is LOSER written on my forehead?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dazzle11215, Jan 20, 2008.

  1. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    just need to vent, i dunno, i can't sleep, it's almost 2:30 in the morning here and i've been crying for the last hour. this story will sound stupid but it's really bugging me so let me get it out

    this guy came to see the cottage where i'm renting (it's for sale... doesn't belong to me i just stay there) and he looked around, chatted for a bit, saw i was into photography and asked if i would go to his place the next day to take photos of his boat for a newspaper ad. i wanted to say no, 'cos it's a big deal for me to even get out of the house seeing how depressed i am, but being nice and also a big wimp i said sure, why not. i get over there, we have a cup of tea, he shows me around... and then starts with the cheesy lines. i'm putting on lip balm and he says "oh, i hoped it was lipstick. you'd look great in red lipstick" then later "you're so pretty" and all this crap. for fucks sake. he's married. he's 71 fucking years old. i'm his daughter's age. i just laughed and tried to ignore the remarks but it just feels so gross. gross, gross, gross.

    i don't know why but i just feel like i have LOSER tattooed on my forehead. why do i have to be so polite. part of me says "he's just an old guy lookign for a bit of fun on the side, don't make such a big deal" but somehow it has triggered all of my issues. maybe 'cos i'm feeling so vulnerable these days.

    he knows where i live. he keeps calling (which is why i won't pick up the phone anymore), he emails and says "come back. i'm lonely" and truthfully, i'm scared to death he's waiting outside for me. i sit in the house and flinch when i hear a car drive by. this is crazy, i know. honestly, i could probably deck him, no problem. but somehow i just flashback to being a kid and having to fend off predatory men (specifically an uncle who flirted like mad with me when i was 12 and 13). I've just never known how to set boundaries, how to deal with situations like this.

    i am just so angry and upset and in a complete state of anxiety over this little thing. What should i do? i should send an email, i think, as ignoring him is not making him go away. i could just email and say "Ain't gonna happen. Thanks for the tea." or something, 'cos I really don't want to hurt his feelings.

  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    phew. it was good to let that out. so first thing this morning i emailed and nipped it in the bud. somehow in the middle of the night all my past experiences were tangled up into this one situation... but this morning i untangled them.

    i know i still have loads of healing to feel better about what happened when i was younger, but the horny 71 year old has been sent packing

  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    :hug: Sorry you had to go through that. Glad today is looking a little brighter.
  4. Rawr

    Rawr Active Member

    Hey glad your feeling better today and got everything sorted :)