want. But you cant spend your life feeling guilty for your actions and leaving. So maybe rather than amending things, just take an oppurtunity to atleast let them know how you truly feel and leave it at that. If they want to try and make things better you have given them a chance to pick up the "olive branch" and do in kind. If they dont then you are atleast no worse off then where you started from. Either way hun, you can rest easier about it knowing you did what you had to do. Good luck.
     
  3. minion

    minion Well-Known Member

    Space is what they need. I've given up really trying to make them understand. It's more like giving a cobra CPR. You kinda don't really want to do that.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Forgiveness is for ourselves...it allows us to be free of the entanglements of past rage and sadness...I often wonder if there are things that are 'unforgiveable' as I still have probs forgiving my parents for yrs of abuse and torture...I continue to work on this each day, as I see it as something that would benefit me greatly...all the best, J
     
  5. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    My understanding of amends is make them for us, first and foremost, and then let it go. If the person you are making amends to cannot accept them, that is their problem, not yours. As long as you are heartfelt in your amends, that is the best you can do. Making them is not an invitation to re-fight the entire issue again, but simply to apologize for your part and let it go.
    My way of not holding grudges is to know that as long as I'm agonizing over past hurts, that person still is controlling me and quite often they don't even give a shit that I'm still twisted about it. And also to know that often the pain they caused me isn't really about me, but their own reaction to their own pains and memories and I just happened to be the one standing in front of them at the time. But I have to know in my heart that I hadn't done anything wrong, if not then I had to make my specific apology.
    kD
     
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