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Is it worth waiting for the one who will like you from the very beginning?

Lonelygirlfn

Well-Known Member
#1
Who will find you honestly attractive from the start?
Who will be sincere and honest with you?
Someone with whom you can have a smooth-sailing relationship?

Is it worth waiting for that? Or is this just an illusion and really unlikely to happen?
And in conclusion not really worth waiting for in life?

Looking forward for your answers..
 

Winslow

My Toughest Problem Has Been Solved.
SF Supporter
#2
Who will find you honestly attractive from the start?
Who will be sincere and honest with you?
Someone with whom you can have a smooth-sailing relationship?

Is it worth waiting for that? Or is this just an illusion and really unlikely to happen?
And in conclusion not really worth waiting for in life?

Looking forward for your answers..
To answer your question, I would say No. "No" in the sense that you should not feel desperate. Because based on my own personal experience, I was not looking for any relationship at all. But it was then when I got one. This was an experience totally Unfamiliar to me, but I went with the flow because it was so enjoyable and fun. Then at some point, the other person got too passionate so it scared me and eventually my resistance to it made the relationship peter out. Luckily, my Buddhism had taught me to not form emotional attachment so there was no heartbreak at all. No hard feelings at all but instead we parted amicably.

Of course during the relationship there were emotions but not emotional attachment. There is a difference between emotions and emotional attachment. It is a very subtle difference that can be understood only if you practice Buddhism.

In closing, don't feel desperate. Because desperation makes you look needy, which is a definite turn-off to potential mates. As the saying goes, opposites attract. So if you don't look for a partner, then the partner will find you. After all, that's how it happened to me.
 

JDot

Believe
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Honestly I'd stay the hell away from romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are a great way to be miserable. There's nobody you can count on in life but yourself. Plus you'll have a much easier time finding a needle in a haystack than finding a partner who will not cheat the second they have a chance. And no relationship these days lasts, which defeats the whole point. They're just a waste of time. You also can't be yourself in a relationship. You're too busy being who the other person wants you to be. And you can't have peace in a relationship. Everything you say and do is done with the worry that the other person will misinterpret your actions and intentions. And 99% of the time they do indeed misinterpret them. The truth is there's no such thing as a healthy romantic relationship. Anyone who thinks they are in a healthy relationship is delusional.
 

seabird

meandering home 🦢☔️
SF Supporter
#4
It's fine to have an idea of what romance and relationship will feel like for yourself. Like a fiction book. But there isn't any relationship that will have non-stop smooth sailing. It's when the shiny newness has faded that 2 people devote themselves either to work on being friends and partners or not. It's those who can flex and be comfortable with changes that inevitably come who have a chance of long term togetherness.
 
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#5
Who will find you honestly attractive from the start?
There are lot of successful couples who started off not liking or feeling attracted to each other. I think it's ok to want immediate attraction, but it doesn't always have to work that way.
Someone with whom you can have a smooth-sailing relationship?
I'm not a relationship expert, but my 2 cents is that the formula for a successful relationship is to start with a basic level of compatibility. Compatibility means you're willing and able to give the other person all of what they need, and at least some of what they want, and they're able to do the same for you. If you actually enjoy giving each other the things you want and need, then the level of compatibility is even higher.

Compatibility is just a measure of the potential of the relationship to go well. There's always some level of friction or difficulties, and there needs to be communication and mutual effort to make the relationship work. If there isn't a high level of compatibility, then one person in the relationship usually has to end up making a sacrifice if they want the relationship to continue.

Using the sailing analogy, let's say you and another person want to sail to an Island together. If you are in agreement about where you want to go (shared goals), and you have a great sail boat that's stocked with all the supplies you need (compatibility), that's a great start. You still have to work hard and communicate, and sometimes make sacrifices to sail the boat and weather the storms. An inexperienced crew that doesn't communicate and doesn't work hard can still get lost or sink a boat in fair weather. A skilled crew that works together can get even a shoddy boat safely to port even in rough weather. There are however storms that are severe enough to sink almost any boat.

Ok that analogy was a little corny, but kind of fun :)

Who will be sincere and honest with you?
I think sincerity and honesty are important and it's reasonable to expect those things.

I think romantic relationships can be great for some people, but you can also find meaning and happiness without a relationship. Not everyone is cut out for it, but at least some people can be just fine living single.
 
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Dante

Git
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#6
Who will find you honestly attractive from the start?
Who will be sincere and honest with you?
Someone with whom you can have a smooth-sailing relationship?

Is it worth waiting for that? Or is this just an illusion and really unlikely to happen?
And in conclusion not really worth waiting for in life?

Looking forward for your answers..

There is no entirely "smooth-sailing" relationships. People are people, we all have unique views and habits and vices, and they will grate against each other given enough time no matter what your relationship is, especially when you're tired or had a bad day. There will be arguments and misunderstandings and hurt feelings, but in the good relationships these are always just bumps in the road that you learn from, adjust for and forget at the end of the day.

I have always waited for the right person. I had 1 girlfriend as a teenager and it was a train-wreck, so I waited. Im now 33 and I found "her" 2 years ago. Im glad I waited for her rather than settling ^^
 

Auri

🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#7
Honestly I'd stay the hell away from romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are a great way to be miserable. There's nobody you can count on in life but yourself. Plus you'll have a much easier time finding a needle in a haystack than finding a partner who will not cheat the second they have a chance. And no relationship these days lasts, which defeats the whole point. They're just a waste of time. You also can't be yourself in a relationship. You're too busy being who the other person wants you to be. And you can't have peace in a relationship. Everything you say and do is done with the worry that the other person will misinterpret your actions and intentions. And 99% of the time they do indeed misinterpret them. The truth is there's no such thing as a healthy romantic relationship. Anyone who thinks they are in a healthy relationship is delusional.
Damn. That's a LOT of delusional happy couples out there.
 

Dante

Git
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#8
Honestly I'd stay the hell away from romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are a great way to be miserable. There's nobody you can count on in life but yourself. Plus you'll have a much easier time finding a needle in a haystack than finding a partner who will not cheat the second they have a chance. And no relationship these days lasts, which defeats the whole point. They're just a waste of time. You also can't be yourself in a relationship. You're too busy being who the other person wants you to be. And you can't have peace in a relationship. Everything you say and do is done with the worry that the other person will misinterpret your actions and intentions. And 99% of the time they do indeed misinterpret them. The truth is there's no such thing as a healthy romantic relationship. Anyone who thinks they are in a healthy relationship is delusional.
Then count me delusional. Happy and delusional.

That being said... you did say one thing I cannot completely deny... You cant always be yourself in a relationship, rather a filtered version. not all side of ourselves are palatable.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#9
Who will find you honestly attractive from the start?
Who will be sincere and honest with you?
Someone with whom you can have a smooth-sailing relationship?

Is it worth waiting for that? Or is this just an illusion and really unlikely to happen?
And in conclusion not really worth waiting for in life?

Looking forward for your answers..
I believe if you want it, it is absolutely worth having all the things you mentioned.

Is it worth waiting for them? I don't think they always happen randomly, so most often you need to help your luck by "looking" for people, but yes, it's worth it.

Is it worth waiting for the "perfect" super-sociable top model who will write poem books for you and have the exact same interests as you? (this is just an example of some unrealistic expectations) No.

Is it worth waiting for an unhealthy relationship? No.

Just my opinion. :) Take good care of yourself. Hugs.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#10
I believe if you want it, it is absolutely worth having all the things you mentioned.

Is it worth waiting for them? I don't think they always happen randomly, so most often you need to help your luck by "looking" for people, but yes, it's worth it.

Is it worth waiting for the "perfect" super-sociable top model who will write poem books for you and have the exact same interests as you? (this is just an example of some unrealistic expectations) No.

Is it worth waiting for an unhealthy relationship? No.

Just my opinion. :) Take good care of yourself. Hugs.
Fine message, positive and upbeat. :)

I don't believe I am right for anybody and nobody is right for me, but I admit to loving solitude, peace and quiet too much to really like being around other folks except in small doses hopefully spaced out a bit at a time.
 

JMG

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
#11
Interesting topic, thank you for posting it. I don’t believe there is a “one size fits all” answer for things like this, because relationships are such complex things. It depends on a lot of things but I will answer the questions you asked here anyway :)

Is it worth waiting for the one who will like you from the very beginning?
Yes, I believe it is always worth waiting to find someone who truly likes you. I also think, as others have said here, that it isn’t always the case that you’ll like someone “from the very beginning” like sometimes it takes time to “grow” like it happens in all kinds of different ways because of whatever the needs of each person are, how well their needs “match” together, how their combined power/energy mix together, and also how well they express their thoughts/feelings and how well they communicate. That is soo important and that it be done in a way that is honest, but not tactless. I think romantic relationships especially really force a person to be a lot more gentle (if they aren’t naturally that way) because the more effort that is made to do that as much as possible, the less likely it will be that any kinds of “toxic” kinds of patterns will start.


Who will find you honestly attractive from the start?
I think this aspect isn’t as important as so many people seem to believe it to be. I mean yes there has to be some physical attraction, but if that is there then the rest will absolutely come down to “everything else that is ultimately much more important”.

Who will be sincere and honest with you?
This one is important for sure because you need to be able to trust the person who you are more intimate with than any other, but the “honesty” factor needs to be handled with extreme care. It needs to be kept as positive, loving, kind and tactful as it possibly can. The clearer you can be with what you are “being honest about” the better, but always with as much thoughtfulness and tact as you can. To communicate and be “honest” in a thoughtless or too blunt kind of way will make it much more likely that the person will react defensively and then that usually ends up leading to destructive words or even actions happening.

Someone with whom you can have a smooth-sailing relationship?
As some others have said here, there’s no such thing as a relationship that is smooth sailing all the time, but if this is meaning more just “more often than not” then yes I believe the better people communicate about things the more things will be smoother in the relationship overall.

Is it worth waiting for that? Or is this just an illusion and really unlikely to happen?
And in conclusion not really worth waiting for in life?

The answer to the first of those 3 questions, for me, is yes. (For the 2nd and 3rd ones, no). When you do find a true, deepest, most powerful and lasting love, it makes all the misery and suffering that might have been felt for years before, worth it. The healing power of love is beyond compare with any other feeling in this world. It is best to always keep the faith alive with it no matter how bleak you feel your romantic future might be looking. There is always hope so please never give up. An open heart will always have a higher chance of finding another open heart to share the deepest most powerful love with. Be as gentle and loving with yourself as you can possibly be, as much as you can possibly be because in learning to be kinder and more loving to yourself, you will be better equipped to give that same highest level of energy to another person too. The person who is like that too, you will always want to give that to them anyway because it will literally be painful NOT to. That is how it is for me anyway :)
 
#12
Honestly I'd stay the hell away from romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are a great way to be miserable. There's nobody you can count on in life but yourself. Plus you'll have a much easier time finding a needle in a haystack than finding a partner who will not cheat the second they have a chance. And no relationship these days lasts, which defeats the whole point. They're just a waste of time. You also can't be yourself in a relationship. You're too busy being who the other person wants you to be. And you can't have peace in a relationship. Everything you say and do is done with the worry that the other person will misinterpret your actions and intentions. And 99% of the time they do indeed misinterpret them. The truth is there's no such thing as a healthy romantic relationship. Anyone who thinks they are in a healthy relationship is delusional.
I am in a healthy relationship, and I am not delusional. Furthermore I have been happily married for over 25 years. We've had many arguments and not everything has been smooth but I'd say that was 0.1% of the time or less. Neither of us has ever cheated. JDot, I'm sorry you've had bad experiences.

Unfortunately our lives have not been easy due to gruelling struggles in other areas. But we still have each other.
 
#13
Who will find you honestly attractive from the start?
Who will be sincere and honest with you?
Someone with whom you can have a smooth-sailing relationship?

Is it worth waiting for that? Or is this just an illusion and really unlikely to happen?
And in conclusion not really worth waiting for in life?

Looking forward for your answers..
Yes it is worth waiting for. I was willing to spend my life single if needed, rather than have a crappy relationship like the one I had ended.

Unfortunately life itself is not smooth. I found true love, but life was cruel to us on many fronts and of course that does create some stress in the relationship. However I'm still glad I have him.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#14
Everyone agrees there is no storybook love in life. Relationships are hard work. You might fall head over heels for someone and love them. But that doesn’t mean they will love you the same. Relationships are compromises, sacrifices, and teamwork.
 

Ziggy

Antiquitie's Friend
#15
Is it worth getting a cat? It depends on whether you like cats or not.
Is it worth waiting for someone who will be sincere and honest with you? Maybe but how long will they be sincere and honest with you?
I don't think there's an answer to this question. I was going to say that life depends upon luck but then Waves just rightly posted that it requires effort.
So effort and luck then.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#16
Is it worth getting a cat? It depends on whether you like cats or not.
Is it worth waiting for someone who will be sincere and honest with you? Maybe but how long will they be sincere and honest with you?
I don't think there's an answer to this question. I was going to say that life depends upon luck but then Waves just rightly posted that it requires effort.
So effort and luck then.
Oh yes. Luck. Just luck that the boss let you slide instead of repriming you. Lucky that did not crash after fishtailing. Lucky that got hired. Lucky that did not get fired. Lucky that cop did give you a ticket. Lucky that met a good person. Lucky that abided evil. Lucky that no cancer. Lucky
 

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