Is it wrong?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by AngelofPainandMisery, Oct 4, 2015.

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  1. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    Is it selfish to want just a little attention, just enough so that you feel like someone cares in the slightest? Is it wrong to question why you deserve to live day in and day out in so much pain, becuase of all the mistakes you've made? Is it selfish to want someone to think you are interesting and care about you? Is it selfish to say you don't deserve to live in so much pain? Is it selfish to want someone to talk to that you can trust? Is it wrong to want out of this prison even if you don't deserve it? Is it wrong to want to feel special or just even deserving of life? Is it selfish to care more about yourself than the millions of others who are so much worse off than you? Is it wrong to want to feel needed or important? Is it selfish to treat others the way you want to be treated and expect at least someone to treat you that way? It is cowardly to be afraid? Is it selfish to not want to be alone? Is it selfish to want to be wrong when things always turn out the way you know they will? Why is it me who always makes the mistakes and pays the price for years on end? Is it wrong to try so hard and want something good to come of it? Why is it always my fault, even if it is, is it wrong to wish it otherwise? Is it wrong to want to be someone else because you hate everything you are and find yourself so disgusting it's revolting to touch your own skin? Is it selfish to want something better when you don't deserve it? Why am I always either the exception to the rules or the only one bound by them? Is it so selfish to not want to feel invalidated? Is it so selfish to want honest praise for achievements? Is it so selfish to want to have supportive parents and even just one friend you can trust? Is it wrong to not want to be abandoned? Is it selfish to not want to be judged? Is it wrong to want to be yourself around others and not be judged? Is it wrong to ask for patience when you don't know what to do? Is it so much to ask to look and the mirror and at least like what you see? Is it so much to ask for the normal things everyone else has? Is it wrong to not want to be yelled at for every little thing? Is it so wrong to not want your hopes and dreams slaughtered when you think you can believe in something? Why is it so torturous to have hope?!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 4, 2015
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Its not wrong and its not selfish - its human. Its 'normal' for want of a better word.

    Its hard to know what to say - I went back to your last post about 10 times but you were so clear about what you DIDN'T want people to say, that I got glued up and couldn't seem to answer.

    I am trying to extrapolate that the situation is - you hate yourself, you have no friends, your parents are mad at you all the time... but who is judging you? And for what? What is your fault? Who has abandoned you?
     
  3. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    It might be normal, maybe it is for everyone else. But not for me, at least that's what it feels like and what has been my experience, but that's probably a really dumb reason.
    About my other post, I'm sorry. It probably wouldn't matter what I said or how I said it though. It would never come out right anyways, no matter how many hours I spent on it, so that's my fault. It was a stupid thing to do anyways, but then again I make stupid mistakes all the time. I just shouldn't have said anything.
    My parents aren't always mad at me but it's like walking on eggshells around them, you never know what your might say, do, or not do to set them off. One minute they are praising you, the next they are chewing you out for something you forgot to do or didn't do correctly, along with name calling and threats etc. But I'm probably blowing that out of proportion too, they probably aren't that bad, just really strict, and I probably deserve it.
    The judgement thing is really hard to explain and humiliating and I don't want to go into it. I'm just too different doesn't matter what I do, I'm never going to fit into the loosely defined normal or even the acceptable forms of normal and odd. I really should just get rid of my personality, there is nothing good about it and its too embarrassing, no one wants to deal with someone like that.
    Everything that has happened to me is my fault, if I hadn't made so many mistakes I wouldn't keep digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. So it doesn't matter what I do it just gets worse, and I have to live with the consequences of my stupidity. Which kind of leads to a really humiliating story having to do with that and my silly feeling of abandonment.
     
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