Is it wrong to hate your brother?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Growing Pains, Jun 19, 2012.

  1. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Before you judge me, hear me out.

    I'm just sick and tired of him. I'm sick and tired of the way he treats me. I'm sick and tired of the way he treats my mother. I'm sick and tired of the way he treats his girlfriend. I'm sick and tired of the way he scares my dogs. He has no respect for other peoples property. He has punched holes in our walls, he has literally destroyed his door, he has broken my mothers belongings. He breaks everything. He does not care whether it is his, he does not care how important it was to the other person. He does not even care that this house is a rental and every hole in the wall will have to be paid for from his mothers pocket when we move out. He literally smashed the window in his room to pieces because he slammed his head through it. Over what? His girlfriend had spoken to another guy. That's it. He loses his temper over the most trivial, most childish things. I'm sick of walking on egg shells around him. Heaven forbid we complain about the fact that he tries to eat us out of house and home (five meals a day, plus snacks in between) knowing well that we do not have the money to support his bad dieting habits. Once we dare say anything about it, he'll yell, scream, throw things, and threaten to hit someone. He plays a red headed step child act. If he is singled out, it's no ones doing but his own. He makes everyone miserable. My dogs are afraid of him, my mother is afraid of him, I'm sick and tired of his temper. I'm sick and tired of him. He will get in your face and yell at you over nothing. He blames my mother for his not going back to school. I dropped out, too. I didn't sit on my butt all day once I turned eighteen and complain about not having an education. I got off said butt and walked said butt to the community college that is literally only a couple miles away and I did something about it. He could just as easily do something about it, but he chooses not to. And he does not blame that choice on himself. He blames it on everyone else. He seems to think that no one has problems but him. He tells us that we're happy, that we don't understand what it's like to be depressed, that we've never had problems in our lives. Yet, I have self harmed since middle school (not a secret from the family, by the way), I have been to therapy, I'm on a suicide forum (secret, but whatever) and my mother has been on anti-depressants, has been an in-patient, is an alcoholic, and has been depressed since before he was even a twinkle in her eye. He is self centered, he is arrogant, he is temperamental, he is every single freaking trait that I loathe. He cannot see past his tiny little box that he has been living in for his eighteen years. The only thing he can see is what he feels. The only thing he cares about is what he feels. I'm sick of him. He wonders why the dogs don't like him. Why they hide from him, or bark at him. He's too freaking stupid to see that it's because he's nothing more than a temperamental jerk.

    /end rant
     
  2. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    If it makes you feel any better, I hate my brother too, and he's not this bad. Just because you share common DNA, does not mean you have to like one another, and does not mean you are default friends.
    The way I see it, if my brother and I were not related, I would have nothing to do with him because he is a pompous, conceded, condescending jackass... therefore, I feel no need to have anything to do with him even though we are related. If I would not choose you as my friend under other circumstances, I will not choose you as my "family". I've chosen my friends wisely, and I've also chosen my family; I'm much happier since I made these choices in my life and washed my hands of those toxic relationships.
     
  3. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    It's definetly not wrong to hate your brother. My brother can be such an a**whole. At times he can be such an angel, and others you just want to smash his head into a wall. But at the end of the day I still love him.
     
  4. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Sorry this reply is late. It's been hectic with family drama, my sister's pregnancy, depression, etc.

    Thanks for the replies, though. I guess in some strange way it feels good to hear that it's not wrong. Don't get me wrong, at the end of the day he'll always be my brother. There is a bond there, I just feel that it's weakened over the past year. You really don't have to like someone just because you share DNA. I do want the best for him, and I'd hope he knows that. But there will always be a part of me that feels so much... anger toward him. I'd say I hope he gets the help he needs, but I'd feel hypocritical since I myself haven't. It's just really hard to ignore the fact that all the drama, all the stress occurs mostly when he is thrown into the mix. I like to think I choose my friends wisely, too. I try to, anyway. I do have to say that I have one friend that is more like a sibling to me than my brother is.
     
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    To be honest the 5 meals a day with snacks in between is how a person should eat because it keeps up your metabolism. As long as the food choices are healthy. But I get what you're saying. My brother has bullied me my entire life until I got older and I hated him for it for a long time. He did apologize eventually but he still says really mean stuff sometimes. Thing is, he doesn't realize it hurts. Otherwise I don't think he would do it. So I don't really hold it against him anymore. But I still despise my grandmother with every aspect of my being. She was emotionally and sexually abusive to me, and is still an all around horrible person and doesn't seem to understand why. If she died, I don't even think I'd be upset in the slightest. Same thing with my step-dad. He's an arrogant ass and has been nothing but a total jerk to me, and I don't understand why my mother is with him at all. Point is, it's not really wrong to hate someone whom you feel has hurt you really badly. But the real question is, who is it hurting to have that hate inside you? Probably you more than him, right? He really may have some sort of serious mental problems though, such as a mood or personality disorder or both. I know first hand how devastating addiction can be, as my fiancée is a recovering *knock on wood* heroin addict. It's more than possible that your mother's alcoholism has affected both you and your brother. Not trying to say your mother is to blame, addiction is really horrible and devastating and I have tons of compassion for addicts and what they go through...just saying it could be one of the reasons why all this is happening. It may help to go to AlAnon meetings. They help the families of addicts to cope.
     
  6. Raichupuppy

    Raichupuppy Active Member

    Well it's completely normal to hate your brother. Mine's an annoying freshman and I loathe him.