Is looking good important to you?

Discussion in 'Appearance and Body Image' started by ghostangelcake7, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I just have been coming to a conclusion that my self care efforts are mostly in vain. I am pretty much dressing nicely and putting on makeup for no one to impress (and have been for awhile). My now ex-partner never noticed or cared how I dressed or complimented me, so I don't know why I bothered?

    I want to take care of myself for me, and because I want to feel healthy. I don't want attention, I just want people to want to get to know me and not worry about the clothes I wear or makeup, but see what is within that exterior. I feel like I use clothes and makeup as a front to not look too approachable. In other words, I dress 'out of my league' for a socially anxious, loner female. I don't know why I bother, because it never makes me feel confident and I don't gain anything out of doing this 'girly' stuff. I'm probably going to start being lower maintenance from now on cause it's too expensive to look impressive for no one that matters. I have wasted soo much money on clothes, accessories, shoes, blah blah blah just to 'fit in' when I don't even go out.

    So I guess I mean, I'm going to give up buying nicer, more expensive clothes, accessories or makeup because I'm truly frustrated that throughout my whole relationship, it never seemed to matter, he rarely even looked at me.

    Do you care much about the way you look to others?
    How do you stay motivated when no one else seems to care?
    Petal likes this.
  2. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I also constantly create diet plans and exercise plans to follow and otherwise am really addicted to finding healthy recipes to try, even though I eat sweets still and dairy and meat, I am trying to eat less of that, and more whole foods. I just really want to feel good inside now, not just put all my effort into my outward appearance, it hasn't got me anywhere...
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Honestly, at my age, I don't care anymore. I mean, I don't care what anyone thinks about my looks that is. I stopped wearing makeup years ago. In fact, tmi perhaps, but I don't wear a bra anymore either, too uncomfortable, if they sag, they sag. Having said that, I still try to do my hair in a nice way a few times a week, I wear perfume once in a while, and even though I live a "pajama life" (I don't work), I have nice pj's that fit me and make me feel good. The key is that it makes ME feel good. I really believe that you should do what feels good for you. I used to get dressed up for men, but the heck with that! Most of them don't really notice or if they do, they don't tell you. I know my bf appreciates when I do my hair and look nice, but he knows it's not all for him. I still dye my hair, but again, just for me because I don't want to look old. I've been grey since my 20's.

    I used to make diet plans and exercise plans I just eat well and try to avoid junk food and processed crap. I'm a food-lover and I love to look at new recipes and cook. Plus since I'm home all the time, I have time to cook and bake from scratch so I can control the ingredients. My exercise consists of walking the dogs and occasionally getting on my spinning bike but I'm not very strict. Yeah, I have a belly that won't shrink down, but I'm really fine with how I look and feel.
  4. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    Oh that's not tmi. I think bras are sooo iritating I just am just not exactly flat chested enough to feel 'secure' without one on (I'm a size C), sorry if that is tmi..
    I don't feel like I've got my face on until I got my makeup on..and I hate makeup, it doesn't feel good and is messy. It gets on my clothes and all over the place, but I continue it because I hate my dark circles (thanks genetics). I guess my attitude about my looks is going to relax alot more, being I'm single, unattached and I don't make a living being in the spotlight. I hope to maybe regain some enthusiasm towards self care, but I need to give it a rest. It's been stressing me out. Even when I was in the relationship, it didn't matter. He literally was too lax, gave me no real motivation to continue caring. I now could easily let myself go, piles on the pounds and let father time take it's course, but I still have alittle fight left in me. Just in case..
    Frances M likes this.
  5. Piexes

    Piexes Well-Known Member

    I can see how that would be frustrating, to have a guy who didn't care about looks, or at least didn't express it. I think this is rare though. I like looking and being looked at, it's fun. sensuality is fun. And attracting attention of random nice looking guys is fun, when I'm in the mood for it. I've been thinking lately about visual sensuality. fun!

    On the other hand I rely on it too much. I can't go out for a quick errand without putting on makeup, and I know that this is not good. I do it to deter hostility and I don't see beauty in my natural face. I used to not wear makeup, and people do treat you differently, especially men. I want to be strong enough to rely on inner things more. Beauty is a double edged sword. I envy women who don't bother presenting as feminine. Not that beauty is weak or that i'd ever demonize conventionally beautiful women, because it's complex, it's just anxiety inducing for me, and much of it is built on self-hatred, and narrow ideals, and hiding and illusion and misogyny.

    so it makes me happy but it also makes me sad and angry
    Thauoy, ghostangelcake7 and Frances M like this.
  6. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    It took me a while to feel comfy without one, I'm a D so they get in the way lol...I never want that contraption on me again!!! Though I do wear one when I go out, just so people don't stare. But really, that's maybe a few times a month. And I do wear a sports bra when I walk the dogs because we go up the mountain and I need that support. I think that taking care of yourself is so vital. It's not for men though, it's for your confidence. When you look good, you feel good and vice versa. Boosting your confidence will help you feel the good feelings again, maybe help with the numbness you mentioned in another post. When I stopped working, I stopped wearing makeup completely because I was so depressed that it didn't really matter anymore, I got used to it and now I feel weird if I put makeup fact, I don't think I have any in the house anymore. I don't use nail polish either. I have definitely gained some weight, but I don't think I've given up, I just feel okay. Or maybe I just don't really care? Whichever it is, it doesn't bother me so I guess that's what counts!
    Thauoy and ghostangelcake7 like this.
  7. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    It's nice to get a look from a guy now and then, I will admit to that. Gosh Lillium, if you saw me running errands...I look like a mountain hick with my shorts, sweatshirt and rainboots in a used to have to get all dressed up just to run over to the store for milk or something. I really grew out of that though after I burned out and stopped working.
    Thauoy and ghostangelcake7 like this.
  8. Melchior

    Melchior Member

    I've never been in an offline relationship, so I can't say I've ever tried to look good for the person I was with...

    But in terms of going about my daily routine, no, I've almost never done much to look good. I've always felt like I was really bad looking, for a number of reasons, but I never felt motivated enough to do much to appear better. Some of what I don't like can't really be changed without spending a fortune. I mean, I always go outside clean and groomed. That's about all. I have very little clothing, a few outfits, at most. I just figure there's no point.

    I can't say I don't care, because I obviously care. Part of my anxiety in the first place goes back to being teased as a kid about the way I look, after all. I just don't think there's much I can do in the first place.
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  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I like to wear makeup, and I dress casually. I can also go out with messy hair and no makeup. Doesn't really matter to me. I am not that attractive so it doesn't really matter how I present myself. I kind of stopped caring what people think at this point, and I do what makes me happy.
    Thauoy, Frances M and ghostangelcake7 like this.
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think I'm a weird combination of "it's great to look and feel good in nice clothes, with pretty hair and makeup. AND it's just as important to me to be comfortable." If an occasion calls for dressing up, I can and do. Generally, though, I don't bother too much beyond looking neat, clean, and casually stylish. I do my hair and maybe some make up in the morning, but usually forget to run a comb through my hair or reapply lipstick unless I see myself in a mirror and have an omg moment. lol (I don't usually think of going to "check how I look." It's rarely on my radar of concerns. lol But maybe I could be more conscientious since others have to look at me. LOL!)
  11. Adil

    Adil Member

    I am a man i have a very cheap clothes and no money. And i am a student, I go to university whith no much money in my pocket and cheap clothes . No one girl looks at me .At first it was sad for me.But after i understood there are much more important problems .I look like homeless but i don't care .For me looking good is not important.So yeah that is all.Sorry for broken english
    DrownedFishOnFire and Thauoy like this.
  12. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies everyone. I can understand what everyone is saying here just fine, btw, and can really relate to what everyone says . I also think I'm not much to look at, but just want to have the 'feel good' aspect when I take care of myself. I do wish I got more out of being a woman. I really don't feel all too feminine, and don't make much effort to really play up my femininity, I think that has undermined me in life alot. I always had a more feminine version of myself playing in my head, but my reality is that I act really rather neutral. I hate it =/
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I get my hair wash and brow dried every week. I don't bother with make up anymore unless I am going somewhere nice. I do care how I look I just don't do anything about it, weird I know. My eye brows are always done, always wear perfume, if I could have only one thing it would be mascara as my eye lashes are very fair. So it's a yes and no from me!

    It's my weight that kills my confidence, i have to try on multiple clothes just to look ''ok'' but I am working on losing weight so it is a work in progress :)
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  14. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I feel like I spend money on places like for clothing that just gets tattered and thrown away too soon. I don't even care about clothes anymore. No one notices it, compliments it or helps perpetuate my desires to buy any more. I also really don't have money to spend on this stuff, I only have it cause I have credit cards (amazon and paypal) that allow me to purchase it and pay off minimally overtime if needed. I doubt you look at bad as you think, and cheap clothes can be clothes that cost your whole paycheck and they still get holes and pill all clothing being cheap is so relative. Clothes just cover my 'nakedness' now lol. So don't feel bad about it. If you don't care than it's really liberating to just not waste a bunch of money to impress the trendy people of society who aren't even friends anyway. And no worries about your english, I can understand you very well!

    I am getting fed up with makeup. It's taking up space and it's too messy to apply, as I said before. It is also rather expensive in the long run, I mean 12-20 dollars for a bottle of foundation that lasts a few weeks..I am paying for something that does not enhance my life at all, just feeds my insecurity towards how I look. I've decided I want to make no effort to get any opposite sex attention put on me, so I am really going to go low maintenance for awhile. And that's good you want to get in better physical shape, for health reasons I presume mostly? I am the same way, just because it boosts those endorphines and alleviates depression.
    Thauoy likes this.
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I with you there, foundation is expensive, I have used the expensive ones but tbh they are not that much greater and I sweat a lot so make up just runs off my face.

    I wasnt to lose weight for my health and looks, im trying to reverse my diabetes and so far so good. Lost 1.5lbs this week, aiming for 2lbs next week :) Thank you, you're a sweetheart :) And I totally agree getting active certainly changes your mood :)
    Thauoy likes this.
  16. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    Thank you Petal :D. I feel that trying to look good is pointless if you feel crummy doesn't fix what's going on in my head, it's been a vain effort, and I had to go through a whole 2-year relationship to prove this to myself.
    Thauoy likes this.
  17. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    This brings up a whole new subject of what "feminine" feels like I suppose. To me, feeling feminine isn't about looking pretty, wearing makeup or being thin. It's about the intangible qualities of being a woman, like being tender, generous, loving, caring and care-giving. Being soft on the inside as well as on the outside! I cringe when I see women trying so hard to be "tough" or using terribly foul language, fist-fighting and all that nonsense.
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  18. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    For me this is such a hard topic to tackle. I've started and stopped my reply a thousand times at this point. In the end I think I can say what matters most is what's inside. From the moment I was born I was a tomboy. So I have no elaborate ideas of femininity. It's about the spirit for me. The thing that makes you soar and being confident in it.

    But I am also a tomboy that is an artist, so all forms of beauty surface level and inner pop out to me, so I would say in a sense looking good is important to me. But I don't necessarily think that always has to do with material things. Many people are beautiful or handsome without all these gismos and such. Their smiles or pattern of freckles on their face, a crooked tooth.. is beautiful to me... So maybe I'm just weird...anyway... I would say staying hygienic is a must.

    In conclusion, the spirit is what matters and whatever makes you happy is what you should do in regards to clothes, makeup.

    The only thing of true genuine importance to me looks wise is staying clean.
  19. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    Petal, have you heard of the 'Nutratarian Diet?" supposedly that is very good for reversing diabetes. Here is a link to the 6 basic steps (and it doesn't have to be 24/7 365 days a year either) but a way of eating that is consistent:

    Also HIIT workouts (High Interval Intensity Training) workouts are great for blood sugar vs long, over exercising workouts and even long distance walking/running..

    Just thought I would offer you this advice as I was thinking about it and reading this thread.
  20. taniababy

    taniababy Member

    My appearance is important to me. I wear make up every day ( unless I'm having a day at home, I don't bother then as my partner is happy how I look without make up & it gives my skin a rest). I wear mineral face powder, eye shadow & eyeliner, blusher & a light lip colour. I keep myself slim (British size 8-10) & enjoy wearing skinny jeans, tight tops, dresses & skirts. I workout/ exercise 6 days a week as I enjoy looking at my toned arms & stomach. I follow a natural vegan diet. This all sounds fairly shallow but for me it helps to keep my mental health as well as can be and that is far more important than how others are viewing me.
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