Is my huisband suicidal? How to help?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Vanilla, Aug 18, 2015.

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  1. Vanilla

    Vanilla New Member


    I a new. I am married with two kids. A toddler and a baby. My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD and OCD.
    Years ago, when we just met my husband was feeling suicidal but he did not tell me and he did not act like I would expect the typical suicidal person to act. In fact he acted like a guy who is strong and self-possessed.

    The reasons for feeling suicidal was not depression but an identity crisis. My husband has PTSD and OCD and had been discharged because of that and when we met he did not work in a good job and because of this he felt useless.

    He was also ashamed of the symptoms of his illness.

    When my husband learned I was pregnant he proposed to me and years later he told me it gave him a sense of purpose and he never will feel suicidal again. Not much after we married he found a new job.

    Fast forward several years later he lost that job again and now works construction and he is sad. I saw him cry but he did not want to discuss this with me but later he told me that he does not know if there is work for a guy like him and it makes him sad.

    He has PTSD and OCD and he has lost hearing on one ear and because of this he feels like he is a cripple.

    I don't really know what is going on inside his head because he is a guy who wantrs to be strong and does not weant other people to worry for him.

    My husband suffers from fear of crowds and loud noises because of his PTSD and before I know that this was a symptom I did push him, to much and was also unfriendly with him.

    I really don't know what is going on inside his head but I do THINK that it is hard to cope with that.

    In our marriage w love and respect the othe. Unfortunately we also fight a lot. My husband is a guy who likes to sweat the small stuff and he likes to nitpick and notices things other people don't even see.

    To give and example. I cleaned the whole house but did forget to clean under the shelves and he went into a rant. He nags and nags and notices things other people do not even care about, like a person having her hands in her pockets, your cuffs being a little bit long and so on.

    He can be such a killjoy and ****. The toddler and me played with the grass from the freshly mowed lawn. Then he started complaining how childish we were. I took some of the grass and put it in his face just to cheer him up a little. Well he said "Are you crazy? Now I have all that stinking stuff in my face and need to have a shower". He really took a shower. I told him "snatch out of it" and he only snorted with disgust.

    He works construction and he plays rugby, both very dirty, but no bit of dirt is allowed in our house. I have to say he does a lot of the cleaning not because I make him but he wants to. He is a good cleaner (would be a better homemaker than me) but still I am not dirty and there is no reason to nag as much as he does.

    He believes that some things must be done exactly after his instructions or they are done wrong. He wont allow me to pack the trunk of our car.

    Apart from this and apart from the fact we never go out because of his PTSD he is a good husband.

    I don't want to quarrel that much but he calls me dirty and I am not.

    I try to suck it up now because I am worried for him. I don't know how he is feeling right now. He is a man who likes to be strong.

    I told him that he doesn't need to be always strong asnd that I am there to listen if he has problems or needs to talk and I begged him to tell me if he ever feels suicidal again.

    He said that currently he does not feel suicidal and he will never feel like this again because now he has a purpose - me and the kids.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, vanilla and welcome to the forum. His OCD of cleaning and PTSD needs to be treated by a professional and needs to be kept in treatment until his symptoms are somewhat under control. He also sounds like he thinks he needs to ''man up'' for a lack of a better word but he's trying to act stronger than he is. You saw him crying so you know something is wrong.

    Does he have regular appointments? Maybe you going with him would be a good idea, so you could have more insight into what is really going on in his mind. None of us can say if he is suicidal, a professional must determine that. It might be a long journey ahead but at least you know most of the issues.

    Best of luck to you and your husband and children, I really hope things improve!! :hugs:
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