Is it wrong to hope, or am I wrongly relying?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lamet, Apr 7, 2009.

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  1. lamet

    lamet New Member

    Ever since I can remember I was depressed. By the time I was 15 I already tried and failed to commit suicide 4 times. One night when i was 14 i came home with alcohol poisoning and had to be hospitalized. Thats when i told my parents that i was a self injurer. I thought things would be better then. I hoped that someone would care and do something, but it was kinda pushed to the side. I met my husband when i was 15 and got married last year. I thought that this would end my depression and that i would be happy for the first time, but now i realize i was wrong again. Dont get me wrong, i love him to death. It's just no matter how much he tries to tell and show me how much he cares, i cant let myself believe him. I just think he is crazy for even claiming to care as much as he says he does. Its not just him its everyone. its my whole family, everyone i know. I feel like the biggest inconvienence and a screw up. it seems lie everything that i want in life i have to fuck up. i cant even write what i feel. I feel wrong for relying on my husband to make me happy and better when we got married. I dont think he realizes how much i did rely on him and i know its not his fault. I just feel like a horrible person for putting that on someone. I've never openely said this to him or any one for that matter. i just feel let down. ever since i can remember i would say "things will be better when..." and now its like i have no hope. i feel like things will be better when i dont wake up. sleep is the only peacefull time and i just wish i could stop breathing. sorry for the rant. i dont expect anyone to read it. but if you do... thanks
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey lamet,
    There is always hope..You have just lost sight of it..You should see a therapist, They can teach you coping skills and how not to discount your positive thoughts..It takes time to build that bond between you and therapist.. Until you open up and spill your guts they can't prepare a treatment plan.. Also don't think it is an instant cure.. You have alot of issues that need to be addressed..It took my two years to disclose everything to mine. Now I am in year three and can see the changes I have made in my life.. Give it a go and see if it doesn't help,,Take Care!!
     
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