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Is life worth living for people like me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by darkrider, Mar 6, 2009.

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  1. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    I can never really explain how I feel inside, not to my councilor, my doctor, or on here. At moments like now i'll sit here and begin sobbing.

    My life is just a personal hell basically.

    I AM alone in the world. I always have been.

    I'm gods lonely man and i'm born to suffer it seems.

    At 20 years old my room is my sanctuary. I have no real friends to see, and not enough confidence to make any. I have no job or studies.

    The subject of a job is what caused me to break down again actually. I started signing on at the job centre which is a horrible place, but I later phoned someone there for advise because I don't think I can meet their requirements of x number of applications per week (I didn't have the balls to speak up when I was there). She mentioned asking for a sick note so I in effect ask for incapacity benefits (illness benefits). I've mentioned this to my dad and he'll hear nothing of it. Instead i'm told to lie on my form (like everyone else apparently) about me applying for jobs when i'm actually not.

    I'm not quite sure why this caused me to break down again. I think it's the fact it's brought it all home that i'm mearly 'existing' instead of 'living'. At 20 years old I should be having a wonderful time at but instead i'm isolated and dragging myself to a place each week where the people are horrible and i'm lying through my teeth.

    I feel like a quiet lost soul whose being pushed around from pillar to post by society.

    It's the definition of my life. Where do I go from here, I don't know.

    I don't know how much more I can take.
  2. Empty_Bottle

    Empty_Bottle New Member

    You're not alone I'm 21 and feel the same way. I have friends and a job, but I still feel like I'm merely existing and not living. So those may not be the solutions you're looking for. You have to think that you are still here though so there must be some reason for it. The only one who can decide that reason is you though. As Charles Bukowski says there are far worse things than being alone. So find something you're interested in and go for it. You have no friends to lose, and if you do what you're passionate about the people that like you will actually like you and the that ones that don't actually won't. Lying through your teeth will be a thing of the past.
  3. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    i am in the same boat, i am 19 and have no job and no future aspirations to go to school because of my crippling panic attacks and my depression. i have no advice, sorry, but i understand.
  4. SadPandaBear

    SadPandaBear Well-Known Member

    I feel the loneliest when I know there is no one that can ever have a mind open enough to just listen.. and try to understand how I am feeling or what I am thinking.

    I would listen to you, and, I wouldnt judge.
  5. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I'm 25 and I'm the same.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have been Isolated to my bedroom for fifteen years, have no friends outside of the forum,Suffer from several different mental health problems..I have learned that I needed a regimine of different meds for the different problems (walking pharmacy). And I have been in therapy for three years.. I don't know if I will ever be able to work again.. My friends here on the forum and my therapist and meds keep me going..You are going to have to sit down and think about these things in your life..A therapist is my recommendation and the knowledge that it will take time will definitely help..
  7. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    As others i can just relate to everything you said,no advice,srry,...only i can give you is my time if you wanna talk:smile:
  8. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys.

    Though it doesn't make feel any better knowing there's other people in these situations. Wish I actually knew you in real life than over the net where I can never reach people.
  9. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Same here, I wish I could meet you guys here on SF in real life as well. At least we do have each other here on the internet at least, its still better than nothing. I'm more messed up than you guys as I find it very hard for myself to open up anywhere, to my parents, to you guys here, etc. so it will be very hard to get out of my deep depression and slump. I also feel like I"m only existing, not "living", my life so far has been extremely boring, empty and stagnant.

    I feel worse that we in our late teens and 20s are supposed to be having the time of our lives and yet we are so depressed and thinking about ending our lives at an early age. It makes me feel more crappy and guilty if that's the right word to describe it. I remember a few years ago I went to a cousin's party and some guys asked me how was college. I hated it and just replied "Its okay", and they said "Hey, your supposed to be having the time of your life!". That just pissed me off that I'm sorry I can't live up to your expectations, your stereotypes.

    But its not good that I'm already so sad and miserable this early in life, its only going to get worse later on so I have to fix my crappy life or kill myself soon. :sad:

    It is good to see there are others in my situation here, I mean I'm not glad you guys are suffering of course, but that if I can ever open up soon hopefully, I have at least several people here I can fully relate with and they can with me and we can give each other real support. Unlike my parents, my parent's families kids who will be compared to me, they all have NO IDEA what I'm going through, they are all so happy and normal whereas I am the black sheep of the family and neighborhood and have to put up a front that I am normal. Only one I have told that I am depressed and think of suicide is my dad. But since I keep telling him but have never actually harmed myself, he has actually told me several times that am I doing it just to gain attention from him? :(

    darkrider, I've also had the exact same question as you. Should I keep living on, is there still hope for a guy like me or should I end my life now before it just keeps getting worse and worse? Is it worth it for a guy like ME to keep living? I know the overwhelming majority will say to keep living on, that I will find happiness and things will get better. I really hope those guys are right and its my depression that is telling me I have no other options and there is no hope.

    I need to find that out quickly that if there is still hope and I should still continue to live. The reason is because I'm thinking I will kill myself before I turn 30 so what is the point of getting a good career, future proofing my life, making friends, getting a significant other, etc? If I can be absolutely sure that things will get better and I will not kill myself, then maybe I would get out of my slump and start improving my life now..........
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 7, 2009
  10. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    you have to make your life worth living. i know it's extremely hard & you might not see the point & can't be bothered but if you don't try & be positive about it how is it going to ever get better? now i'm not saying you're lazy or don't try, you just have to keep holding on & try even harder no matter how hard it gets & despite how much you want to give up. i don't know how else you can do it, i don't know the way to fix these problems of life but that is all i can say. lonliness is utterly hard i know.. but what are you interested in? you never know maybe if you apply to go to school or college & do something that makes you feel better about your self you can start socialising & making friends & that alone could make you enjoy life more. i hope things work out for you & you are feeling much better soon, i hope you get the enjoyment in life you deserve.
  11. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    I am and always have been islolated from society. Im 22, no friends, nothing, no confidence, living at home, I'm failing out of uni, no direction, no job, and every time I hear people laughing or having fun I think why cant I ever be happy like 'normal people' are, why am I (like you said- seem to be born to suffer a lonely existence) ..... but when I come on to this forum and can relate to so many other peoples experiences, even though its sad to know how many people out there are suffering. I feel not so alone. Which helps me to keep going in life no matter how sad and depressing it is....hopefully this isolation and loneliness cant last forever..
  12. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    It's funny, many people say forums like these make them feel they're not alone, but with me I still feel the same. I still feel alone, singular. It's just we've all been led to a similar position in life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2009
  13. alexander01

    alexander01 Active Member

    were all alone at all times.
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