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is it wrong?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ih8orfans, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. ih8orfans

    ih8orfans Member

    i'm in year 10 at school (15 years old), i should be in year 11 but i moved school at the end of last year so i am doing the course again. there is a girl in my school in year 7 (11 years old), and i find her really attractive. shes nice, and shes quite mature, you wouldnt know she was in year 7. is it wrong for me to be attracted to her?
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    um... well, I guess you can't help who you are attracted to.
    It's a bit worrysome but as long as you know your limits, I don't see anything wrong with being attracted to her if you're not acting on impulses that you may get.

    The timing is just not right yet-- but one day in the future it will be.
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Yeah I would say that's wrong. Very wrong.
  4. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    the attraction itself i wouldnt say is wrong. we cant help who were attracted to, age or gender. acting on your feelings is when you might start to enter the grey area... i dont know that the timing is right since youre both still pretty young
  5. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    You're both minors, who cares.
  6. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Don't feel guilty about the attraction but you shouldn't even for one moment be considering any kind of relationship other than friendship with this person when she is at this age. I hope you understand why.
  7. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni


    Wow, I don't even really know what to say to that.

    An 11 year old with a 15 year old would be an obviously pedophilic relationship, but it's okay because the perpetrator is not 18?
  8. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    lol I think Datura was just kidding around. :)
  9. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    I'm not kidding. They are both children. She may be an 11 year old who has matured early, both physically and mentally. And he, on the other hand may be rather immature (which could play a role in this attraction).
    Now if she is a very obvious 11 year old with minimal development, the word pedophilic could be thrown around.
  10. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I have to say I agree with you on a certain level. When somebody is ready, then somebody is ready. No two ways about it. Nobody has anything to say about what someone else can or can't do in terms of the people he/she chooses to be with. That's why I don't believe in marriage, btw. Anyway, that aside, like I said; when someone is ready then someone is ready. What always irritates me is when I see parents who don't (want to) see that their children are ready and subsequently lock them up. :rolleyes:

    Anyway, in this case I'd say chances are very, very small that this girl has matured early. I mean eleven? Not very likely, imo.
  11. tkwu

    tkwu Active Member

    i'd say i agree with most of the others, don't beat yourself up about feeling the attraction, 11 is puberty but you absolutely shouldn't act on it, even if she claims she's ready she isn't and won't be for a long time
  12. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Grey area definately but 4 years ins't that big of a difference. But I guess in the early years it becomes an issue. I have dated people between the ages of (18-40) I am 26. Howver now a days my limit is usually 21 to 30.
  13. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I had a whole long post typed up and hit delete. So Im going to simplify my answer.. No, its not wrong to be attracted to this girl. Shes only 11 though so dont go acting on that attraction. If your really into this girl be her friend and if your still interested when shes a little older and more capable of handling a actual relationship then go for it.. At 11 girls are just starting to mature and at 15 your a little further down the maturity path then she is.. Dont push it..Dont beat yourself up over feeling attracted to her - you cant help who you find yourself drawn to - just be careful with your feelings so you dont get yourself into trouble somewhere down the road.
  14. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Or before you get others in trouble somewhere down the road, OP.
  15. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i would have to agree with the majority of the posts, dont beat yourself up for being attracted to her, but dont act upon it. let her mature more wait untill shes older. that way you cant get into any trouble now
  16. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I agree with everyone else, there's nothing wrong with the attraction you feel towards her, but to act on it wouldn't be appropriate. I had a friend in high school who was 16 who dated a girl who was 12 (same age gap just a year on) and at the time I thought it was a little perverted of him (and still do) but in the end the relationship didn't work out anyway. The girl, even though rather mature for her age (wearing make-up, going to gigs, staying out late) was still too much of a child and so very different from my friend, that it just didn't work out. He had to walk her home every time they went out, she couldn't go to the pubs or clubs or certain gigs he wanted to go to, her behaviour still resembled parts that were somewhat a child, he was growing up and going to college (he'd be 20 by the time she finally finished high school) so they wouldn't be able to spend much time together anymore, etc. So the possible pedophilic part aside, I still don't think it would work between you two. The developmental and lifestyle differences are just worlds apart. Young girls want to hang out with their best friends and laugh about boys and experience dating different people before sticking to a 'one man' lifestyle. You shouldn't take the full experience of her childhood away from her. Besides, I doubt it'd go down well with her parents.
  17. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I agree completely.
  18. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    I have a son whos 15 and is mature in some ways but not in others. Im sorry to say but I think your not mentally ready for any relationship at 15, let alone an 11 year old. ( Ive also got a 11 yr old). Yes you could be friends but other than that then NO.

    Sorry if I upset any one with my post- just personally think 15 and a 11 year old, big mistake in thinking of a relationship. When your an adult, 20/25 then 4 years isnt a big differance but mentally and physically there is at there age for you at 15.

    Could you just not be friends with her? Does she know you?
  19. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    In the long run a 4 year difference in age isn't really that much, but I'm probably thinking of a scenario where both people are past 30. Unfortunately even the slightest difference in age can matter a lot when both parties are minors. 4 years? That's probably a little bit too far. I'd advocate maybe just being a platonic friend.
  20. ih8orfans

    ih8orfans Member

    i never said, nor would i, act upon it, by the way.